Practical Magic (1998)

Matt (00:00:21):

Welcome to 1-Week Rental. I am Matt Stokes. And

Laci (00:00:24):

I am Laci Roth.

Matt (00:00:25):

This is the season premier of 1-Week Rental for what is either our fourth, fifth, or sixth season, depending on how you slice it up. There’s a lot of people who have ideas about when our seasons start, but we just concluded the summer of Nolan. How does it feel, Laci, to be past Christopher Nolan?

Laci (00:00:40):

Good. Usually I miss it, but I was ready to be done with the summer. So sorry to look at the end of those series as like, oh fuck yeah, we’re back into the normal life. Although we did decide to move, which made things abnormal and then more normal than ever somehow.

Matt (00:00:58):

House rocks. If you go into our Summer of Nolan catalog midway through the Oppenheimer episode, we relocate, not to this room we’re in right now, but to a different set of rooms in this house. And the room tones are all weird. And the room tones in this room we’re in right now are freaking me out and it might be, I don’t know. You probably won’t notice a thing, but it’s all I can focus on is how much I can hear myself. So I don’t know. But the way that we do this show is we spend a week with an episode. No, we spend a week with a movie. We go to the theoretical video store, pick up, I mean it’s 1998, you’re writing Practical Magic at Blockbuster video. And do you remember guys? Only people our age will remember being kind and rewinding. Shut up.

Matt (00:01:40):

Well, that’s what you would do with Practical Magic. And then we’ll tell you everything that we learned about the movie in the week leading up to the episode and then all of our thoughts on the movie. And Laci and I are also married to each other and this is our new location.

Laci (00:01:52):

For now, the married part location, I’m staying here.

Matt (00:01:55):

You love Practical Magic. You’d seen it before.

Laci (00:01:58):

I love it. I love it more every time I watch it. And it’s one of those movies like Dirty Dancing where I love it for its earnest, cheesy moments. And it’s a potpourri,

Matt (00:02:12):

A

Laci (00:02:12):

Witch’s brew.

Matt (00:02:13):

It is a witch’s brew.

Laci (00:02:14):

And it has so many amazing anchoring women in it that it goes to shore. Got that metaphor? Yeah, you’re

Matt (00:02:25):

Right. It does have so many anchoring women in it that it goes to shore. Anchor women.

Laci (00:02:29):

It goes to shore even though they’re anchoring. Whatever.

Matt (00:02:34):

You’re in good hands. You know where the shore is out on a ship. I get it. Nicole Kibman’s at sea, Sandra Bullock’s on the beach and she’s like, “Hey, hey sister.” I’m just

Laci (00:02:43):

Saying if you can go home to Rizzo and you can go home to the mom from Lost Boys that you’re fine. Dan, Wiestt has got your back and that other lady.

Matt (00:02:52):

You think of her more as the Lost Boys mom than the Edward Scissorhands mom? I

Laci (00:02:57):

Think of her as the 1980s mom. She’s maybe the mom in more things and early 90s because also there’s parenthood, but she’s a mom in so, so many things. You’re welcome. Yep. Case closed.

Matt (00:03:11):

I think of these four main women, we’ve got at least three Oscar winners. Stocker Channing I believe has been nominated, but yeah, Diane Wiestt, one for a Woody Allen movie, at least one. I think for Hannah and her sisters.

Laci (00:03:25):

Woody loves a wafe.

Matt (00:03:28):

A wafy

Laci (00:03:28):

Woman.

Matt (00:03:29):

He’s got a type you might say. You know what his favorite book is probably Little Woman.

Laci (00:03:33):

Little Wafey Women.

Matt (00:03:35):

I’d never seen Practical Magic. I didn’t even know what. We used to do pre-movie predictions where we would be like, “This is what I think this movie’s going to be.” Those

Laci (00:03:42):

Were such a hit.

Matt (00:03:43):

We stopped doing them, but this is one where I kind of wish I had recorded like, “Here’s what I think this movie is.” Okay. And I guess it was basically what it turned out to be because they are. I didn’t know that they are. I figured this is women who learn that they’re witches and learn how to do magic. No, they already know they’re magic, but they kind of have to learn how to do magic anyway.

Laci (00:04:04):

It’s kind of like Spider-Man. It’s like, “Well, I have this. It’s not really a choice that I have it and my life is going to be different from other people’s because of it. I’m going to go through different Spider-Man phases.” Each Spider-Man’s going to handle a difference. Some are going to lean in, some are going to be aggravated that they can’t just be normal men.

Matt (00:04:21):

Look, this movie is beloved and we’re going to get into the history segment about the reception of this movie and how its cult classic status grew. We do a lot of these cult classic movies where I think even someone who seems to love this movie, Laci, you called it a potpourri, you called it a witch’s brew. I did. And these cult classic movies do sort of have this in common where it’s like, boy, it goes in a lot of different directions and yeah, multiple viewings probably make it make a lot more sense.

Laci (00:04:51):

I think the reason why something becomes a cult classic is because a little bit of everybody can find a little bit of themselves in different places

Matt (00:04:57):

Or

Laci (00:04:57):

A little bit of comfort in whatever. So there’s different reasons I like this movie and they don’t necessarily have anything to do with each other. Okay,

Matt (00:05:06):

That’s interesting. I look forward to hearing about that when we talk about the movie itself. And certainly I don’t know how many movies in 1998 you would’ve found where it’s like the solution is just a bunch of women get together and work together to solve the problem. And that is certainly, hey, that’s neat for the ladies.

