Nothing But Trouble (1991)

Matt (00:00:21):

Hello, we are 1-Week Rental: A Movie Podcast where we spend the week with a movie, like Nothing But Trouble, and then we take you along on the journey. Feed you hot dogs, let you go on our amusement park ride. My name is Matt Stokes. I’m an obnoxious piece of shit film snob.

Laci (00:00:39):

No, you’re great. You’re great.

Matt (00:00:42):

Oh thanks. Introduce yourself.

Laci (00:00:43):

Oh my God, I’m terrible. I’m Laci Roth. I’m his wife and I know nothing about movies except for all that I’ve learned from this podcast. So I’m trying people. I’m also super dyslexic. So remembering names of actors is like an amazing achievement and if I do it on this episode, you will all give me a comment and a reveal. A world star. A comment and reveal.

Matt (00:01:05):

Every week on the podcast we do a deep dive into a different movie taking you through the history of the movie’s production. We spend the week investing in learning about that movie, reading interviews with the people who made it, watching it multiple times.

Laci (00:01:19):

I called Leonardo DiCaprio and I made sure to get a penny stock investment down on this movie. That’s how invested.

Matt (00:01:25):

You called Chevy Chase, the financial advisor. Bye, bye, bye.

Laci (00:01:29):

So we discuss what works about the movie, what doesn’t work, and we psychoanalyze the people who made it and the characters in it, whether that’s the right thing to do or not.

Matt (00:01:37):

Every episode has two components, the history segment available here on YouTube or on the podcast feed. And then available only on the podcast feed is the movie discussion itself for me. Go through the movie in great detail, spoiler alert for every single movie we talk about, including nothing but trouble. Now, hey, nothing but trouble, you’ll find it often on lists of the worst movies ever made. But I know that this movie has an audience. It has a devoted cult following.

Laci (00:02:04):

You’re looking at it. Okay. No, I don’t know.

Matt (00:02:08):

I don’t like this movie very much, but hey, forgive me and tell me how incorrect I am in the comments.

Laci (00:02:16):

This is a weird one for me. I like a ton about it and then a bunch doesn’t work, but it doesn’t bother me. I think the movie thinks it’s doing something with a couple of plots or character developments and it’s not hitting the mark at all.

Matt (00:02:32):

How many times did you seen this before?

Laci (00:02:34):

This might be the third or fourth.

Matt (00:02:36):

But you’ve pitched us doing this movie in the past. You have some sort of-

Laci (00:02:41):

The fact that there’s any house with the contraptions and secret departments and dropout floors in a rollercoaster and a crazy family, that’s going to stick. I like all that shit.

Matt (00:02:53):

Yeah. I had seen it once before because, well, I’d never heard of it, but apparently this was on TV all the time in the 90s. Must have

Laci (00:03:00):

Been an HBO movie.

Matt (00:03:01):

Yes. It feels HBO. It was on HBO all the time. We hate movies, did an episode on it. I listened to that episode and thought that sounds like the most demented movie ever. I should see it. And I found it so unpleasant that every time I’ve thought about it in the years since I’ve just been like, “Diaper babies. No, where?”

Laci (00:03:16):

Diaper babies.

Matt (00:03:19):

And I basically feel the way I felt then, which is actually, I think it’s a much more functional movie than in my memory. The real problem is it’s just not funny and it has no comedic engine to it.

Laci (00:03:31):

Right. It does think it’s funny. It does think it’s-

Matt (00:03:34):

It’s a comedy.

Laci (00:03:35):

It’s a comedy, but John Candy gets to do nothing. Dan Ackroyd’s the best part of it and Chevy Chase is just doing these mumble core one-liners that don’t seem to be for anyone.

Speaker 3 (00:03:52):

Let’s be the nurse week.

Laci (00:03:53):

And they work so well for me in vacation movies and national lampoon vacation movies. But here it doesn’t even seem like he’s doing them for me.

Matt (00:04:03):

So as we go through the history segment, I’m going to build the case that the reason all of that is happening is because Dan Akroy directed this movie and he doesn’t know how to direct. This was the only movie he ever directed. He didn’t even seem like he wanted to direct this movie.

Laci (00:04:15):

How’d that happen? Okay.

Matt (00:04:16):

But including getting a bad performance out of Chevy Chase, this is like a perfect role for Chevy Chase to play a despicable yuppie who you want to see tortured, but he doesn’t seem to get that kind of performance where you’re exhilarated by how all the bad stuff he’s going through.

Laci (00:04:30):

See, that’s where I’m confused. The movie seems to think that they’re good guys. I don’t know that … Diane is precious, but in real life, she’d be just as aggravating and entitled as Chevy Chase’s character and for her to love him so more like him so much.

Matt (00:04:47):

Right. The movie never settles. She’s

Laci (00:04:49):

Precious.

Matt (00:04:50):

It never settles. Are we supposed to like these people and roof for them or think they’re getting what they deserve? Now when you watch the movie now and I think, oh, he’s Jeffrey Epstein. She’s Dulane Maxwell. It’s like, yes, of course they need to get tortured, but they don’t get tortured enough. They

Laci (00:05:03):

Don’t get tortured at all.

Matt (00:05:05):

So we’ll unpack all of that in the movie discussion segment of the episode. Look in the episode description if you want to skip past all the history stuff, but let’s go ahead with the history of nothing but trouble. Or as it was called during production, Volcanvenia.

Laci (00:05:44):

That one would stick better because I just keep calling it Better Off Dead. I think it’s just

Matt (00:05:49):

The same

Laci (00:05:50):

Amount of words.

Matt (00:05:50):

What a terrible title. I mean, Better Off Dead’s Bad Title too. Better Off Dead is when I realized, oh, that’s the 1980s snow skiing movie. What? Shouldn’t the title have something, some sort of skiing thing? But yeah. If

Laci (00:06:05):

It weren’t for John Cusack being in it, I’d have no memory of it at all. But yeah, these are what is it gets? It’s got to get better than this. It’s complicated. Mother-in-laws, am I right? All of it’s just like, it’s a sentence that’s not … It doesn’t stick in my head. It sticks in my head the wrong way.

Matt (00:06:23):

Nancy Myers though is good at coming up with phrases where you’re like, “Yeah, something’s got to give.” Or, “It’s got to get better than this. ” But yeah, nothing but trouble is just the studio being like, “I don’t know, we need to call it something.”

Laci (00:06:35):

And she says it once and it’s like-

Matt (00:06:37):

You’re nothing but trouble.

Laci (00:06:38):

Is he? You seem like the trouble. The two Brazilians in the back seem like the trouble. They’re the reason you’re there.

Matt (00:06:46):

Nothing but trouble has a 15% on Rotten Tomatoes from the critics and I think that’s unfair. I would give it at least a 35.

Laci (00:06:52):

At least just for the production alone.

Matt (00:06:54):

Production values. The production design is incredible. This movie has so much talent in it. Dean Cundy shot this movie. He’s the guy who shot Halloween in Jurassic Park.

Laci (00:07:02):

Oh yeah. The scale of it. I can’t tell if what’s a set and what’s a model or whatever, but it feels vast. It feels like there are piles of appliances and that art seems real. So if it’s not, I’ll be surprised.

Matt (00:07:18):

Yeah. And so the reason I blame Dan Ackroyd, the director for all of this is you have to know how much of that to give people. It’s like a band doing a set list. Sometimes it is good to do a slow song. We need to bring it down a little bit and then we can bring it back up. But when the whole movie’s just a deluge of garbage, nothing feels like anything.

Laci (00:07:38):

Oh God, I don’t agree. I see what you’re saying, but the set’s my favorite thing, all the different places that they end up. I’ve got no sense of where we are on the property, but the random piles and what they choose to pile up is always interesting to me.

Matt (00:07:54):

It always looks interesting, but I never feel like it’s part of a narrative with any momentum or that it’s building on anything. So yeah, this movie, a major studio release had a $45 million budget. That is a huge budget for a comedy. And again, very big commercial and critical flop. It did seem to become a bit of a cult classic on HBO.That’s the way you have to absorb this movie is you stumble into it on TV while it’s already playing, which is just a thing that doesn’t exist anymore. You always have to choose to watch a movie.

Laci (00:08:27):

Because you accept that you don’t know what’s going on. So then when you catch it the next time around and you realize seeing the front half doesn’t really help understand what’s going on, it’s just a ride. Then you’re like, “I already know the second half.” So

Matt (00:08:40):

You’ve accepted it. So it’s like, okay. Oh yeah, yeah.

Laci (00:08:42):

Yeah. And there are definitely movies where you need to get all the way through it to be comfortable enough to sink into it afterward. Yeah. A second watching is sometimes necessary for a lot of the movies we cover, but it can also undo the movie as what happened with you and She Devil.

Matt (00:08:59):

Watching this movie all the way through feels punishing. It’s only 93 minutes long, but like-

Laci (00:09:05):

It has so many times when it just needed to end.

Matt (00:09:07):

I know.

Laci (00:09:08):

What the fuck?

Matt (00:09:09):

Yes. The final 10 minutes are like, wait, really? Wait, really? Shaking up and starting again, again, again? No.

Laci (00:09:16):

And then the Chevy Chase hole in the wall with the Bugs Bunny muse or the Roadrunner

Matt (00:09:21):

Sound.

Laci (00:09:23):

What the fuck? This has to be way worse on your scale of bullshit endings way beyond. Let’s everyone just dance, right? Come on. You win with a bugs bunny hole.

Matt (00:09:35):

Yeah. That’s the

Laci (00:09:36):

Biggest cop out

Matt (00:09:37):

Of ever. Unless your cheap like Shrek, everybody at the wedding is dancing now. At least it’s

Laci (00:09:42):

Away.

Matt (00:09:42):

I understand that’s like pleasure delivered straight to your … I

Laci (00:09:47):

Love dance endings.

Matt (00:09:48):

Straight into your bloodstream and I understand that that is appealing on some level. This was just like, got to have something funny happen.

Laci (00:09:55):

Then why didn’t I do anything funny?

Matt (00:09:57):

Did you laugh at all during this movie?

Laci (00:10:01):

I smiled a lot, but no, I didn’t laugh. Chevy Chase really bothered me in this movie and Dimmy Moore is like, I just want to stare at her. Everything she says is she’s an angelic. She’s beautiful and it’s out of place. She’s so likable. At every moment she’s making everyone comfortable and she seems sincere. I don’t get it. What are you in this movie?

Matt (00:10:28):

Because there’s the moment where she’s playing with the twins.

Laci (00:10:31):

This is sweet.

Matt (00:10:31):

And she’s now talking in voices like them. And it’s like, why wasn’t she doing this the whole movie? She

Laci (00:10:36):

Is. She’s mirroring energy the entire time. She knows exactly what the two Brazilian people need. Then she knows what the judge needs. She’s constantly shape shifting.

Matt (00:10:44):

I mean in service of making me laugh. This movie was released on Valentine’s Day 1991. What they thought was romantic? Erkovich says like, “Well, if it hadn’t been released, then it would have been a big hit.” But we’ll go ahead through Dan Ackroyd who again helmed this movie. He directed this movie the only movie he directed in his career so far. We’ll see what happens after this. Okay. But you can add him to the list of people, actors who only ended up directing one movie like Marlon Brando.

Laci (00:11:14):

What did he direct?

Matt (00:11:15):

One-eyed Jacks.

Laci (00:11:15):

Totally. So you said that he didn’t even want to. Did he start out wanting to? Did Dan Akroy think this is the next move of my career?

Matt (00:11:23):

Here’s what happened.

Laci (00:11:24):

Give it up.