Laci (00:05:22):

It’s ahead of its time. And you think it’s a love story about. I mean, the whole thing is this yearning, churning love story about a man, but it’s not even that. It’s a love story about accepting yourself and loving your sister. The people you’re actually going to have your back and die with you. And

Matt (00:05:36):

Me watching the movie, I’m like, “Just fuck Aiden Quinn. Just do it, Sandra Bullock. Just do it.” This is the part of the movie I’m getting most engaged with is when it becomes a Sandra Bullock rom-com. Listen, I did not care for this movie. What bothers me now, I didn’t do any of the research prior to this morning, and I went back and read some of the negative reviews by Roger Ebert, and they say exactly what I thought, which is this is a hodgepodge of tones and it shifts violently. And one thing I noticed, I mean, I think by far the worst thing about the movie is the score by Alan Sylvestri, who in general is the worst of the major movie composers. It’s just the most trachly. He’s always doing a Dollar General version of John Williams doing hook, just kind of generic hook, not even.

Laci (00:06:24):

See, you care more about the score part and I care more about the soundtrack part in this movie. You like that too. You like this kiss. I love that song. That’s so weird. Oh, I love that song because of this movie.

Matt (00:06:36):

But that’s what makes the tonal shift seem so weird. Nicole Kidman is possessed by this evil spirit and they’re like – Being

Laci (00:06:43):

A witch is weird.

Matt (00:06:44):

And it’s like a really dark part of the movie. And then they’re like, “You know what this means? Yeah, we’re going to have to do some sister power.” And then it’s like he plays his Richie Rich score and it becomes a kid’s movie. It’s very weird to watch this for the first time. I will be watching it again to prepare for part two. Maybe it will improve, but I did not have a great time with it. Fan

Laci (00:07:04):

Fucking tassy. Because I was very aware that my nostalgia would take over the ship of my brain for this one, I watched it with the kid and I don’t think the kid blows smoke up my ass. This kid was enchanted.

Matt (00:07:18):

Yeah, I want to know why.

Laci (00:07:19):

I think he loved it. Well, I asked. I was like, “I know Matt’s going to want to know.” So on the way to school when Max did not have very much energy was like, “I just saw you.” And I’m like, “Wait, watching the movie?” And they’re like, “No, literally in every part of the movie, I just saw you.” And I was like, “Wait, who? The movie.” I was like, “I don’t think that at all about this movie.” I was like, “But I saw me and the kid. I saw the, no matter what, you come back to this house and you would be loved,” that feeling. It might be weird over here, but it’s fucking weird out there too, man.

Matt (00:07:56):

You also have always talked about being an old person with the person you love the most.

Laci (00:08:01):

On a rocking chair.

Matt (00:08:02):

Yeah, and maybe you got it from this movie. Well,

Laci (00:08:03):

I mean, that’s in a lot of movies. All right.

Matt (00:08:05):

But

Laci (00:08:05):

Yeah, the idea of being with a woman that way, yeah. Me and Kim doing this, me and Max.

Matt (00:08:10):

But now it’s me and you.

Laci (00:08:11):

Sure, you can come.

Matt (00:08:13):

That’s what you’ve said to me. You didn’t mean it. Of

Laci (00:08:15):

Course I meant it. You just have to learn magic.

Matt (00:08:19):

So yeah, let’s get into the history segment now on Practical Magic. Reminder to y’all, check out that back catalog. Check out The Summer of Nolan. If Christopher Nolan’s No Your Speed, we have episodes about While You Were Sleeping, starring Sandra Bullock, The Others starring – Nicole Kidman. Nicole Kidman. Grease two. Yeah, Grease two. Not with

Laci (00:08:39):

Rizzo. But

Matt (00:08:40):

We did talk a lot about Rizzo in that episode. Love some stalker. So go back through that back catalog. We have a Patreon, we have social media, we have YouTube. It’s all there for you. We did it for you. Yeah.

Laci (00:09:15):

I like that this movie handles magic as just something. I mean, there’s so many movies about trying to get the craft or coming into contact with someone who has it, but just I’m born with it and now this is how I live my life. It has bad parts and good parts. And how you choose to deal with the fact that you’ve got magic.

Matt (00:09:38):

Yeah. I think the movie does an absolutely dreadful job of establishing what magic is, how you practice it, what powers are available to them.That’s

Laci (00:09:46):

Not how it works. You just do what you do. Some of it comes natural and you realize that –

Matt (00:09:50):

A movie needs to show you, here’s what it actually means in practice to do practical magic.

Laci (00:09:56):

It shows you. The fact that the movie is showing you that these people are just trying to live a normal life and here’s when magic comes into our lives when we decide to use it, that’s what makes it practical. Their life isn’t about magic. They just are people who have some magic that they can use every now and then.

Matt (00:10:12):

I’m never one to say I need to know more about this world, but I need to know just a little bit more about this world and what their understanding of their lives and their powers is. But we’ll get into all of that. This all starts with a 1995 novel by Alice Hoffman, published in 1995 Practical Magic. She wrote a lot of other novels, very successful author. Other things turned into movies like her YA novel, Aqua Marine, which was adapted into a movie that my little sister loved, which is now getting turned into a Disney+ series. But in a Reddit AMA in 2021, Alice Hoffman said, “I came up with the idea of Practical Magic because I though it would be a great title. I keep a list of titles. I though I would eventually find a book that fits with the title, and I did.” Yay.

Matt (00:10:59):

Yeah, I love that too. Yeah. Hey, practical. That’s

Laci (00:11:02):

A practical thing to do.

Matt (00:11:03):

And then she said in an interview that she did for Simon & Schuster’s YouTube channel, she said, “When I first started Practical Magic, I just had the title. I was working in a little shed and I walked in there and by the time the summer ended and I walked out, I had the book. I’d never experienced that before. The book just came to me. I felt so lucky that these women just appeared. It was like magic for me. And never before or since had I had that experience. I just feel very lucky that the Owens women came to me.” She would go on to revisit the Owens family several times. She had a prequel about the ants as young women called The Rules of Magic. She wrote a prequel about – There

Laci (00:11:37):

You go, Matt. You need to read that. It’s all about. Jesus Christ. Just do your homework one week fucking

Matt (00:11:43):

Expert

Laci (00:11:43):

My ass. More like one morning expert. It’s

Matt (00:11:45):

Your fault. I know. We’ve been moving and all this stuff. I usually read the novel. I wish I had. I want to figure out is the novel less jarring?