Matt (00:11:25):

Okay. So he did write a lot of his movies. When we did Groundhog Day a few weeks ago, we went through the stable of these people from the SNL inaugural era and we talked a lot about Ghostbusters in that episode. But 1991, Dan Akroyd is at the absolute peak of his powers. So he has his SNL run in the late ’70s and then he goes and makes huge movies like The Blues Brothers Trading Places, Ghostbusters, even Dragnet with Tom Hanks was a really, really big hit.

Laci (00:11:54):

My girl Coneheads are ahead of him, right?

Matt (00:11:57):

Yeah, later. And Coneheads was like after the failure of nothing but trouble, he needs to go back to the comfortable well. Go back to the well, yeah. Takes his SNL sketches and makes them into a movie with Coneheads. He also

Laci (00:12:09):

Takes the SNL people.

Matt (00:12:12):

The Great Outdoors with John Candy in 1988. I know what I would like to

Laci (00:12:15):

Do on this.

Matt (00:12:16):

A big, big old movie. And I always forget about this. He’s in Driving Mis Daisy, Miss Daisy’s son and got an Oscar nomination for him. As this movie is being produced, he’s an Oscar and freshly minted Oscar nominee and he uses all of this capital for this movie, Volcanvenia.

Laci (00:12:36):

Where did he hear it? Where’s the script from? Oh, segue alert.

Matt (00:12:43):

A thing to note about our history segments. I take a lot of pride in our history segments. We do a lot of research and we always cite our sources. If we’re going to attribute a quote to somebody, we’re going to tell you where they said it and where we got the quote from. What’s frustrating about this movie is there’s very little information out there about it. There is a YouTube video essay on the channel Good Bad Flicks that is about 20 minutes long that has a lot of information about this movie, but none of that information is cited in their video, which I find frustrating. But I see it getting reprinted in a lot of stuff that just cites back to their video. So I’ve put a link to their video in the description. The story they tell is this. Dan Acroy, his brother Peter Ackroyd, Peter Akroyd plays the bell hop in this movie.

Matt (00:13:34):

And Dan’s producing partner, Robert Weiss, go to the movies in 1987 and see Hellraiser. And they found it notable how everyone in the audience was laughing at Hellraiser, which is a horror movie that is not intended to BA comedy, but they’re like, horror and comedy often seem to strike the same sort of notes, get the same sort of involuntary reactions out of people.

Laci (00:13:55):

Sure.

Matt (00:13:56):

And so, hey, maybe we could do something with that. That’s not a movie I

Laci (00:13:59):

Thought you were going to say. When did Texas Chainsaw Mascar II come out?

Matt (00:14:03):

Was that 86?

Laci (00:14:06):

Not much time had passed. It’s so fucking similar.

Matt (00:14:11):

He cites Texas Chainsaw Massacre as an influence, but not two. And Texas Chainsaw Massacre two is nothing but trouble. It

Laci (00:14:18):

Is the same movie. Only it’s done as a horror with the outlandish good guy, bad guy that really hits home. I get that law enforcement walks that fucking line because now I’m just as scared of this motherfucker and there’s sympathy to be had and the traps and the different places they go with the dinner scene.

Matt (00:14:41):

The old

Laci (00:14:42):

Man, it’s all scary as shit.

Matt (00:14:44):

Also a successful comedy though. Right. Toby Hooper masterfully. Check out our episode from 2024 about that movie. Great, great movie. Mixing the horror with comedy and the social commentary and it even has the same thing of like yuppies just getting out of their element and being bewildered by this world they’ve fallen into.

Laci (00:15:03):

Well, the uppies die. I mean, it’s Stretch who ends up there, right? And she’s just a small town Texas person. It’s like the normal people get to survive. I think this movie is trying to say that Demi Moore is a normal person. They’re clean, no drugs, no whatever. I don’t know that she’s clean.

Matt (00:15:21):

No, she’s not, but I don’t know. Yeah, I don’t know that the movie recognizes whatever. I think that the movie is not critiquing the capital class, the ruling class. They’re criticizing Chevy Chase himself. He’s an asshole. I guess. And so that’s why his character’s an asshole. And I guess the Brazilianaires are supposed to be like-

Laci (00:15:40):

They are the ones that I remember being like, “Oh yeah, they deserve it. They’re aggravating.” And they’re the ones that made this happen because they wanted to speed and all that stupid stuff that they wanted to do. But even this time I’m not sold on them being bad. And if Demi Moore, who I’m telling you is an angel in this movie, is so into Chevy Chase, I’m so confused.

Matt (00:16:04):

I mean, he is handsome.

Laci (00:16:05):

He’s very handsome, but

Matt (00:16:07):

She is my God gorgeous in this movie.

Laci (00:16:11):

I’ve never seen someone so pale but so damn good lucky. She’s like white as a sheet, but I don’t get it. Her skin doesn’t make sense. It changes colors in the movie, I think.

Matt (00:16:22):

Better

Laci (00:16:23):

Eyes or hair.

Matt (00:16:24):

But if he’s Jeffrey Epstein, financial advisor with a permanent party going on at his penthouse and the party’s going on even when he’s not there and then he’s just got these hangers on who are going to go with him and jet set around, take us on a drive. You’ve

Laci (00:16:39):

Decided he’s Jeffrey Epstein.

Matt (00:16:40):

Well, that makes the movie make a little more sense. Or it’s just like if you can imagine Jeffrey Epstein running into the diaper babies, that’s kind of funny.

Laci (00:16:47):

I think he’d love that. I think he’d be into it.

Matt (00:16:49):

Oh man, you might be right.

Laci (00:16:51):

Yeah, they’re babies.

Matt (00:16:52):

So Dan Akroyd’s going to make a horror … It really seems like a straightforward monster movie and his brother Pete, who gets the story by credit on the movie, says to him like, “You remember that time in the ’70s when you were in upstate New York in some bumblefucked town and you got a speeding ticket and the judge in that town made you appear in person to pay the fine and then made you spend like four hours with the judge sipping tea and stuff?” It’s like that would be a good premise for a horror movie.

Laci (00:17:23):

Yeah, that he wasn’t wrong.

Matt (00:17:25):

Yes. So that’s what he writes. The original title of the movie is Get G-I-T Get.

Laci (00:17:31):

I like that better. Also, this is also the plot of Cars One. Get a fucking shiny, slick guy stuck in your town for speeding and then never let him leave.

Matt (00:17:43):

The interview that I listened to with Dan Akroyd, the person interviewing him says like, “Did you notice your movie has a very similar plot to Doc Hollywood, which is a Michael J. Fox movie from the 90s that everybody said cars took the plot from.” A guy gets a speeding ticket in a town and then they make him live there now. And then he realizes, “Oh, this town’s kind of

Laci (00:18:05):

Magical.” I might have Stockholm syndrome. I

Matt (00:18:08):

Don’t know at what point they decided this is going to be a comedy or maybe they never decided that’s just what they do.

Laci (00:18:14):

Right, right. The horror part was, well, these guys are scary looking and I think they thought they’d get, and maybe they did, get a lot more distance out of John Candy playing a female role. I think he’s hilarious as her. I think she comes off actually when she means- She’s very sweet. He can do a lot without saying words. Those parts, that ended up being pretty good, but I don’t think it’s for the reason they think it was good.

Matt (00:18:41):

Oh yeah, yeah. That’s the whole thing. And we hate movies said this. You got to remember, not what you just said. We hate movies said what I’m about to say. You have to remember this guy’s never directed a movie and he is directing all of this after spending four hours in a makeup chair. He might be giving people notes on their performance while he’s a big diaper baby or while he has a big dick on his nose. And how do you take him seriously? Is he

Laci (00:19:04):

Both babies?

Matt (00:19:05):

He’s one of the babies. And they suggest I did see that a lot of the cast members improvised or wrote their own lines and that does seem like a first time director being like, “Yeah, yeah, it’s all good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But there’s a reason you have to say no or at least have a greater vision in your head that you can make everything fit into. If you’re too busy getting makeup put on you all day and you’re too exhausted and under chemical influence from all the putty on your nose, maybe you can’t. That’s

Laci (00:19:32):

Such a good point. Push your vision through. That he had himself be in two costumes that would be ours.What the fuck? What the fuck, Dan Akrod?

Matt (00:19:45):

He offered the script to John Hughes and to John Landis, director of the Blues Brothers, and they both declined. So I was like, well, I’ll direct it myself. Okay. Chevy Chase had a lot of discussion on our program about Chevy Chase being a well known asshole in Hollywood. Check out our Christmas vacation episode for a deep dive on that. But in 1991, he was still a very bankable star. He had big hits in the late 80s like Spies Like Us Fletch Lives and Christmas Vacation.

Laci (00:20:16):

I love Three Amigos and I love Funny Farm.

Matt (00:20:19):

And even those movies which didn’t do as well, they were still relatively successful. He’s just a giant name. After nothing but trouble, it’s over for Chevy Chase. That’s it. It’s all downhill. His career is-

Laci (00:20:30):

Community.

Matt (00:20:31):

Until community in 2009 brings him back only to the extent that people are like, “Oh, community’s great and he’s really good in it. ” It’s not like he gets more movies out of that.

Laci (00:20:40):

Well, because he’s a particularly terrible

Matt (00:20:43):

Version

Laci (00:20:43):

Of himself behind the scenes in community, even racist, right?

Matt (00:20:49):

Yeah. I mean, he defended it. Yes, I said the N word, but I didn’t mean it in a racist way.

Laci (00:20:54):

Oh my God. Okay.

Matt (00:20:55):

I don’t remember exactly what he

Laci (00:20:56):

Said. He’s a man out of time.

Matt (00:20:58):

I remember even Donald Glover being like, “Yeah, Chevy’s an artist.” So I don’t know. I don’t have all the facts about that in the back of my brain, but basically this is the beginning of the end for Chevy Chase and to an extent it’s the beginning of the end for Dan Akroyd. He just chases Ghostbusters sequels and cone heads and-

Laci (00:21:16):

Chase Ghosts.

Matt (00:21:18):

He makes a cameo in Casper as his character from Ghostbusters and never reaches the heights again. But the movie was very poorly received, didn’t make any money. I was reading some reviews from the time. I really liked this from the Orlando Sentinel from 1991. “The problem is that the neophyte director appears to believe that being gross in itself is enough. Even John Waters in his Pink Flamingos period realized that wit was also necessary. Besides Waters was genuinely outrageous in a startlingly original way. The grotesque of Akroyd’s film reminded me of a disturbed child trying to gross out a friend on the playground.

Laci (00:21:56):

“Okay. Well, for the judge character, especially the way he operates his electric chair, well, that’s electric chair, his mobility chair. I find that costume very effective, charming, funny. The nose is so weird. I mean, it’s memorable. The babies I do not understand. I don’t fucking get it.

Matt (00:22:23):

Those are the things that have lingered in my head.

Laci (00:22:26):

I mean, they look like Twiddle D and Twiddle Dumb, but Twiddle De and Twilio Dump grew up into boys. They didn’t stay with their little Gerber baby thing, right?

Matt (00:22:36):

It is funny. It’s just not fun. It’s fun to think about.

Laci (00:22:41):

And I always thinks he’s getting a lot of laughs from the jiggling and stuff and maybe it’s just a different time now and that’s just not funny to me. But the thing I like the best about him is them, their personalities, what they say to each other and the way they talk, all that works for me. The way they look, I’m baffled.

Matt (00:23:00):

All that I think when I see them is like, that’s impressive, but gross. It looks

Laci (00:23:07):

Heavy.

Matt (00:23:09):

It is to just be baffled, but I cannot dispute this is a … I get the cult following because this is a very curious object of a movie.

Laci (00:23:20):

Dare I even say eye candy. If it could shave 15 minutes off the back, I was totally ready to be like, ” I love this movie. “I do not buy them as a couple. I don’t really understand where the hell she’s coming from or what kind of archetype she is because it doesn’t make a lot of sense to me. Ew, I would not kiss him like that. Them kissing gross me the fuck out. I don’t buy their relationship. They’re going to be over in a week after all this goes on. But even beside that, it was working for me

Matt (00:23:51):

Till the

Laci (00:23:52):

End.

Matt (00:23:52):

You could take everything that’s in this movie if you had a director who knew how to make this funny or knew how to make it scary, I could see it working so well. I don’t know who that director would be.

Laci (00:24:05):

Well, it would have to be somebody that had a political … If you’re going to make the movie so political about class, you got to be someone who has a feeling on that. Even Roseanne would have done a better job because she’d at least be saying something. This movie seems to think that the people torn apart by being mind deserve to also be blown up and die at the end. The movie’s confused. Yeah, because- I can’t tell who side it’s over. It

Matt (00:24:36):

Has Chevy Chase, who I believe even says,” Yes, my grandfather owned iron ore stocks in the 30s and even seemed to imply my grandfather is the one who destroyed this town. “But what commentary is there on de- industrialization? And also Chevy Chase and the yuppies go back with the cops at the end and an actual understanding of the world would show that the cops would murder all of Dan Ackroyd’s people. You made a rich person uncomfortable. No, no, no, no, no. But instead it’s like, ” Oh, they’re all in it together, all the fucking Yokos out there, “which they’re not.

Laci (00:25:13):

Right. That’s even more classist that we all just stick together. We don’t love the way he murders everybody, but we hate you guys so much.

Matt (00:25:22):

I think John Carpenter in the late ’80s could make this work something like They Live or Funnier, like Big Trouble in Little China, or I know this is obvious, is Tim Burton. Oh, interesting. And he would not have the class. It would just be more of social misfits and he would be so much more on the side of the bumpets.

Laci (00:25:44):

Yeah.

Matt (00:25:46):

Dan Ackroyd said- Why

Laci (00:25:47):

About the guy that did Hills Have Eyes?

Matt (00:25:50):

Wes Craven?

Laci (00:25:52):

Yeah.

Matt (00:25:52):

Sure.

Laci (00:25:53):

I don’t know. You just have to have a political opinion to make this story work.

Matt (00:25:59):

Or I think if you had the chops to make it a straightforward horror movie, you could make it work and not have to have any … The Hills Have Eyes, I guess the Hills Have Eyes does have some. I don’t know. Dan Ackroyd said in 2023, he was talking about the movie and he said,” Nothing but trouble is a fun, very serviceable comedy that was not a it at the time because we were doomed the weekend that it opened. And I’ll tell you how. Here I make this movie for us, for the guys. Wait,

Laci (00:26:29):

Whoa, whoa. Who’s this a quote from?

Matt (00:26:31):

Dan Akroyd.

Laci (00:26:32):

Okay. Carry on.

Matt (00:26:33):

For the guys.

Laci (00:26:35):

Sure.

Matt (00:26:37):

He’s very charming when he says it. He’s saying this to the radio host. He’s like, “You know us guys.” The audience that likes absurdist kind of out there humor. And so two pictures open in the marketplace against us that weekend. One was Silence of the Lambs.

Laci (00:26:50):

Oh, fuck. Don’t say sleepless in Seattle.

Matt (00:26:52):

Then Julia Roberts is sleeping with the enemy.

Laci (00:26:54):

Oh, of course.

Matt (00:26:55):

You can be sure every woman in America told their husbands or boyfriends or whatever, we are going to see those two movies. We’re not going to go see the Ackroyd movie. So it didn’t work in the marketplace. So yeah, weird to open it on Valentine’s Day, but it’s also weird to open Silence of the Lambs on Valentine’s Day.

Laci (00:27:08):

It is. And this is a time of year where you dump movies, right? February?

Matt (00:27:15):

Yeah. It’s not as much of a dumping ground as January. I think Valentine’s Day has always been like, look, we can open a romantic comedy that weekend. Sounds of the Lambs went on this miracle run. It was a hit and then just kept playing all year long.

Laci (00:27:30):

Oh, wow. Well, but this movie also is a lot of a romance. I’d call it a romantic comedy before I’d even say horror. It’s just completely confused. It’s mixing genres on accident. It’s making their relationship too center and to … You’re pulling for them too much. They’re saving each other. It almost feels too much like a Indiana Jones movie, how many times he saves her that I’m like, “Okay, now we’re action adventure. What the fuck

Matt (00:27:59):

Is going on? ” Yeah. For that to work, they would have to have a spark. So much more chemistry. The slightest hint of any kind of spark or

Laci (00:28:06):

Chemistry between them. He can only, with Beverly D’Angelo, it’s the only time I’ve ever believed him sexually. Well, I think in funny farm, maybe, I don’t know, I have to revisit, but her kissing him all over his face and he’s barely participating, I’m just like, blah.

Matt (00:28:21):

When she starts to do it, I think she’s making fun of him. And then I realize, no, she’s not. This is what I’m supposed to believe this. It’s crazy. The fuck. All right. We’re going to try to make sense of this movie in our movie discussion. If you’re watching us on YouTube, you can hear the full thing by clicking on the link in the description and listening to our podcast. And if you’re listening to our podcast, do nothing, just let time march forward.

Laci (00:28:41):

Please do subscribe. Please do give us a thumbs up. Please please subscribe right now. If you’re made this far, just livelihoods depend on it. The floor’s going to drop out and we’re going down a slide and we’re going to die on spikes if you don’t.

Matt (00:28:54):

And I hate spikes and I hate mustard.

Laci (00:28:57):

I

Matt (00:28:57):

Like diapers.

Laci (00:28:58):

Condiment train. Who washes that thing? No one.

Matt (00:29:37):

Nothing but trouble. It has the kind of opening that’s like Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Two Secret of the Use where you’re so excited. You’re like, “No way is this not a great movie. New York

Laci (00:29:49):

City.” They’re using a great soul song and somebody got access to a helicopter because that’s the overview side. It really is just like, “Hey, This is a thing people do now. This is a New York movie.

Matt (00:30:04):

I know. I feel like it’s gone away though and maybe they just bought this from a library rather than hire a helicopter on their own. But it’s so exciting. Ah, the possibilities before me. New York. It’s a hell of a town they say.

Laci (00:30:15):

It’s a bait and switch though. I don’t know. I think that this is of a time where this was just what this signals good movie. And then it has nothing to do with this. He was

Matt (00:30:25):

Working for me for a little bit. Oh, don’t you think, Laci, it’s like the crowning heights of the concrete jungle, but then we’re going to go … It’s all built on this land. Yeah. Of disgusting.

Laci (00:30:40):

The waste needed to build this

Matt (00:30:42):

Concrete

Laci (00:30:42):

Jungle. Yeah.

Matt (00:30:43):

Don’t you think that’s what Dan Ackroyd is saying to us?

Laci (00:30:45):

I don’t know that he is.

Matt (00:30:48):

Hey buddy, I need to think about it.

Laci (00:30:51):

I would buy it if he told it to me, but I don’t know if it’s that well thought through here.

Matt (00:30:55):

I bet we could interview Dan Ackroyd.

Laci (00:30:57):

Okay.

Matt (00:30:57):

There are people I’ve come across where I see how many interviews they do with channels that … Well, not … Our channel is not as big as theirs, but I’m like … He’d bite. Yeah, this movie. It opens with New York City Skyline and Chevy Chase arriving at his apartment getting out of a cab chomping on a cigar, talking to the Bell Hop played by Dan Ackroyd’s brother.

Laci (00:31:20):

Playing him as an Irish person.

Matt (00:31:22):

I couldn’t tell if he was Irish or just can’t get the Canadian out.

Laci (00:31:26):

No, seems to be an immigrant. I think that’s supposed to be a point.

Matt (00:31:31):

Oh, okay.

Laci (00:31:32):

A person serving him.

Matt (00:31:34):

Man, this movie’s got so much going on.

Laci (00:31:37):

Okay.

Matt (00:31:37):

And thanks hi for the financial advice. Ah, thank you for the financial advice. Chevy. We’re recording this on St. Patrick’s Day and full disposition. We were recording this like six weeks after we recorded the history segment. This is going

Laci (00:31:49):

To be a miraculous feat of my memory.

Matt (00:31:52):

But you watched the movie again.

Laci (00:31:53):

I watched half of it again. Sorry.

Matt (00:31:56):

What kind of look am I giving you?

Laci (00:31:58):

A sassy duck face. I don’t appreciate it.

Matt (00:32:02):

I’ve watched this movie so many times now and it’s so painful.

Laci (00:32:05):

Life is complicated. I was not in a situation last night where I could watch it. I was in an open theater. Fucker.

Matt (00:32:14):

Chevy Chase. Peter Ackroyd thanks him for the financial advice. And then Chevy Chase is like, “You’re welcome. And here’s my financial newsletter, Thorns Weekly. His name is Christopher Thorne. He’s the Jeffrey Epstein. I’ve fully developed my Jeffrey Epstein parallel and we’ll track it as the movie goes

Laci (00:32:32):

Along.” Oh,

Matt (00:32:33):

Fun. So then he runs into Demi Moore in the apartment and I guess she’s supposed to look not exactly hot right here because she’s got glasses on and she’s got a dog. Jury’s glasses

Laci (00:32:43):

The entire movie. No, she’s supposed to be smoking hot.

Matt (00:32:45):

The scene though then the next morning when he sees her, it’s supposed to be like a transformation.

Laci (00:32:50):

It’s not a transformation nomad. No. The reason why he stops, he doesn’t get in the elevator with his friends and he holds it for her and then closes it without anyone else in it is because he wants to talk to her. He immediately invites her up to his penthouse. No, she’s hot from day one. She’s just extra hot the next day.

Matt (00:33:06):

Okay. I

Laci (00:33:07):

Assure you.

Matt (00:33:07):

They’re having a party up in his penthouse that he’s not even in charge of. This is just his life.

Laci (00:33:12):

He’s a confusing character. I don’t understand what they were going for here. Maybe if I lived in New York, I would understand this type of guy, but he seems friendly enough. He’s really disconnected. He seems to not be particularly attached to anyone. He makes the comment about how it might be fun if I knew half the people here. Parties start without him. People just enter his house. But then he parties all night, has a huge hangover. So which is it? You like it or you don’t like it?

Matt (00:33:40):

Because the real party is like several layers deep within his penthouse. The external layer, that’s the ninth layer. I got you. The

Laci (00:33:47):

Trafficking layer is what he’s enjoying.

Matt (00:33:49):

It’s like with pre-trafficking. We’re screening for the trafficking. If we bump you up to the eighth layer, then we’ll start really asking you the questions.

Laci (00:33:56):

We’re screening for those who will get the trafficked people or we’re screening for people we’re going to traffic, Matt. Which one? Okay. I didn’t see any children in this movie, but fine.

Matt (00:34:05):

Yeah, you can’t show that. You just have to suggest it.

Laci (00:34:08):

They suggested children in his apartment? Was there a Jenga set I didn’t see? No,

Matt (00:34:12):

You have to- A children shoot. No, it’s a metaphor.

Laci (00:34:15):

Don’t you metaphor me.

Matt (00:34:17):

There’s so many things wrong with this movie, but I do place a lot of blame on Chevy Chase for his career is largely built on playing assholes, but in movies like Caddy Shack, he can own being an asshole. But then in Caddy Shack, he’s not the lead. So he’s allowed to be both a super charming, evil, rich guy. Whereas in this movie, you are supposed to fully be sympathetic with him.