Speaker 3 (00:11:54):

Probably. Yeah.

Matt (00:11:56):

2020, a prequel about the Owens Witch at the Salem Witch Trials, and then in 2021, a proper sequel to Practical Magic that is the source for the new movie, Practical Magic two.

Laci (00:12:07):

Wait, what?

Matt (00:12:09):

The new movie is called Practical Magic two, and it is based on the 2021 novel that Alice Hoffman wrote. Oh, is it not?

Laci (00:12:15):

Okay, sorry.

Matt (00:12:17):

I think it’s called The Rules of. It’s not called Practical Magic two. It’s got a different title. Now, frustratingly, there’s very little information about the development of this movie. There are three credited screenwriters and they have the word and in between, not the ampersand. That means that each of them worked independent of the others. If you didn’t know that when a screenwriting pair is credited with an ampersand, that means they’re a team. When it’s an and, it means these are – I had

Laci (00:12:43):

No idea.

Matt (00:12:44):

Different people who probably wrote totally different independent drafts.

Laci (00:12:49):

Why would a project choose to do this? Is it like it’s not a choice? I mean, why would anyone want three cooks in the kitchen like this? Or do they all end up on screen this way because they ended up pulling from each?

Matt (00:13:02):

Yeah. And usually it goes through arbitration through the Writer’s Guild where you look at the final product. Why? Because you can say. There’s tons of times where a writer turns in a draft, they’re like, “We like this.” And then as it develops, they’re like, “Eh, we only like this part of it.” Oh,

Laci (00:13:18):

That’s cool. So the union actually helps them get the credit if they see through line. This story would not have been developed this way without your contribution, even if it wasn’t.

Matt (00:13:28):

And this is not something I’m an expert on at all, but I know that the rules are sort of arcane and there are people who are like, “This makes no sense. They care a lot about if you contribute this certain thing to the movie, but you can work so much more on other things that don’t give you…” So there are tons of instances where people who actually write the movies don’t get screen credit and people who contribute very, very little to the finished product do get screen credit. It all gets arbitrated and that’s how you end up with the names you end up with on screen.

Laci (00:13:57):

So even though it’s union, it’s currently more about protecting the old guard or the people you already know.

Matt (00:14:03):

I don’t. You

Laci (00:14:04):

Don’t know. We need an expert. Can we get one?

Matt (00:14:07):

Akiva Goldman seems like he’s the final writer of the film and he is writing the new movie. He’s a major power player in Hollywood still to this day. I don’t know that

Laci (00:14:19):

Name. So why would Robin be listed first, probably a contractual thing, this Robin’s swimmer?

Matt (00:14:26):

Right, and maybe it’s chronological.

Laci (00:14:28):

Oh, okay. But interesting one woman of. I mean, it’s literally a story of women and there’s one woman

Matt (00:14:35):

In

Laci (00:14:36):

The mix besides the

Matt (00:14:37):

Author.

Laci (00:14:38):

And

Matt (00:14:38):

It was directed by a man, and we’ll get to him in a minute. He

Laci (00:14:41):

Better be gay. Or

Matt (00:14:42):

At least a

Laci (00:14:42):

Witch.

Matt (00:14:44):

Not gay, but I think he is now. And he also said, “And I don’t care about witches or potions or anything.” There’s been a bunch of attempts to turn this world of practical magic into TV series. There was just a traditional sitcom pilot on ABC that didn’t go through in the aughts. There was an HBO Max series in 2019. That’s

Laci (00:15:04):

Prime witch time, right? Gilmore Girls and not. Sory, that’s not the word we’re in, but

Matt (00:15:09):

Buffy,

Laci (00:15:09):

Charmed.

Matt (00:15:10):

Yeah, yeah. But none of it’s gone anywhere. There is Alice Hoffman’s attached to write a Broadway adaptation. Now that makes a lot of sense to me. And in fact, on stage, all these weird tonal shifts make all the sense in the world. And since every Broadway show is now just an adaptation of a movie that people like.

Laci (00:15:28):

Okay. But it loses a huge key factor of why this movie is so beloved if you take it on the stage. The house. The house is a character all in itself. The garden, the house, the town, the way every single room feels, that kitchen, that herb room, the outside where they eat their breakfast, the rose garden. I mean, it’s a whole way of styling your house. It’s literally called Practical Magic Core.

Matt (00:15:55):

Production design, excellent. Wonderful set decoration. I know where I am. Yeah, that’s a giant enormous challenge is recreate or use the stage to your advantage to make a version of that set. Sure.

Laci (00:16:10):

But somehow pull out. Even her store is important. Even the school, even the road in the town isn’t. I feel like if you try to make this into a stage play, you’re missing a fifth of what makes this movie correct.

Matt (00:16:27):

All right. And I know you’re going to disagree with this, but they say it’s a New England town and it so clearly looks like a Pacific Northwest town, and that’s where it was filmed. It just feels wrong. Yeah, I know it’s a fantasy. She’s got this, I sell body oil store. She’s got four employees and there’s never a single customer in there except one guy – But they’re stocking. Who’s coming to return. Oh yeah, they’re always stocking. Yes. Stocking, stocking. Yes. This is a more successful business than Diane Keaton’s baby food.

Laci (00:16:56):

To be fair, it is an island. She has a captive audience. They’re going to run to Walmart for some shaving cream? I think not.