Laci (00:34:46):

Which it blows my mind. There’s not one moment where I’m sympathetic to him and I think she’s too good for him the entire time and I think we’re supposed to buy this romance. He’s just not good at depth. He’s good at shallow assholeary. He plays that beautifully. We all know how I feel about the Christmas vacation movies. It’s just the vacation movies. I don’t know. Bill Murray would have blown this out of the fucking water. We need someone actually not just hungover and annoyed. We need somebody kind of tortured. How long ago were you married? Four years. Do you love her? No, I got over it a couple weeks ago. I don’t know if that’s serious or not. Is he actually having heartache? Is he sad? Is this why this continuous party’s at his apartment because he’s lonely? What is this?

Matt (00:35:35):

Yeah. In Groundhog Day, you feel Bill Murray’s misery, but also he actually has contempt for everybody that he sees and it is unlikable and the movie knows that.

Laci (00:35:45):

It’s not a bunch of one-liners. It’s stuff under his breath that has to do with the situation that’s actually funny. And some of it’s meant to be heard and some of it’s not. And with Chevy Chase, it’s just constant dad jokes. None of them are fun. Oh, here comes fucking Barney Fife or whatever he says. They’re all so … That’s where they buried Flipper. No one’s laughing. Who are these

Matt (00:36:04):

Jokes

Laci (00:36:05):

For? Open the

Matt (00:36:05):

Baby doll room and goes, “That must be the nursery.”

Laci (00:36:08):

Okay, that one’s actually okay.

Matt (00:36:10):

It is, but it’s not even a joke.

Laci (00:36:13):

But he’s said so many up until that pointless. He has hardly any real conversation. It’s just all these little quips,

Matt (00:36:19):

Except

Laci (00:36:20):

For when he’s raising his voice to demand that someone recognize his white privilege or something. We got a point in Atlantic City. What is there? What do you talk about with that man?

Matt (00:36:31):

But then Demi Moore, her character, Diane, is like a high powered corporate attorney and she’s got a deal in Atlantic City that she’s been cut out of.

Laci (00:36:40):

No, she’s breaking up with the guy that’s doing the deal and she was the attorney for that guy and in on the deal. So they cut out that he decided to use the work they did and go on with the deal without paying their law firm and he broke up with her.

Matt (00:36:53):

This is not clear at all.

Laci (00:36:55):

I know.

Matt (00:36:56):

And it’s not remarked upon for 45 minutes until she’s like, “I’m just always falling for the wrong guys.” And Chevy Chase is like, “Hey, don’t feel so bad.” And then they bring all of this back. None of it was coherent to begin with, but Chevy Chase is also somehow involved in this deal. So she’s like, “Are you going to go to the deal tomorrow?”

Laci (00:37:15):

It’s like because he writes a financial magazine and this is like a huge land sale, a big giant chunk of land being passed to another person, I guess that goes in the magazine. It’s just one of those things. If we all live in this building, if we can all afford this building, we are on the other planet. We are all Bogonia. I mean, there’s a lot of people in his apartment, but most of them can’t afford to live in that building. And if Demi Moore can, she can just assume they run in the same circles. New York seems huge, but New York Finance and people who are actually from New York, but that’s pretty small, just like everything is small.

Matt (00:37:48):

But it’s the circle where we both need to be present in Atlantic City tomorrow for the deal.

Laci (00:37:52):

Because that’s the auction. That’s where it’s happening. That’s where it’s actually going to physically happen.

Matt (00:37:56):

All right. Okay. So this is the gathering of the juggalos for New York financial people. Okay. You got to get down to AC tomorrow. But at first he’s like, “Huh, no, I wouldn’t be caught dead there. But hey, I didn’t say I don’t want to go, ” or whatever. This is

Laci (00:38:10):

Like Donald Trump buying up three hotels at once in Atlantic City or something. You go to see that mess.

Matt (00:38:16):

There’s a

Laci (00:38:17):

Ribbon cutting

Matt (00:38:18):

And then

Laci (00:38:18):

Sludge comes out. I don’t know.

Matt (00:38:20):

So can I borrow your car? And he’s like, “No.”

Laci (00:38:22):

Right. And you can just assume that the, “Hey, are you going to this? Was it just a precursor to, can I borrow your car?” Because that is the one weird thing where it seems like New York people are poor when I know that’s not what it means, but because cars are so ubiquitous with most people and with us certainly, this rich attorney doesn’t have a car. She’s got to ask a child to borrow a car and she assumes he has one, even though he showed up in a taxi. Yeah. So it seems like it’s probably just a little bit of opportunistic stuff. He just so happened to be horny enough to go.

Matt (00:38:53):

I do have a car. I won’t let you borrow it, but I’ll drive you there myself. A nice long drive to Atlantic City and then the Brazilianaires over here. The Brazilianaires, Taylor Negron and Britilla DeMass as, what are their names? Rinalda is the lady and

Laci (00:39:09):

I can’t remember.

Matt (00:39:10):

But I mean, these are funny performances. They

Laci (00:39:12):

Are. I guess this is a kind of hanger on. I mean, just people who don’t have much going on because they’re rich and they’re here because they can be and they have diplomatic community and there’s nothing for them to do except for spend money and meet people. And I guess they find Chris interesting. They’re very entitled.

Matt (00:39:31):

Your Jeffrey Epstein Cronies, you have your Lauren Summers who are really important people, but then you have people who’s, “My job is I’m just wealthy and I just go from place to place looking for- ” They’re

Laci (00:39:42):

Not even an entourage. They’re just fans. They get jazzed when they see it. I said jazzed again. They get excited when they see him. They find him, maybe because he’s funny, that’s interesting to them in a stuffy New York apartment environment, maybe he actually is some fun. They just seem bored.

Matt (00:40:00):

They’re always called Brazilianaires. They always talk about Brazil, but their passports say Argentina and Jimmy Moore speak Spanish to them and they speak Spanish back.

Laci (00:40:09):

Brazil.

Matt (00:40:09):

But they’re like, “Oh, you’re going on a drive and Taylor Brown was- We love

Laci (00:40:12):

To drive.

Matt (00:40:13):

… was on Seinfeld. These are like Seinfeld foreign accents.”

Laci (00:40:17):

Okay. Yeah. That’s what makes them play.

Matt (00:40:19):

They’re very broad. “Oh, you’re going on a drive tomorrow. Can we come?” And he just tells them, he does the Matt Stokes method of like, “Yes, you can, ” and then assumes they will forget.

Laci (00:40:28):

No, he says, “No, it’s very early. It’s noon.” They’re like, “Oh, that’s good for us.” But he really means that that’s early because they wake up at two, but they pulled a jury, so they showed up on time.

Matt (00:40:41):

Yes, which happens to me all the time. I assume people will forget or back out and then they hardly ever do. I got to rethink things. So it’s the next day and Chevy Chase is hung over and he’s like, “I’m just not going to go. ” But then he sees Dimmy Moore and he’s like, “She looks like Demi Moore. So nevermind.”

Laci (00:40:56):

And you have to remember, he did offer on a turn of a time as soon as she said she was going somewhere and can she borrow his car, he was like, “I’ll drive you. ” So I mean, she’s hot already. I mean, and she shows up in that pretty dress to his cocktail. It’s not like she’s wearing the same thing she was in the elevator.

Matt (00:41:12):

Okay. I take back what I said. You’re

Laci (00:41:13):

Better. She’s a hot piece. All right.

Matt (00:41:18):

So yeah, he’s like, she’s a dang smoke show. So she gets into the car and then the Brazilianais show up and he’s like, Brazilianaires, no, but it’s all four of them. They’re going to go on a drive and they’re going through the Jersey turnpike, but the Brazilianaires are like, “This is boring to look at. Take us to the country, please.”

Laci (00:41:32):

We have no way of knowing if she’s like a big pick me because she gets in the car and she’s like, “Oh, this is a cherry.” She knows exactly what the fuck this car is. Okay, so she’s like magical pixie, dream girl, whatever. And she kind of is. She’s beautiful. She knows boy stuff, but then she’s like, “Oh, we don’t have to take them with us, do we? ” And she wanted to borrow the car. So it’s like, okay, is this woman taking advantage? Is she a brat? And then all of a sudden she’s just fucking lovely. There’s not anyone she can’t charm. She’s a chameleon. She’s like a therapist or something. She doesn’t come off as an attorney, though I guess that’s a good skill for them too. She knows exactly how to mitigate between two desires.

Matt (00:42:17):

It goes immediately from like, they’re not really going to be with us. So now she’s totally into them and laughing along. And yeah, we can have a picnic. Yeah, not a person. Not

Laci (00:42:27):

A person. So now we have two characters who I can’t imagine being in the same body, the Chevy Chase character and Demi Moore. They don’t make sense to me. She was charming immediately with him, but not like this. She just knows how to talk to people in a way to persuade that specific kind of personality, I guess.

Matt (00:42:49):

The driving, they take the diversion to go to the Jersey country, whatever to have a picnic and Chevy chase is like, oh, this whole area is shitty. I should know my grandfather was in coal commodities in the 1930s.

Laci (00:43:00):

And there’s even a name for it that would Jerseylvania or whatever. I wonder if that is a real term, but just … And I’ve been deep diving into the nuclearization of everywhere and where it is and just where we’re storing uranium we’ve mined and don’t need or that we’re going to use one day, which is just around. It’s around everywhere.

Matt (00:43:21):

Why are you doing this? Well,

Laci (00:43:22):

Because I listened to a podcast that was just giving an overview of this man’s podcast and then I started listening to it and it’s really fucking interesting and we’re surrounded by this stuff. And for instance, the Native American population had like statistically significantly lower rates of cancer just in general compared to the general population and this is just different Native American tribes, not one in particular. And then they do the Manhattan experiment in Los Cruises.

Matt (00:43:52):

Alamos.

Laci (00:43:53):

Los Alamos. And in a matter of between two and 12 years, they don’t know because cancers take different times. They’ll developed cancer at four times the rate of the average population. I don’t know, it’s kind of blowing my mind. You can cut all this if you want, but this goes hand in hand with coal mining and the plants where you dig up the coal and that breaks the men and it gives them cancer and mesothelioma. And then you make the product, but the product makes sludge and that has to come out. And so that pollutes the air around all the communities that have to live around the plant. The people who live around the plant are the ones poor enough to need to have that as their way of making money. And then it goes into the water and in the groundwater and just for miles and miles, but not to Manhattan, it’s killing everyone.

Laci (00:44:49):

I mean, right away I’m like, “I’m on Transylvania Vulcanvenia side, let’s kill some people. “

Matt (00:44:56):

Yes, but the movie doesn’t have any firm ideas or just wants to use that as a launching off pad to

Laci (00:45:02):

Make sure. Look how these weirdos. Right. Yeah. Yeah. Look, these are downtrodden fuckers.

Matt (00:45:08):

It probably all starts from the original sin of Dan Akroyd is all building on when he was already a world famous star and he got pulled over in upstate New York. And he’s like, “These people are bumpkins and they’re not treating me like the royalty I am.”

Laci (00:45:20):

Don’t you know who I am? Well, around here, that kind of prestige means nothing, sir. We don’t have any ghosts.

Matt (00:45:26):

So immediately the whole perspective is to be sympathetic to Chevy Jays.

Laci (00:45:30):

Right. We’re fish out of water. Be nice to us. Your fish finally in the toxic water. Okay.

Matt (00:45:37):

So Vulcan Vania, they pulled into this village. It seems deserted. There’s just people sitting on their sofas outside and Chevy Chase is an asshole to them like Bill Murray and Groundhog Day, just by pork futures or whatever. It runs a stop sign and is then pursued by John Candy in one of two rules. He’s playing Dennis, the cop, but they drive out of town and John Candy keeps pursuing them and they’re like, “Hey, just speed up. You can outrun them.” The law doesn’t apply to us.

Laci (00:46:05):

Which is crazy. Well, and it doesn’t take much persuading for Chevy Chase to agree to this, but it’s the two who have diplomatic immunity. I mean, it’s the- I

Matt (00:46:14):

Don’t know that they actually have that.

Laci (00:46:15):

They seem to think they have it and that is a thing. He’s entitled, but they’re on another level. So they’re asking him, “Just commit a crime. We commit crimes all the time. It’s not a big deal. These laws aren’t for us.” But he’s just like, “Okay.” And she seems wishy-washy. She’s got worried eyes, but says nothing. Anyway.

Matt (00:46:39):

When you attend one of Epstein’s parties, they’re like, “You may not want to have sex with a 15-year-old, but if you don’t do it, we’re all going to think things about you. You don’t want us thinking things about you like you’re not one of us, are you?

Laci (00:46:51):

One of us.” Debbie Moore’s character really was into cars. Maybe she’s also into speeding in a car. I don’t know. I can’t tell. Can’t tell with her. You want to know why? She goes where the wind blows, man. Just depends. If you’d gotten away with it, she’d been like, woo.

Matt (00:47:05):

John Candy has switches in his cars to close bridges and stuff, so that’s how he’s able to make them pull over.

Laci (00:47:12):

He has a partner

Matt (00:47:13):

Who

Laci (00:47:14):

Stops them.

Matt (00:47:14):

And Chevy Chase is like, “Hey, I’m so sorry. Yeah, why don’t I go ahead and I’ll just take care of it right here?” And he’s like, “No, sir. I’m putting you under arrest. You’re going to have to come to the courthouse and attend a hearing where we will determine your fate.”

Laci (00:47:25):

But he pointedly does not … He says even there, “I’m not going to charge you with the actual bad crimes,” which were evading an officer speeding really fast. He’s like, “I’m just going to tell the shire that you ran a stop sign.” So he’s already hinting that he’s trying to, he’s not happy with the way things are handled around here either. He understands why they’re this way, but you’ll find out soon that he thinks that the shire should have different degrees of punishing, not just a blanket. If the fly gets in our web, we kill them.

Matt (00:48:05):

Well, the whole scheme, and it takes three times for you to watch this movie to understand it is they’ll get people to come and pledge and do the honorable appearance before the judge and he’ll just let you go if you’re not a banker, which just means a rich New Yorker. And so most people do get away, but when they later discover like, “Oh my God, every rich missing person case in history, it’s all traces back to here, Jimmy Hoffa, et cetera.” So this is all part of the trap is, “Hey, it’s just running a stop sign. You just have to go talk to the judge and you can be on your way.”

Laci (00:48:41):

They also though are not okay with people who are shitty toward them and curse at them or if they do drugs. Drugs and alcohol and cursing seem to also put you in the, “We’re going to kill you now, pile.”

Matt (00:48:54):

So

Laci (00:48:54):

There’s a morality thing happening here.

Matt (00:48:56):

We want you to prove that you respect us in our way of life.

Laci (00:48:59):

And by respect us, I mean don’t do drugs or curse and don’t sass and don’t bank.

Matt (00:49:09):

Yes, but even so while he’s like fucking fine, I’ll come to your stupid courthouse, it’s still like, this is all make believe. These courts have no authority over me. This is Jeffrey Epstein getting arrested by the Palm Beach Police in 2007. Was

Laci (00:49:22):

Jimmy Hoffa not also an attorney?

Matt (00:49:25):

Jimmy Hoffa was the head of the union.

Laci (00:49:28):

Okay. But that’s, I don’t know. You think he would have something against attorneys too. Why is she okay? That’s fine.

Matt (00:49:36):

Yeah.

Laci (00:49:37):

I like that he hears money and says banker. It’s a Financial Times magazine. What if it were negative about finance? He didn’t ask.

Matt (00:49:44):

So you’re in favor of it? No, I’m against it.

Laci (00:49:49):

It’s just a lot of pictures of me swimming in dollar bills.

Matt (00:49:54):

You have to go see the Reeve. The Reeves- The

Laci (00:49:56):

Reeves. Sorry, I keep going The Shire.

Matt (00:49:58):

Well, the Shire- The

Laci (00:49:59):

Shire is their law. The Reeve is their judge.

Matt (00:50:03):

The word Sheriff comes from medieval England where you had these districts called Shires, which is why so many Robinhood English towns have the word Shire at the end. Yorkshire, Hampshire. Shire. And the Reeve was like a magisterial or a judicial figure over this district. So the Shire Reeve.

Laci (00:50:25):

Cheryl.

Matt (00:50:28):

And I believe I did- It’s

Laci (00:50:28):

Before the Magna Carta.

Matt (00:50:30):

Yeah. As we approached the Reeves house, we’re going through this industrial folk art and all these Rube Goldberg contraptions and music is being piped in. What do you mean are we? Yes, we are.

Laci (00:50:39):

There’s no Rube Goldberg. Fuck, there’s nothing contraptiony. It’s a savage yard, salvage.

Matt (00:50:45):

Trying to paint a picture or suggest a certain thing. Rube Goldberg sort of thing.

Laci (00:50:50):

Does look like a fortress though. It does look hard to escape. The bridge goes up behind you, not just a gate, but a bridge. The bridge goes over oil water, like literal oil with jagged metal. That is the most business water I’ve ever seen in my life. And it screams, “Would you like some black lung and a little bit of Tetris? Not test candidate, that’s not it. It’s not Tetris. When you get lockjaw.

Matt (00:51:20):

Tetanus.

Laci (00:51:21):

Yeah. Sorry. It sounds just like Tetris.

Matt (00:51:23):

They arrive at Volcanvania Courts in Schools 1898 and they go in. And so they got to go to their trial and John Candy says usually it only takes a few minutes. We meet the Reeve, Judge Alvin Vulcanvisor, Dan Akroyd, although he’s framed behind books before we finally get a look at him. Oh, this is- What a

Laci (00:51:42):

Reveal.

Matt (00:51:43):

What a reveal indeed. And he asks Chevy Chase, “Are you a banker?” And he says, “No.” And then Akroi’s like, “Okay, then banker.” Because he just knows. He just knows. No,

Laci (00:51:52):

He said he introduced himself as blah, blah, blah, Financial Times, Banker. He does say he writes a financial publication.

Matt (00:51:59):

And then Dan Akrod starts screaming at them, but Chevy Chase still is not impressed. He lights up a cigar. Dan Akroyd screams at him again and then says this thing about this court was chartered in the shire, the feudal English common law. And Demi Moore’s like, “That’s pre-Mac Nacarda stuff.” So it’s like these laws … I mean, what is the point of all of this? This exists outside of … You’re not in America anymore, pal.

Laci (00:52:26):

Well, they’re supposed to kind of come off as indigenous in a way. You colonized us. We already had a thing. We already colonized this.

Matt (00:52:36):

Okay. You

Laci (00:52:36):

Don’t take our colony back. He’s calling my germs. He licked it.

Matt (00:52:43):

I guess that is what … Wouldn’t the movie, I know you can’t do this, but it should be an Indian tribe then. It should be tribal lands. Of course. That’s what it should be. Well,

Laci (00:52:54):

He’s the hypocrite.

Matt (00:52:55):

Yeah, because this is all o stuff.You mean the stuff he brought over from England in the 1800s?

Laci (00:52:59):

Exactly. And yes, your fathers and father fathers were coal miners, right? But they built a coal mine on top of Indian Native American territory.That coal mine was already, you weren’t supposed to unearth that shit, but Native Americans weren’t using coal and digging things out of the ground to pollute and to fucking spread particulates. You’re getting what you deserve and now you’re giving others what they deserve and we’ll just keep on going.

Matt (00:53:26):

Chevy Chase and Demi Moore get dumped into this kid’s pool filled with McDonald’s Happy Meal toys and they’re like, “I’m not happy about this at all and it’s your fault. My fault. It’s your fault. Oh yeah, my fault. Well, how about the Brazilianaire’s fault?” It’s not our fault. Oh my God. We’re laughing and we cut away and we now see more new people. Daniel Baldwin, is this Daniel? Which Baldwin is this?

Laci (00:53:46):

It’s one of them. Steven or Daniel Baldwin. Nothing to do. Look like a Steven Baldwin to me. But you know they’re bad. They’re not even looking at the road. They’re going to have sex. They’re drinking. They’re swerving. They’re doing cocaine.

Matt (00:53:58):

They’re no goodnicks is what we’re saying.

Laci (00:54:00):

I’m saying this is definitely the kind of people you kill and we want to see what this judge is made of. So they needed to give us this toot sweet.

Matt (00:54:09):

Pulled over by John Candy and he’s being polite and following protocol, but Daniel Baldwin gives him like a, “Huh, why don’t you go ahead and blow me copa?” And he’s like, “Ma, I’m going to arrest you then.” And then they pull guns on each other, makes them go to their court appearance. They have massive amounts of drugs and weapons and the judge pronounces them all guilty and sentenced to death.

Laci (00:54:31):

And then they go to the Mr. Bone Ripper ride.

Matt (00:54:34):

The bone stripper. It’s a rollercoaster that sends them onto a slaughtering conveyor belt into a wood chipper and their bones get squirted out.

Laci (00:54:42):

And the wood chipper’s made of salvage materials.

Matt (00:54:45):

Yeah. And so we get to see it. But shouldn’t this be way more violent and scary?

Laci (00:54:50):

No, I think this movie’s going for camp. I think you’re supposed to be having fun and I think you’re not supposed to get … I don’t think it’s a horror movie.

Matt (00:54:58):

But then it doesn’t even communicate that they’re put to death. I know you watch and you’re like, “Oh, they’re dead.” It

Laci (00:55:04):

Sound sounds.

Matt (00:55:04):

Yes, but it doesn’t seem violent. So it doesn’t seem like this is actually happening.

Laci (00:55:08):

Well, don’t you think if they added blood they’d have to go through some sort of process to get a different rating or whatever?

Matt (00:55:14):

Well, yes, I know. That’s why the movie’s a giant miscalculation because you’re basically trying to make a kids movie.

Laci (00:55:19):

Right, right. The kids aren’t going to get your penis nose joke. You’re straddling a weird fence and getting neither quite right.

Matt (00:55:30):

Yeah. So the only people who like this movie are people who watched it as kids because it was on TV and they’re like, “Huh, they’re writing down slides and stuff in Hawaiian punch.”

Laci (00:55:37):

I mean, Cards on the Table, I still found this movie fun. I don’t think it understands what it is. I don’t think these characters work, but there’s still enough shit. And I love TCM2. Sorry, Texas chainsaw massacre too. And it just feels like a less important version of that. And honestly, the Demi Moore character seems like Stretch to me and how she can just kind of fucking charm people.

Matt (00:56:04):

Watch your fucking mouth. That’s a real movie with a real perspective.

Laci (00:56:09):

Absolutely. And I don’t disagree, but this movie’s dabbling in the fun parts of that. I love a house with traps and doors and weird shit. I love the home alonification of things, but in a setting that I haven’t quite seen before and this one does it. And unlike TCM2, it keeps it light so I don’t have to feel bad almost any of the time, not until we get to the babies, the baby me. I feel bad.