Matt (00:17:05):

It was just the ’90s. You just opened a little store where I sell individual matches. Did you

Laci (00:17:10):

Even catch what the name of the store is? I’ve watched it so many times and I don’t know.

Matt (00:17:13):

No, I don’t know. I don’t know. Sandra Bullock. This is the same year as Meg Ryan’s bookstore. Sandra Bullock. Same year as Meg Ryan’s little bookstore in You’ve Got Mail. Fox Books. Everybody can open a little boutique and be a success. And

Laci (00:17:29):

Doing their little, what makes them little weirdos. I’ll read your mail. And oh, leaves and herbs, and I’m picking one from every single thing that I own here, and then I release it into the sky and it’s all white petals. So I

Matt (00:17:41):

Don’t remember You’ve got Mail. That’s a movie about a woman who opens people’s mail and reads it. Okay. She falls in love with Tom Hanks because she likes the letters he writes to other people.

Laci (00:17:51):

Emails. Shut up.

Matt (00:17:52):

Oh, because you’ve got. Yes, Liz.

Laci (00:17:56):

I don’t know if you’re being an asshole.

Matt (00:17:58):

I wouldn’t say I’m being an asshole. Wait, are

Laci (00:18:00):

You joking? Did you not know it was an email? I

Matt (00:18:02):

Knew the premise of You’ve Got Mail. All

Laci (00:18:04):

Right. Well, then I’d say that’s asshole behavior.

Matt (00:18:06):

Alice Hoffman has, I think, the best attitude an author can have about adaptations of their works. She said to Vanity Fair, “I don’t have the feeling of I want to control it and I want to keep it in the palm of my hand. It may not be the exact words you wrote or the exact scene you wrote, but I have felt so far that the heart of the matter is still there, and that’s what I’m more interested in.” So it’s frustrating how little there is available about how this movie was developed. There’s tons of retrospectives where they talk to the director and people. This is what I remember about the movie. But as to how this came about, don’t know. Alice Hoffman wrote a novel, some people wrote adaptations. Don’t know if Griffin Dunne was the first choice to direct, but that’s who it ends up getting directed by.

Matt (00:18:47):

Griffin Dunne was an actor. Yes, Laci.

Laci (00:18:50):

When was Hocus Pocus in relation to this?

Matt (00:18:52):

93. So

Laci (00:18:53):

Five years before this.

Matt (00:18:55):

Witches

Laci (00:18:55):

Were still in the air. Oh,

Matt (00:18:57):

And you got. Well, you got The Witches.

Laci (00:19:00):

They’re flying. They’re

Matt (00:19:01):

Flying. You can’t stop these witches from blowing. The craft. You have the Witches of East Wick. The Craft.

Laci (00:19:07):

Hocus

Matt (00:19:08):

Pocus. It goes on and on and on. The Witches of Eastwick came on the Blu-ray that I got Practical Magic on. Yeah, it seems like there were always these witch movies that never did very well at the box office and then became beloved on home video. Because

Laci (00:19:21):

It’s not a date movie, right? So it’s in this weird note. It’s like women go and see it. It’s just not going to be a big, “Oh, I

Speaker 3 (00:19:28):

Got to go see the latest witch movie.”

Laci (00:19:31):

Because witches, they’re independent. They do not need a man. Not only do they give birth, they can also do magic. They’re the most terrifying thing to a man. That’s why people are labeled witches.

Matt (00:19:42):

Also, in a movie like The Craft, which is aimed squarely at teenagers, that’s especially a movie where a teenage boy is not. Except for

Laci (00:19:49):

Their hot, but yeah.

Matt (00:19:50):

At 13, I would’ve definitely gone to see the craft, but I think you need to hit John Q. Driveway, American teen boy. And yeah, the whole logic of the movie industry is boys can bring girls to see anything, but girls can’t bring boys to see anything. That’s why the movie’s always, till this day, targeted at a 13-year-old boy and why we don’t get any movies other than Transformers and Marvels. Now, Griffin Dunne, mainly an actor in the ’70s and ’80s, star of an American Werewolf in London, Martin Scorsese’s After Hours. Laci might remember him as the teacher that Anna Klumsky has a crush on in My Girl. Of course. And then he transitioned into directing. Directed his first feature in 1997, Addicted to Love, starring Matthew Broderick and Meg Ryan. You had to have seen this movie.

Laci (00:20:40):

I’m sure I did, but it did not last in my brain.

Matt (00:20:44):

Okay. Practical Magic was his follow-up. He seemed to have a bit of a reputation for being good at directing women. All right. In a 2023 interview with Vanity Fair, the interviewer says. People are often surprised when they learn a man directed. What’s this movie called? Is this Hocus Pocus? Practical Magic. And Griffin Dunne says, “Well, yeah, it’s ironic.” Because if they were going to make the film now, they would never consider a man to direct it. But at the time, I directed Meg Ryan in a romantic comedy called Addicted to Love for the same studio. They were very, very pleased with it. I have a certain gift for directing women in roles. I never thought of it as a gender-specific trait, but I was considered a women’s director, particularly for romantic comedies like George Kukor, if I may exaggerate. So they offered me this movie.

Matt (00:21:31):

I knew Sandy was involved, who I loved. We’d talked about working together before. I loved the idea of Nicole, even though she hadn’t signed on yet. So just from there, I learned, oh, okay, Sandra Bullock signed on first and they were circling Nicole Kidman. And Laci, I mean, they present this movie as a two-hander, Nicole and Sandra, but it’s like 80% the Sandra Bullock show, and Nicole Kidman really just fades into the background. Fine.

Laci (00:21:56):

But her parts are so memorable and she’s just so much. In this movie specifically, I mean, can you imagine that kind of person just being in your town? She would make a scene. That hot shit wearing those weird glasses, she’s too cool. So

Matt (00:22:14):

She can’t be in more of the movie because she’s too cool for it, too much. It’s

Laci (00:22:17):

Too much of a pull. I mean, I think they’re both charm bombs. It’s hard to focus when they’re. I love when they’re both in there, and I don’t know that I buy their closeness. I don’t know what they are in real life. Either are they friends? Does anyone ever close to Nicole Kidman? I don’t have a good read on her personally.

Matt (00:22:37):

Well, so are you saying – That

Laci (00:22:38):

Helps me. In

Matt (00:22:39):

The performances, you don’t buy the bond between them?

Laci (00:22:43):

I do, and it’s both. I think they like a little of each other. I don’t know that they should be living together. They love each other intensely. I buy that. So

Matt (00:22:54):

You feel the love.

Laci (00:22:55):

Yes,

Matt (00:22:56):

But I don’t

Laci (00:22:57):

Know that I feel the roommate working coworker situation. Well,

Matt (00:23:00):

Certainly at the end of the movie when they’re like, “All the women are going to live here forever and be happy,” I think. No, you’re not. No, you’re not.

Laci (00:23:06):

None

Matt (00:23:06):

Of you are going to be happy.

Laci (00:23:07):

She’s a wonderluster.

Matt (00:23:09):

Yeah. She’s

Laci (00:23:10):

Going to go. And

Matt (00:23:11):

Sandra Bullock doesn’t want to be there either with those two old hags in her business. She

Laci (00:23:16):

Doesn’t love them as much as I’d like her to.

Matt (00:23:19):

In a 2017 interview with Voltra, Griffin Dunne said, “I had a witch consultant on the movie. While I was developing it, I was never quite sure I had a real handle on the movie because quite honestly, witches had no great interest in me, but I love the book and I like the setting. And when I was working with this witch consultant, it occurred to me that I was making a movie about something I do know a lot about, strong women. I grew up in a house with a strong mother and my grandmother. These were formidable women, and my sister was no slouch. So I had three generations of formidable women. And when I got that into my head, I realized. You can say it either way. How dare you? You could

Laci (00:23:55):

Say it the right way. Formidable.

Matt (00:23:59):

Who do you think you are? These were formidable women, and my sister was no slouch. So I had three generations of formidable women. And when I got that into my head, I realized it’s not really about spells and spell books and all that. It’s about a legacy being passed from one generation to another. That helped me understand it. And that understanding came out of these conversations I had with this witch consultant. So now I’m going to read the story of the witch consultant. “I thought she was a really intelligent person, and I invited her to come to Los Angeles to observe the rehearsals with Sandy and Nicole. I had my producer make her a reservation at a nice hotel and call her, and the witch goes, You’re not going to buy me off with a hotel room. I want a percentage of the movie. I’m going to have my own practical magic cookbook.

Matt (00:24:42):

“She was paid quite well, and she says,” I want an additional $250,000. “The producer told her that’s just not possible. And she goes crazy and scares the shit out of the producer. She says,” I’m going to put a curse on you. I’m putting a curse on this movie, and I’m putting a curse on Griffin. “So the producer comes back to my rehearsal, white as a ghost, and she tells me,” That call did not go well. She’s really, really angry. “I had no idea what happened. So I get back to my office on the Warner Brothers lot, and I listen to my voicemail.

Laci (00:25:13):

Hoiling, boiling, toil in trouble. Drops

Matt (00:25:16):

Voice to a growl. “How dare you sick that true on me? You think you can buy me off? Let me tell you something. There’s a land of curses.” And then she slips into tongues. It was terrifying. “I listened to as much as I could, and then I hung up. Within minutes, Warner’s had been served with papers. She’s suing Warner Brothers. Yeah. So I gave the legal department the tape, and they can’t listen to it all the way through either. They’re so freaked out. They’re so freaked out by it. They just pay the witch off. I don’t know how much, but enough to make her go away. I got a great thing out of this. It inspired one of Aiden Quinn’s lines. Curses only have power when you believe in them. I decided I’m just not going to believe in this.”

Laci (00:25:55):

Fantastic. Good on you. Now

Matt (00:25:58):

That story gets reprinted a lot and it’s like, “Do you know witches curse? Curse Practical Magic at the box office?” He clashed with the studio though, and I mean, you can tell this is a movie that both seems like it’s been futzed with in post, maybe a lot of focus groups. ADR. This

Laci (00:26:15):

Is the first time I noticed a lot of ADR. Oh,

Matt (00:26:17):

Really? Okay. Yeah. Or a lot of focus groups, a lot of like, “Do we want this to be a comedy? Do we want this to be a rom-com? Do we want this to be whore? Do we want this to be kids for kids? Do we want this to be for adults?” Answer,

Laci (00:26:28):

“Yes.”

Matt (00:26:32):

There is a director’s cut that apparently is lost, and Griffin Dunne said – The curse. Right. “The scene of them putting needles in Jimmy Angelov, it was a terrifying scene. I was very, very pleased with it, but they felt it was just too intense. I had a beautiful sequence for the end of the movie of them jumping off the roof. They said, Why would they jump off the roof? So we had to cut it down, but I had a real choreographed music floating around. I thoght quite lovely ending that I think would play better now. That domestic violence was much more intense too. That was something I also really wanted to portray, the horror of domestic violence, of a woman who’s in an abusive relationship who’s saved by her sister. That was an important aspect to me in the script. It’s there, but it was a bit more intense in my cut.” And the screenwriter, Kiva Goldsman, said that the director’s cut is great.

Matt (00:27:19):

He said, “There’s a cut of practical magic before re-shoots that Griffin put together that is stunningly beautiful. It was more fifty fifty between Sandy and Nicole, and this hanging of Nicole was the counterpoint to this emergence of Sandy. It was more of a ghost story. It was really beautiful. It was weird.