Matt (00:56:38):

And we’re not at a part yet where they’re like going into the layers of the house because we’re just at the port with … Well, they go down into the happy meal room and then they’re summoned up for supper where they’re served Hawaiian punch out of giant cans and gross hotdogs on white bread. The white bread’s the most disgusting part to me for whatever reason. And

Laci (00:56:56):

So many condiments out of that train and you know that train’s just been restocked with condiments, never cleaned out. Just condiments on top of old …

Matt (00:57:04):

Oh God, you’re right. Oh

Laci (00:57:05):

Gross. And these sausages, these are not hotdogs. These are horse penises.

Matt (00:57:13):

We meet the other John Candy character who is the judge’s granddaughter, El Dona. They say she’s single and she’s the best class A mechanic in five states, struck dumb at birth by a thunderclap.

Laci (00:57:26):

She didn’t seem dumb. She just seems mute.

Matt (00:57:29):

Well, that’s the old fashioned expression for mute is dumb. Oh,

Laci (00:57:32):

Okay.

Matt (00:57:33):

Deaf blond and dumb. But she does like mispiggy.

Laci (00:57:37):

She communicates nonverbal.

Matt (00:57:39):

Then the judge lectures them all about how in 1917 he was shipped off to the first World War. While he was gone, some New York financier came in and hog loudered and tub wangled my grandfather into mining the whole place in exchange for shares in something called the United Coke Company. And now those stocks are worthless. That’s why I never let a banker go. And Chevy Chase is like, “I’m not a banker.”

Laci (00:58:04):

So mind out underneath even where the town is making it Swiss cheese and

Matt (00:58:09):

Making

Laci (00:58:09):

A cave in anywhere. There was a designated mine but so greedy they just kept going and made the whole place unlivable.

Matt (00:58:16):

Literally the Daniel Day Lewis, I drink your milkshake. You stick a straw in the ground. It comes out here on your land, but you can’t get stuff that’s under other people’s land or like Mr. Burns in that episode. So the house rumbles are like, “Don’t worry about that folks, that’s just a minefire. Been burning since 1926. Nothing to make us interrupt our supper.” But John Candy’s like, he hopes. See, wait, John Candy as Dennis, he’s the skeptical one.

Laci (00:58:43):

Right. Yeah. He was born and raised into this and has met people from the outside and seen some good ones die. He’s jaded, doesn’t like quite how this is all being handled.

Matt (00:58:57):

The Brazilianaires flee. They jump out of the window and to finally escape, they have to swim through the toxics to get to the freeway and they’re like, “This smells like Sal Paolo.” But then they run into John Candy, the cup, but they persuade him, “Hey, help us escape.” And he’s like, “I think I will help you escape. Okay, great, great. We won’t see them again for a long time.” Meanwhile, Eldona takes Demi Moore and Chevy Chase locks them into a bedroom and Chevy Chase is like- That’ll

Laci (00:59:24):

Teach him. Here you guys, stay alone in this bedroom.

Matt (00:59:27):

This bedroom’s messy, but it’s still big and has a nice luxurious fireplace.

Laci (00:59:31):

Right and holes in the wall where you could just escape.

Matt (00:59:35):

So now it becomes just ascentilating romance between these two.

Laci (00:59:40):

This is the worst scene of the whole fucking movie. What is this? Their kissing is so gross.

Matt (00:59:46):

You think all kissing is gross. That is true. She’s complaining about that guy in Atlantic City and Chevy Chase is like, “You’re too good for him.”

Laci (00:59:52):

I know

Matt (00:59:53):

You

Laci (00:59:53):

So well.

Matt (00:59:54):

She says, “Why do I always pick the wrong guy? I’m so trusting and gullible. I’m such a pushover.

Laci (01:00:02):

You’re talking yourself into him with this talk?

Matt (01:00:05):

Yeah. She’s rubbing her hands in his hair and rubbing his … When I see a pretty face, she says this to him. I just can’t help myself. Like what Donald Trump said on the pussy tape. When I see a pretty face, I can’t help but I just start kissing.

Laci (01:00:16):

Just grabbing that pussy.

Matt (01:00:18):

And then you start kissing.

Laci (01:00:21):

Why is she so horny right now? And

Matt (01:00:23):

Then she abruptly pulls away and she’s like, “I need to lie down. Oh, you’re nothing but trouble,” she says.

Laci (01:00:30):

I’m completely confused by this sequence. He did something to make her fall in love in this span. What did he do? Too good for him. How did he help in any way? He did nothing but make things harder. He didn’t listen to her.

Matt (01:00:45):

They’re trying to justify it by her saying, “I always fall for bad guys. And I’m doing it again, Danny.” There

Laci (01:00:50):

I go. I bet this guys better lie down. You better try to fuck me, which doesn’t happen.

Matt (01:00:55):

Yeah, because they’re laying down. She’s asleep. They’re laying down later. He’s awake and he decides he’ll put his arm around her. But right when he does that, we see that they’re spying on them through the painting like Psycho and so they flip some switches, make the bed go all upside down and right side up and then a trap door opens. So they go in through the trap door and now it becomes … We mentioned in the history segment, who could direct this to make this an effective movie? Tim

Laci (01:01:20):

Burton. Is that

Matt (01:01:21):

What you said? Tim Burton for the comedy or you go more into the horror comedy like John Carpenter or Wes Craven and I didn’t mention the most obvious comparison in the world, people under the stairs, which I believe came out the same year, which is also dealing with living within the secret compartments and layers of a giant house to keep away from the evil people who own the house. So just see the people under the stairs. That’s the actual real version of this movie while nevertheless being a comedy. And so they end up- People

Laci (01:01:53):

Under the stairs is a comedy?

Matt (01:01:54):

Yeah, it’s like a dark comedy. Oh,

Laci (01:01:56):

I didn’t know that.

Matt (01:01:56):

Yeah. And they go through the fucking trap doors and stuff. It leads them to the hallways. So they’re just poking into each room. This is where … Oh my God, it’s Batguano. And he’s like, “This must be the bat room.” Just whatever he can do to- Thanks. It must be the nursery.

Laci (01:02:15):

Chevy, you just let it rip. Whatever comes to your mind. And then they’re all like, “That’s all that. “

Matt (01:02:20):

He’s just describing what he, just Randy Newman. Walking up the stairs.

Laci (01:02:24):

Went through a hole I didn’t expect in that room.

Matt (01:02:28):

They end up in the attic where they get trapped and it’s filled with IDs. IDs of all the people they’ve killed.

Laci (01:02:34):

Why is it this easy? Why is it this easy to get into the fucking Bagonia room? I know I keep bringing up Bagonia, but it’s like he just broke into the proof room.

Matt (01:02:44):

Right. Just put

Laci (01:02:46):

Some of that shit in your pockets, man.

Matt (01:02:48):

And the point of a scene like this where you’re like, oh my God.

Laci (01:02:53):

They’re going to do it. They’re mining business.

Matt (01:02:55):

Is you have to now suddenly get an understanding of the danger you’re actually in.

Laci (01:03:01):

Right.

Matt (01:03:02):

It neither feels dangerous. It also felt like they already understood this isn’t good.

Laci (01:03:06):

Yes. And they look like they’re in a fucking tree house. They’re discovering childish. It’s like childish wonderment, not we are fucked.

Matt (01:03:16):

But wouldn’t it be funny if they made a movie about Jeffrey Epstein and he accidentally stumbled into-

Laci (01:03:21):

He stumbles in?

Matt (01:03:22):

Yes.

Laci (01:03:23):

Okay.

Matt (01:03:24):

We’re rooting for Jeffrey and his best friend Andrew.

Laci (01:03:26):

Is he at the Shire’s house? Is everything else the same?

Matt (01:03:30):

It’s not set at the Shire’s house at the Reeves house. It’s said in, let’s say, Inglewood, California.

Laci (01:03:37):

But he’s in the state of fucking California in the city of Englewood or the-

Matt (01:03:41):

In Englewood, California. Yeah.

Laci (01:03:43):

Just the outside.

Matt (01:03:45):

Yeah. They’re on the streets outside. Maybe Jeffrey hits Andrew with his car as he’s carrying donuts and they get into a big fight and then stumble into a pawn shop upon an even more Jeffrey Epstein evil guy in the form of Zed and the Gimp. Wouldn’t that be funny?

Laci (01:04:01):

Wait, but why are we not just calling it Pulp Fiction if you’re going to do this? I don’t understand why it’s

Matt (01:04:05):

This movie. Oh, that is like Pulp Fiction.

Laci (01:04:07):

And this kind of similar.

Matt (01:04:11):

There’s so many good ideas in this movie that it makes me frustrated.

Laci (01:04:15):

Well, and the set is amazing. I know it’s a little overdone in some places and then some places it’s not very thought through, but they went to so much length and so much trouble for these costumes and prosthetics and just the sense of place. That’s what I love. It feels like an amusement park ride. And like an escape room.

Matt (01:04:36):

And they have one of the best cinematographers of all time, Dean Cundy, the guy who will shoot Jurassic Park in two years to shoot it all. So it’s like there’s so much real craft and talent working on this movie. Yes.

Laci (01:04:47):

So it tricks you.

Matt (01:04:48):

And all the actual decisions being made by somebody who’s under a lot of prosthetic makeup and isn’t interested anyway and making any fun decisions.

Laci (01:04:56):

He had Tupac for God’s sakes and in a few years he’s going to die. He’s a national treasure.

Matt (01:05:00):

I know. And all they can do with him is he just stands in the background all around the world.

Laci (01:05:04):

Was he a part of Humpty’s

Matt (01:05:07):

Digital Underground?

Laci (01:05:08):

Yeah. And was the idea to get the Digital Underground because Dan Ackroyd had the funny prosthetic nose joke or did the prosaic nose joke come because of the digital underground-

Matt (01:05:20):

Or was it a total coincidence?

Laci (01:05:22):

It can’t fucking be.

Matt (01:05:23):

You don’t think so?

Laci (01:05:24):

I don’t know, man.

Matt (01:05:26):

But the point I was going to chew is like I think it’s a great idea for a movie to have an evil protagonist who stumbles into an even more evil situation. So

Laci (01:05:36):

You think there is a more evil situation for Eisenhower?

Matt (01:05:40):

For Epstein.

Laci (01:05:41):

I don’t think, I mean, I think

Matt (01:05:42):

He’s- He meets Eisenhower. No,

Laci (01:05:44):

He meets fucking P Diddy or fucking R. Kelly. The shit that is described … No, no, no, no. Hugh Hefner. The shit that is described in that documentary about how Hugh Efner actually was is so fucked up. I know. I think they’d be birds of a feather. I think they’d flock together. I think they fucked together. I think they’d find things real cool. I don’t know if there’s another layer is what I’m saying. What would that layer be? Just killing people? That sounds good.

Matt (01:06:11):

Yeah, it’s a good question. I mean, when nine eleven happened, there was famously a cover of Marvel Comic where Dr. Doom looks at the wreckage of nine eleven and is like, even I think this is horrible. It’s like, you’ve tried to kill billions of people. So what is more evil than Jeffrey Epstein? That

Laci (01:06:29):

Building. I don’t think there is. It

Matt (01:06:31):

Doesn’t have to be that it’s more evil, but it would be like running into Zed.

Laci (01:06:35):

Like matched evil. Everyone owes him. You run into a Zed who’s never going to make it into the upper echelon. Well, I’ll never be at one of your parties. Now you’re my party.

Matt (01:06:45):

Yes, exactly. Yes. That’s what I was trying to

Laci (01:06:47):

Say. Well, that’s exactly what’s happening here is like, there’s no just world where I’ll match you. So I’m going to put you in my unjust world and make you my bitch like you’ve made all of my forefathers.

Matt (01:06:58):

So every ID belongs to a banker. Okay. Okay. Okay. I get it. I get it. I get it. John Candy pulls another switch, opens the door where they slide on these endless slides and Chevy Chase is hilarious. He’s like, “Whoa. Whoa.” Wow, Chevy.

Laci (01:07:16):

What about Demi? How she sounds.

Matt (01:07:20):

I’m on a slide.

Laci (01:07:22):

Perfect, Demi. No more takes.

Matt (01:07:24):

Can you do a Demi more impression? No,

Laci (01:07:26):

She’s got a cool, raspy voice. I can’t do that.

Matt (01:07:29):

I’m a strip cheese.

Laci (01:07:30):

No, no. I’m a GI train. No, no. She’s got a really cool voice. You can’t really … That’s not

Matt (01:07:38):

Safe. Not to mention we ate movies again, but when I heard them do a Scarlett Johansen impression, it was like, “Oh, you can do a Scarlett Johansen impression.” Do

Laci (01:07:47):

It.

Matt (01:07:48):

Hey, big boy. The sun’s getting real low. It doesn’t have to sound anything like her. But you’re like, I get it. Yeah. Sun’s getting real low.

Laci (01:07:57):

Guys, I just want everybody to get along and look, there’s a beautiful path and then we’ll come back. He’s very close to the … I’m Demi Moore. That was me Demi Moore, but I’m a little too country, a little too laid back. Guys, everybody. Oh, tell me more about that, judge. I’m just a simple little lady who knows a lot of things, Magna Carta. No, I don’t know. It’s hard because she’s charming and that’s not charming.

Matt (01:08:21):

They end up in different places. She ends up in the junkyard whereas he ends up in a layer of the house where he gets to spy on the judge. As the judge feels-

Laci (01:08:27):

Why would they make that an option? That’s some kinky sex shit, I guess. I guess he likes a visitor every now and then.

Matt (01:08:34):

Or maybe his family members are always spying on him because this is a culture of distrust. But

Laci (01:08:39):

The place where Chevy lands is full of bones. So the implication is you landed in the place where you’re supposed to now die in the wall and the place where you die in the wall is behind his bedroom because he likes to hear you moaning and dying to death, starving to death. There’s some fucking gross ass shit that that’s what you’re supposed to do. But the house is decayed. He’s gone so far into justice, he’s gone to injustice and now his house is going to crumble upon him and become his demise. So you bust through his wall? That wall looked like it could definitely have been busted through several skeletons ago, but whatever. But whatever.

Matt (01:09:17):

Even so, you’re making it sound good. I do notice Dan Ackroyd is getting ready to go to bed and every single light is on in the room. And this too just feels like Dan Ackroyd, the director being like, “I don’t care. It doesn’t matter how it’s lit. Put the lights on. ” Because you got to be able to see everything. So let’s not bother setting up any kind of intricate lighting. That’s

Laci (01:09:37):

Why it feels like a kid’s movie or

Matt (01:09:39):

Something. Yes, exactly. Yes. So Timmy Moore is now out on the junkyard grounds and she runs into the big diaper babies.

Laci (01:09:46):

I just don’t understand who set up these slides and contraptions. What was the point? If you get that slide, is it just like, well, that’s the flip of the coin.That’s life being fair. You got out Fair and Square, you make it off the property. Hey, you got chosen. What is the goal of that slide?

Matt (01:10:07):

And John Candy, as Dennis pulling the switches, is that him trying to help them? I

Laci (01:10:12):

Don’t know.

Matt (01:10:13):

So these big diaper babies, Dan Ackerman’s one of them.

Laci (01:10:16):

Maybe it’s like the chicken, the goose room in Willie Wonka, the chocolate factory. It weighs them and it puts Demi down the good slide and the baker down the bad slide because it can feel their evilness.

Matt (01:10:27):

It’s not good what happens to her though.

Laci (01:10:30):

It’s not, but she did get the opportunity and he got the death wall.

Matt (01:10:33):

I guess.

Laci (01:10:35):

But he’s a banker. He’s a tricky banker, Mt. He worked it out.

Matt (01:10:38):

I guess they were only going to kill her to lure him out.

Laci (01:10:42):

Yeah.

Matt (01:10:42):

She ends up with these big diaper babies, big Bobo and little devil. And they’re like, “You’re so fat. I’m so fat. I wish our grandpa wasn’t so mad at us for being fat.” And they’re working in a foundry and then they see her and they’re like, “We want to play with her.” So they hold her hostage in this cage thing. But she makes the best of it, meanwhile. She

Laci (01:11:05):

Does. She makes best friends.

Matt (01:11:07):

In the house, Chevy Chase gets caught by Eldona and the judge is like, “That means you need to marry her because that’s our family tradition.” If you catch her eye, you have to, okay, marry her. Meanwhile, the lady cop has brought in a new group of speeders. It is the digital underground, early nineties rap rap group. That’s how I call them the rap group. Okay. I

Laci (01:11:29):

Think

Matt (01:11:30):

The

Laci (01:11:30):

Kids will get it.

Matt (01:11:31):

Yeah. With a young Tupac Shakur in a Yankee shirt just in the background. Nobody’s like, “Don’t pay attention to him.” They’re brought before the judge and they say, “We are musicians.” And the judges like musicians, A, prove it. And so they do a full musical number. Same song as the song and it is fun.

Laci (01:11:50):

It is fun. And the judge does play a sweet organ.

Matt (01:11:55):

The real Dan Akroyd is like, “Well, I got a show that I can play a song too and gets on the organ and plays along.”

Laci (01:12:00):

I like it.

Matt (01:12:01):

Oh yeah. It’s fun and they’re all like, “It’s a little unconventional, but I think I like it. ” And

Laci (01:12:06):

Then the sexy hype girls that just like musicians, doesn’t matter what they look like. They go around Tim to like, “Yeah, hype him up. Now we’re your groupies. You’re not going to have sex with this thing. All of his stuff falls off. Quit hyping him.” But it’s good. It gets them out of there and it shows you that the judge knows how to be fair.

Matt (01:12:25):

Yes, because he says, “You know what? Because of your contribution to the common good, you’re musicians, you’re creating good stuff in the world. I wave all charges. You are free to go. ” And they’re all like, “Great, we love you. ” He’s like, “Go one more thing. Can you stay here and perform a wedding ceremony?” Yes, no problem. They’re going to make Chevy Chase get married to Eldona. It’s hilarious because Eldona’s a man playing a woman.

Laci (01:12:50):

Oh, that’s unconventional.

Matt (01:12:52):

And

Laci (01:12:53):

Apparently Chevy Chase is, I mean, John Candy is so bad at doing a female voice that just be mute. She’s good at those. I like all of hers. I think John Canady is very funny in this role. It’s more entertaining than the other

Matt (01:13:08):

Role. It is. I agree. It

Laci (01:13:11):

Wasn’t Will Smith when he’s dressed as a lady in Wildwild West. I know it’s stupid and tried and definitely not something you do now, but it’s funny to me when certain people do it.

Matt (01:13:22):

But Chevy’s like, they’re like, “Do you accept this woman?” And he’s like, “I do. ” And the judge pronounces the man and wife. And then Chevy says to digital underground, “Help me. You got to help me. ” And tries to run away. And they’re like, “God damn it. Okay, you guys all leave. Chevy Chase, we sentenced you to death in the bone stripper.” So I

Laci (01:13:42):

Don’t know. Now here’s this. Everything’s art.

Matt (01:13:47):

So Chevy’s been sentenced to death, but he escapes again. It just keeps happening. He just keeps escaping. They’re not

Laci (01:13:53):

Good at this. I mean, we know what the fail safe is. We don’t know it yet, but I guess it’s okay if people escape. People probably always escape.

Matt (01:14:01):

The fail safe being the other cops?

Laci (01:14:02):

That everyone’s bringing you back.

Matt (01:14:04):

Okay. So Aldona goes out into the junkyard and she has the greater teen, which is …

Laci (01:14:10):

Like a guillotine.

Matt (01:14:11):

It’s like a guillotine, but made out of a crane.

Laci (01:14:14):

Because it also grates cheese.

Matt (01:14:16):

I guess. Okay. And they’re going to slice Demi Moore up if Chevy Chase doesn’t come out and save her.

Laci (01:14:22):

Because he’s hiding aptly in the junk, which it seems like you could hide for days in this junkyard. It’s got so much shit. There’s stacked city buses just like a partition here.

Matt (01:14:36):

So why the people under the stairs is good because something so elaborate, it is plausible that you can spend your entire life hiding in all of this by just always moving. But Demi Moore gets on the loudspeakers like, “Hey, Chevy Chase, please come save me. ” And he’s like, “Okay.” Lights of fire that makes some gas explode, big explosion and Chevy and Demi run off and get on the train and flee. I’m like, okay, yes.

Laci (01:15:00):

They actually do it. They get it out of here. And this is when we find out that Demi Moore looks great in a gray T-shirt and that she should shave her head and do some pull-ups on an arm bar.

Matt (01:15:10):

And you said you’re very relieved that they change clothes?

Laci (01:15:13):

I always feel so much happier when people change clothes. No, because in Better Call Saul, the desert episode, when they finally get their clothes, I’m so relieved. And then Pulp Fiction, when Jules and Miles finally get their change to clothes them so early, it just means like, phew, forgot of that.

Matt (01:15:28):

Henson, not Miles.

Laci (01:15:31):

Oops. Anyway, hard I get Miles. I like that they are so out of the danger they even had a shower. It makes me happy.

Matt (01:15:41):

And yet the movie’s continuing to go. Is

Laci (01:15:44):

That

Matt (01:15:44):

Done? And they’re giving a big thing. They’re speaking to the Attorney General of New Jersey in his office in Trenton.

Laci (01:15:49):

This bitch drew that map.

Matt (01:15:51):

I guess so. Yes. She’s a fucking

Laci (01:15:52):

Artist too. She’s a typographer.

Matt (01:15:54):

And the attorney general is like- Topograph.

Laci (01:15:57):

Typographer.

Matt (01:15:58):

I’m sitting here with my chief of police, Brian Doyle Murray

Laci (01:16:03):

Who just left Ponksatoni

Matt (01:16:06):

And you’re going to have to come with us to Volcanvania to identify the perps.

Laci (01:16:10):

And they’re like, sure. I’d be on … No, I know.

Matt (01:16:17):

That’s what Chevy Chase says, but Demi Moore’s like, “Come on, we can do it.

Laci (01:16:21):

” I would dumb. I just escaped this area.

Matt (01:16:27):

So they go back, they go in with a giant SWAT team and all of the army, but the attorney general’s like, “The thing is we got to serve them the warrant before we can shoot them or whatever, but we got to get them to come out. ” And Denny Moore’s like, “I think we can make them come out. What do you say, Chris?” And he’s like, “Oh, I don’t know. ” And she’s like, “I’ll suck your dick on the way.” And he’s like, “Okay.” And they go up, they ring the doorbell and they’re like, “You’re through judge.” And he’s like, “I don’t think I’m through. Why don’t you take a look behind you? ” And they do. “Hi,

Laci (01:16:55):

Judge, or whatever they say in Unison.

Matt (01:16:57):

Yep. All of the cops and all of the New Jersey government, they’re all in on it. And the attorney general’s like, ” You see, he takes care of all of our criminals and we let him do whatever he wants.

Laci (01:17:09):

“I guess the idea is that New Jersey is the dump ground for New York. It’s New Jersey against New York is just what it feels like. That’s why it’s all of them. We’ve all been cast aside. We live in all of the filth that it took to build New York. I guess all your plants over here. You guys have restrictions and different things that you cannot allow on your side of your precious island. You put all your bullshit over here.