Laci (00:27:34):

But it got

Matt (00:27:35):

Caught up in the sort of marketing thing at Warner Brothers as it moved forward in a way that I think didn’t serve it ultimately.”

Laci (00:27:42):

Wow. Hanging. She dies and then she’s haunted by her sister? I

Matt (00:27:46):

Guess he’s referring to something else he said in the same interview.

Laci (00:27:49):

Well, that must have been

Matt (00:27:50):

The difference

Laci (00:27:51):

Is that she dies and then she’s the others.

Matt (00:27:56):

If you want to know more, we do retrospectives of both of those actors says in episode 132 about the others and in episode 140 about While You Were Sleeping. So we do big in-depth career profiles of Bullock and Kidman. But I think it’s interesting, 1998, they’re kind of at similar positions in their career where they’re stars. They’re very well known, but they’re not necessarily box office powerhouses. And Sandra Bullock, especially in the 2000s, would become maybe the number one woman movie star. I think probably starting with Miss Congeniality. I mean, in terms of being a box office draw, it never really happened for Nicole Kidman. It’s not like her name alone was enough to get people to go see it, but she was always turning in critically acclaimed performances. She never

Laci (00:28:43):

Did any slop. She didn’t do movies that you just throw away. It was always artsy or drama or. I feel like I can only think of her in drama and art and in this.

Matt (00:28:56):

I

Laci (00:28:56):

Can’t think of her as a rom-com person.

Matt (00:28:58):

Yeah. When she tries to do rom-com, like Bewitched, directed by Nora Efron is so weird. And then

Laci (00:29:04):

Stepford Wives, right? Is that her? That’s her.

Matt (00:29:07):

I’ve never seen it.

Laci (00:29:08):

But it works a little bit better there because it is a weird movie. I mean, it’s got a horror aspect to it, but she just can’t play. She is an alien. She doesn’t look like an average person. She’s a giant Australian. She needs to be a goddess. There’s

Matt (00:29:23):

Something alien about her. Now I know, fuck, this was filmed either right before or right after Eyes Wide Shut. It makes sense to me if it was filmed after, even though it came out before. Her performance feels a lot like her Eyes Wide Shut performance, which is also bizarre. Sexual. It’s, “I am not witch.” And it’s like maybe she just got stuck in the Stanley Kubrick Eyes Wide Shut, Do Every Take 160 Times. And she has to match how weird Tom Cruise is in that movie where he always has to repeat Every single thing that people say to him like a big child. So I don’t know. I’m going to look out for that when I re-watch the movie tonight.

Laci (00:30:08):

Look out for what?

Matt (00:30:12):

Exactly.

Laci (00:30:13):

Okay.

Matt (00:30:17):

The movie was a box office disappointment and the critics did not care for it. And annoyingly, the critics had the same complaints I had. I don’t like when that happens. I would be like, no, they don’t get it, but I get it. But yeah, they’re like, this is too jarring. It jumps from tone to tone to tone. Griffin – Who’s the

Laci (00:30:36):

Production company?

Matt (00:30:37):

The production company? Well,

Laci (00:30:38):

Who?

Matt (00:30:39):

The

Laci (00:30:39):

Studio.

Matt (00:30:39):

The studio was Warner Brothers.

Laci (00:30:41):

Well, I hope they learn their lesson.

Matt (00:30:44):

And this was produced by Tim Burton’s producer. Now, I don’t know how creatively involved with Burton’s movie she is, but there are moments where it feels like this is trying to be a Tim Burton movie or Tim Burton is the kind of guy who could have a handle on this material. I know it’d be a very different movie, but it seems to be trying to be a Tim Burton movie at points. Where? All kinds of points. I mean, it seems like it’s trying to go for a Beetlejuice thing of to be a really silly horror comedy with heart. It’s got heart at the end of the day. Plus the lime and the coconut, that’s straight out of Beetlejuice.

Laci (00:31:22):

It’s fantastic. It’s one of the best movies in cinema.

Matt (00:31:25):

Now you got so mad at Christopher Nolan in Batman Begins for doing an Asian man at the top of a mountain because Batman Begins came out right after Kill Bill. And you said he ripped off Quentin Tarantino. He ripped him off.

Laci (00:31:40):

Or just that there needs to be more places for an Asian man to live.

Matt (00:31:44):

Than Top of the Hill.

Laci (00:31:45):

Stop putting

Matt (00:31:45):

Them up there. Asia’s a big place. It’s not all a hill.

Laci (00:31:48):

Or let him live somewhere else.

Matt (00:31:50):

But Quentin Tarantino had done Reservoir Dogs, which has the Lime and the Coconut. Now more time had passed, five years, so maybe you’re forgiving it here in Practical Magic for doing Lime and the Coconut.

Laci (00:32:02):

Absolutely.

Matt (00:32:03):

Because –

Laci (00:32:03):

It’s a whole other feeling. And it goes with the joke they’re doing. All they’re doing is making a margarita, but because they’re witches, you think of them as constantly casting spells, which is how the city and the town and everyone who knows they’re a witch sees them, right? They’re just innocent most of the time. They’re just women and they’re putting together a margarita and then you’re like, “Oh, who are they about to fuck over?” It’s like, oh, they’re just making a drink. There’s a point to that.

Matt (00:32:28):

They couldn’t nail the scene, so Sandra and Nicole went ahead and got drunk and that’s how they filmed the scene.

Speaker 3 (00:32:33):

Oh, fuck.

Matt (00:32:36):

Yeah. When we talk about the movie, we can talk about this some more. It’s my least favorite trait about myself is my intolerance for silliness in my life.

Laci (00:32:48):

Thank God.

Matt (00:32:51):

What do you mean by that? That

Laci (00:32:51):

You don’t like that about yourself.