Matt (01:17:34):

So everybody in New Jersey wants all the bankers of New York dead. Yes. To

Laci (01:17:38):

Crash the fucking Wall Street, which will bring the rest of the United States down.

Matt (01:17:45):

That’s what they want to happen. It’s not like they’re like, ” Oh great, you’re getting rid of all of our murderers and whatever. “No, just

Laci (01:17:51):

The bankers.

Matt (01:17:51):

Yeah.

Laci (01:17:52):

Because when you think about it, they kill more people than murderers.

Matt (01:17:54):

Yes, I know, but-

Laci (01:17:56):

Murders only have got two hands.

Matt (01:17:58):

Is that so?

Laci (01:17:59):

This is the octopus murderer.

Matt (01:18:01):

Okay. So they’re like, ” Oh no, this goes all the way to the top. Oh God. But then the fucking-

Laci (01:18:06):

It goes all the way to the very middle manager,

Matt (01:18:08):

New

Laci (01:18:08):

Jersey.

Matt (01:18:09):

Mines explode and

Laci (01:18:11):

Thank God.

Matt (01:18:12):

Our heroes escape.

Laci (01:18:13):

Yay. But do they?

Matt (01:18:15):

And Volcanvenia gets swallowed by the earth.

Laci (01:18:18):

As it should, look at his teeth. Oh my God.

Matt (01:18:21):

We go check in on … It’s Rio de Janeiro. The Brazilianaires and John Candy, they’re living their best lives there. They’ve hired him as their bodyguard, but also as Ronalda’s lover and she takes his hand and puts it on her butt, which ladies, that’s always a good move. And men too, just grab your lover’s hand and put it on your butt. They will always like it.

Laci (01:18:43):

Let them know where you want them to squeeze. It’s nice. It takes out the guesswork.

Matt (01:18:47):

Will there be a person alive who doesn’t enjoy that? No, they will all like it. Now, if you are lovers, if you’re not lovers, don’t do it. Don’t

Laci (01:18:54):

Do that.

Matt (01:18:55):

But ask yourself, am I this person’s lover? If so- If

Laci (01:18:57):

The answer’s

Matt (01:18:58):

Yes,

Laci (01:18:59):

You grab their hand, you put it on your own butt.

Matt (01:19:01):

There you go.

Laci (01:19:02):

Yeah.

Matt (01:19:03):

And if any of that was unclear, just rewind and listen to it again. Okay. So Chevy Chase meanwhile is having PTSD. I guess it’s the next day and he’s waiting for having a bad dream. His PT of his penthouse and he’s like, “Oh, Judge, oh no.” And Dimmy Moore’s like, “What’s wrong, baby? Don’t worry. It’s all okay.” No, we live together. Take a shower. And he’s like, “Oh, okay. I’ll just watch some television.” It’s like Austin Powers. “Oh, just watch a movie.” And he turns on the TV and- Oh, it’s

Laci (01:19:30):

Like Austin Powers.

Matt (01:19:30):

And they’re like news from Vulcan Vania, breaking news, extra, extra, big explosion. But here we’ll talk to this man. What’s going on?

Laci (01:19:38):

Here’s a local with a dick nose.

Matt (01:19:40):

And it’s Judge Alvin, whatever. And he’s like, “I got to surprise motherfucker.” And now his nose literally is Chaplain. It is literally- It’s been a

Laci (01:19:48):

Penis for a while.

Matt (01:19:49):

Yes, but here this is a different prosthetic they’ve put on you.

Laci (01:19:51):

At dinner, it was a penis with a split in the middle like this and balls.

Matt (01:19:56):

They had to have sculpted it for this particular scene to evade ratings.

Laci (01:20:01):

Okay, fine.

Matt (01:20:02):

Because it looks like a shriveled up like a-

Laci (01:20:04):

Yes, but so did the dinner scene, Dick, when he’s eating the fucking hotdog. Go back. I implore you.

Matt (01:20:10):

So what he says to the camera is like, “We’ve lost everything, but we’re not going to rebuild. I have a son-in-law, a grandson-in-law who lives in New York. We’re going to go live with him.” And he holds up Chevy Chase’s ID.

Laci (01:20:23):

And then the most egregious thing ever in cinema history happens, Chevy Chase gets up and runs out of the apartment in a fucking Looney Tunes shape hole of him is through his wall.

Matt (01:20:37):

And that sucks.

Laci (01:20:38):

What the fuck?

Matt (01:20:39):

But way more egregious to me is that the last thing we hear in the movie is Chevy Chase because he has to come out on top saying, “No, you won’t.”

Laci (01:20:46):

Wow.

Matt (01:20:47):

Movie over.

Laci (01:20:48):

Schwarzenegger needs his name above the title. Chevy Chase needs his voice to be the last stupid fucking thing said.

Matt (01:20:55):

Of him denying, “You shall not conquer me.

Laci (01:20:58):

” Yeah. I’ve just left my lover in the shower didn’t give her a warning at all and you’re coming to this address and I’ve made a hole.

Matt (01:21:09):

I’m surprised

Laci (01:21:10):

Doesn’t have a big schlong dick imprint too, just because Chevy Chase really …

Matt (01:21:14):

Make it lower, lower, lower. I mean, this has kicked my ass talking about this movie. All right, we’ll now get to our final thoughts. Oh.

Laci (01:21:40):

I don’t remember what I gave it. I feel like I really enjoyed watching it until the end. Stop it with that poster. It’s so chicken. Does he write into his contracts that he needs to look like this in every poster? It looks like National Lampoon.

Matt (01:22:00):

That’s true. It’s

Laci (01:22:00):

Identical.

Matt (01:22:02):

I wonder if some fan made this after the

Laci (01:22:04):

Fact. It has to be. And she’s always lower. Everyone’s lower than him and they’re hugging him.

Matt (01:22:10):

Yeah, because the theatrical poster is just very boring, like static shots of all of these people. Anyway, I hate thinking about this movie. I hate this movie and yet-

Laci (01:22:22):

I still say watch it.

Matt (01:22:24):

You got to check it out because it’s-

Laci (01:22:26):

It’s so weird.

Matt (01:22:26):

Yeah, there’s nothing like it. I never want to see it again. I enjoyed watching it more than I enjoyed talking about

Laci (01:22:33):

It.

Matt (01:22:34):

I don’t know, two stars. It’s a misfire. It is. But when they ask, what movies should they remake? Remake this movie. I mean, call it Volcanvania, but hire a real director and just take this premise and take the design elements and really do something with it. And pick

Laci (01:22:52):

A direction and go all the way that way.

Matt (01:22:55):

Make it about Jeffrey Epstein.

Laci (01:22:57):

Oh yeah.

Matt (01:22:57):

Well, how many stars do you give it?

Laci (01:22:59):

I don’t remember.

Matt (01:23:00):

I want to

Laci (01:23:00):

Say three or two and a half. I think it was probably two and a half. Oh, I’m going to say two and a half. Two and a half. I don’t usually go much lower than that. It has to be pretty bad.

Matt (01:23:12):

Okay. In some ways I think like, oh, this is one of the worst movies we’ve ever covered. But no, it’s not. It’s

Laci (01:23:19):

Not.

Matt (01:23:20):

It’s not. It’s fun. It’s not fun.

Laci (01:23:22):

I had fun.

Matt (01:23:23):

All right. I don’t know. This movie is- I

Laci (01:23:27):

Get why I liked it as a kid.

Matt (01:23:29):

And I would’ve liked it too. I would’ve liked the slides and stuff.

Laci (01:23:32):

See, this is another Beetlejuice situation where you can understand why that world’s really fun and-

Matt (01:23:37):

Beetlejuice is a good movie. Yeah,

Laci (01:23:38):

But you didn’t know. The first time we watched it together, you did not think it was good.

Matt (01:23:42):

That’s true. And then when we watched it again seven years later, I said, “This is a good movie.”

Laci (01:23:46):

Okay. All right. Well, but it was another one where you understand the hardcore attachment that could happen, especially if you had seen it as a kid. It’s because the world is fun. The house is fun. It’s another tricky, crazy house. I love a tricky, crazy house you’re stuck in. I love it.

Matt (01:24:04):

And we said this in the history segment, but now that cable doesn’t exist and you can’t just stumble upon a movie already in progress, it does ask- It’s just not going to find stuff. You have to choose something and watch it from the beginning. And that means maybe very strange movies will not get watched because this would’ve just been on and you’re like, “What is this? “

Laci (01:24:24):

It would have to be so strange that people talked about it. It’s the kind of movie that if it goes under the radar at RL, you just knock because I don’t think that me and you would commit to watching a movie together that we didn’t know the rating on in some capacity or the vibe and that’s just going to stop you from seeing some weird shit.

Matt (01:24:40):

And that’s sad. It sucks. Yeah, I wish we lived in a world. That’s the only thing that sucks about the world right now is that you can’t. Yeah. Everything

Laci (01:24:46):

Else is peak

Matt (01:24:48):

Oral behavior. I think they say, “No, they’re streaming channels that play movies live.” I’m like, “Well, no, thank you. ” Disney Plus for me, please. What’s coming up? Next week we’re doing sideways.

Laci (01:25:01):

Yes.

Matt (01:25:01):

A movie eyes. Fucking love Sideways. Theater with my mother, saw the anal sex scene with my mother. There’s

Laci (01:25:07):

An anal sex scene in Sideways.

Matt (01:25:08):

It’s referenced.

Laci (01:25:10):

Yeah, he does mention it. Okay.

Matt (01:25:12):

So that anal sex movie will be coming out next week and then in April, sex

Laci (01:25:16):

Month. Six month. Woo, because the birds

Matt (01:25:19):

And the

Laci (01:25:19):

Bees and the bitches on their knees. Are you right? Am I right? Who’s with me? I made that up.

Matt (01:25:24):

Really? That’s awesome. The birds are fucking the bees. The flowers are sporing. They’re spooge all over your car.

Laci (01:25:31):

There is flower come all over my car right now and it’s up my nose and I didn’t say facial please. I didn’t …

Matt (01:25:38):

But even so. You see it all, you smell it all and you’re like, “I’m getting a little horny.” Aw, it

Laci (01:25:42):

Smells like tree sex in here. Fern gully, anybody.

Matt (01:25:45):

So four sex movies that we have yet to figure out. Four sex movies coming up in April. Otherwise, check out Laci’s YouTube channel, movie character morphs, one WR coloring channel.

Laci (01:25:56):

You better get in while there’s room. Okay, because I already have 164 subscribers, so I don’t know if I can fit anymore.

Matt (01:26:02):

Link in the description. We are on Facebook, TikTok, Instagram, Twitter, Blue Sky and YouTube. Links in the description to follow all of us.

Laci (01:26:10):

We’re also inside your mama.

Matt (01:26:13):

Because it’s sex

Laci (01:26:14):

More. I don’t need your help. That was just what I wanted to say, Matt. Nope.

Matt (01:26:18):

That’s just for you. It’s just for the ladies.

Laci (01:26:20):

It’s just for the ladies.

Matt (01:26:21):

I’m on Letterboxd @MattStokes9. Laci is @LoadBearingLaci. My band does the music for the show. Rural Route Nine. Links to our music is in the description.

Laci (01:26:32):

Matt’s other podcasts, sign post up ahead and pod job, not about sex.

Matt (01:26:36):

Because James Bond doesn’t like sex, he just likes kissing.

Laci (01:26:40):

Doesn’t right. He’s just a deep makeout guy that holds a gun while he’s kissing you.

Matt (01:26:44):

What we’re saying is check out that description. Yeah. Thanks so much.

Laci (01:26:47):

Check out the

Matt (01:26:48):

Description.

Laci (01:26:49):

Check out the description of my podcast. Okay, I love you. Goodbye.