Matt (00:32:54):

Okay.

Laci (00:32:55):

Keep the self-hate going in that direction because then it allows you to allow me and, well, me and me to have silly moments and you judge me, but you’re judging yourself at the same time. And I think that’s

Matt (00:33:10):

Nice. Yeah. But it’s not like the self-hatred, like when you and Max are being silly and I’m like, “Can’t they cut it out and be serious?” It’s not like that stops me from being annoyed and being like, “Cut it out, everybody. Let’s be quiet and be serious now.” Anyway, when people are being really silly in a movie like in this, when they’re doing the weird silly dances around the kitchen island, it plays for me as false, even though I know people would really do something like this. And that’s because I’m a very serious man.

Laci (00:33:42):

You don’t dance.

Matt (00:33:44):

I don’t dance.

Laci (00:33:46):

You do not trust other people to go all in on something unless you’re at a concert where you just assume, okay, everyone took the time to come to see this one band. We’re all going to go insane for these songs. I’m not a weirdo if I do it. But in a smaller crowd, you just don’t trust. You don’t let loose.

Matt (00:34:04):

As we always say when we talk about witch movies, that’s the appeal of being in a coven.

Laci (00:34:09):

Yep.

Matt (00:34:10):

Is it’s a small group of friends and we’re all equally invested in the dumb game we’re playing. No

Laci (00:34:14):

One’s going to make fun of anybody

Matt (00:34:16):

For doing

Laci (00:34:17):

A lot of pointing around the counter.

Matt (00:34:19):

Yes. Hell to the God, the watch Towers of the West die invoke they. And no one’s going to make fun of you for how you hold your weird hands, for invoking spirits.

Laci (00:34:30):

I am, but

Matt (00:34:30):

They can’t hear me. No memories of The Coven. Griffin Dunne said, “Dealing with several different tones in the same film is not that unusual anymore. When I did an American Werewolf in London, it was the same reaction.” That’s not true. “People were really upset that there were laughs in a horror movie. There’s always laughs. Now you can’t make a horror movie without getting laughs. “I mean, okay, he’s incorrect about that. That’s

Laci (00:34:54):

Not the same as a tone. You can stay in tone and get laughs.

Matt (00:34:58):

And an American Werewolf in London is one of the great horror movie comedies ever. And the tone, it’s not tone shifts. It’s all part of theam thing. Same tone. In this movie, it feels like we’re jumping from movie to movie.

Laci (00:35:10):

Where Beetlejuice has its flaws, but the tone stays the

Matt (00:35:13):

Whole

Laci (00:35:13):

Time.

Matt (00:35:13):

Oh, absolutely. It’s

Laci (00:35:15):

Completely strange and uneasy and yet cozy. Goddamn these houses. Hocus Pocus house, Beetlejuice house, this house. It would be a nightmare to live in these houses, the amount of stairs, but goddammit do I love

Matt (00:35:27):

Them. And you think it is because that’s a big component of what gets you to revisit these things over and over again is wanting to – Especially

Laci (00:35:34):

Someone that lives in an apartment. It’s not just me. There are definitely movies where the house is also a character, the same way as Texas is a character when it’s a Texas movie. You take this out of it and then it’s not the movie. And you can obviously understand why in Beetlejuice, but I think even you understand what I’m saying about this movie and maybe to a lesser extent, Hocus Pocus. But that Max’s bedroom, not Max. Yeah, that’s the brother’s name, right? I always forget the. Danny and Max. Okay.

Matt (00:36:04):

In Hocus Pocus, the main boy. The main boy. Doesn’t have a spiral staircase or something in his bedroom? It’s

Laci (00:36:10):

Just a staircase that goes up to nothing.

Matt (00:36:12):

Yeah, that’s awesome if you’re – Fucking awesome. So one day I want to do it. The forensic analysis of movies that Laci’s picked for us to cover, because when they’re a movie that Laci grew up with is how many of them center on an interesting house, like nothing but trouble.

Laci (00:36:26):

Okay. So a house, because I didn’t have roots, I moved constantly. So I didn’t have a house. I didn’t have secret compartments. I didn’t have a secret place to go in a house. Even when I had a house, I never felt like it was going to be permanent. I could really make it my own and I certainly never got the best bedroom. I also almost never lived on a street where you could ride a bike. I lived in apartment complexes or I didn’t know how to ride a bike yet because I learned at an embarrassingly late age. I just think there is a reason. And I also never had neighborhood friends ever. I would maybe have a next door neighbor friend or one person and I almost always hated them. There was never just a group of friends. I never went to school in district, which I didn’t realize until having my own kids, that’s why if you don’t live in district, you’re just not going to have more than one

Matt (00:37:10):

Friend. Right. If I had grown up with the legend of Billie Jean, that would’ve been my favorite house of all time is when Keith Gordon has the water slide out of his bedroom. It’s

Laci (00:37:20):

Like the trailer park? Because I kind of like the trailer park too.

Matt (00:37:23):

That’s a nice trailer park. I like

Laci (00:37:24):

The communal aspect of it.

Matt (00:37:26):

See that episode that we did on a great movie, Legend of Billie Jean. Okay. So over the years, Practical Magic becomes a cult classic. So in these retrospectives, they ask Griffin Dunne, when did you notice that the tide of the- The

Laci (00:37:43):

Moon had waned.

Matt (00:37:45):

Jupiter had risen waxing. The

Laci (00:37:47):

Circle had gone not to blood.

Matt (00:37:50):

You know what we’re saying. Yeah.

Matt (00:37:52):

He said, “When my daughter was in her late teens, I started to notice that her friends loved the movie and quoted the movie and would freak out when they found out that her father directed the movie. I watched it grow and grow and it’s been very touching and unexpected. I’ve gone out with women who have watched this movie every year with their daughters. It’s a lovely kind of surprise. I was never terribly boastful about it because as I said, it was perceived as a failure and I’d never had something that was perceived as a failure before.” Oh, okay. No.

Laci (00:38:16):

Calm down, done.

Matt (00:38:17):

But we find this all the time with the people who make cult classics, even though they feel validated decades later, they’re like, “Nothing’s ever going to overcome what I felt opening weekend.”

Laci (00:38:27):

Right, like Showgirls too. It’ll always be a trauma for Elizabeth Berkley, even though it is a safe place to rest my head. And for lots of people,

Matt (00:38:34):

Showgirls is

Laci (00:38:35):

So important, but for her, it is a traumatic moment in her past. So just from needing to take care of yourself, they do have this defense and a barrier between them and

Matt (00:38:46):

The movie. Even when it’s not so intense and personal like that, you think of something like Can’t Hardly Wait, which is a beloved teen classic now, but the people who made it are like, no one saw it when it came out. So yeah, I feel good that people love it now, but my association with the movie for me is still disappointment.

Laci (00:39:02):

Right. Because you only get so many bombs before you’re just completely off the radar and your name’s not in the hat anymore. You need to be on a winning streak to keep getting good roles

Matt (00:39:15):

And

Laci (00:39:15):

To keep getting opportunities. And for him to go from Laws of Attraction, is that what it’s called?

Matt (00:39:20):

Addicted to Love. Addicted

Laci (00:39:21):

To Love, same exact fucking thing, and then have a bomb that probably just went to his career because Addicted to Love was not huge. I mean, it might’ve been fine, but –

Matt (00:39:31):

No, this was it. He never did a studio movie again. That

Laci (00:39:34):

Makes

Matt (00:39:34):

Sense. Stockard Channing in a 2020 interview for Vulture, the interviewer tells her I’m talking to now a woman who’s pretty old and being like, “I’m a millennial and I watched this on VCR a lot as a kid. I wore the tape out.” And Stockard Channing said, “Over the years, it’s interesting. I hear that a lot, especially from women, which I don’t really know why that is, but it’s great. It was a very happy time.”

Laci (00:39:58):

Thanks, Stockard.

Matt (00:39:59):

I love when actors are like, “I’ve made 2,000 movies.” And you’re coming up to me tears in your eyes like, “I love this movie.” The woman who plays Mrs. Voorhees in the first Jason movie, she’d go to fan cons and be like, “I don’t know why these people like this movie so much, but good for them, I guess.”

Laci (00:40:20):

You’re the one that decided to come to the con, lady.

Matt (00:40:22):

Well, the track cleared, know what I’m saying.

Laci (00:40:24):

Fine, but either get on board or fucking get off the pot. Don’t

Matt (00:40:28):

Come

Laci (00:40:28):

Here and looky lou.

Matt (00:40:30):

David Sims wrote for The Atlantic in 2008 about the legacy of this movie. “Practical magic was a clear harbinger of a gentrifying moment for onscreen witchcraft coming out the same year as WB’s Charmed and the second season of Buffy the Vampire Slayer in which the protagonist’s friend Willow Rosenberg became a practitioner of Wicca. Dunne’s movie plays even more, strangely in retrospect, squeezing arcane horror, airy laughs and romance scored to hits like Faith Hill’s This Kiss. That was so insane to me when that

Laci (00:40:59):

Happened. This pivotal moment, this perpetual. It’s ah. I love it.

Matt (00:41:08):

Into a 103-minute package. That’s why the film sticks in my mind 20 years later as the kind of expensive mainstream studio experiment that’s too weird to dismiss a work that wove dark themes about gender and power into an ostensible crowd pleasing comedy. So much so that they have a sequel coming out today in movie theaters. Bullock, Kidman, Channing and Wiestt are all back. Griffin Dunne, not back in the director’s chair. In interviews, he said he wasn’t even told about it. The daughters were recast despite Evan Rachel Wood. This a very young Evan Rachel Wood as the older daughter, still today a very successful working actress, said no one got in touch with her or anything. Let’s see. Joey King replaced Evan Rachel Wood as the older daughter and Maisie Williams, Aria Stark is the younger daughter. Now this brought the movie a lot of online attention.

Matt (00:42:03):

People, Evan Wood, Rachel Wood stands coming out. How dare they? But the director of the new movie says, “We’re telling a story where the kids are right out of college. The old actors are too old to play it. It wouldn’t make sense, but Evan Rachel Wood posted to Instagram,” I’m getting asked about this a lot, so I’ll just clear it up now. I was not asked to come back and be in the Practical Magic sequel. I offered my services even if it was one scene or one line. I was told they were recasting. I am sorry to disappoint the fans. It was not in my control or my choice. I would’ve happily rejoined my sisters.

Laci (00:42:33):

Ouch. Who’s producing this?

Matt (00:42:37):

Warner Brothers, same people.

Laci (00:42:38):

I know, but does Sandra Bullock and Nicole Kidman have –

Matt (00:42:41):

They are producers. They’re both producers. Yeah, but – Just want to know

Laci (00:42:46):

Who to be mad at.

Matt (00:42:48):

I think that does make sense to me if you’re. The

Laci (00:42:52):

Problem is Nicole Kidman and Sandra Bullock refuse to age. And they should be Stalker Channing in fucking Diane Wiest’s age right now. That’s who they should be, but they’re not. And they probably are the same age. They are. And that’s what aggravates me is like, no, people like Rachel Wood, they are squeezed out the middle because that doesn’t exist anymore. You’re still too old to play the young people and you haven’t aged enough to be like, “Ah, you’re old, but still looking hot.” There’s still this dead zone for women.

Matt (00:43:17):

But she could be. Evan Rachel Wood is 38. She’s my age. She would be the perfect age to be the Sandra Bullock character from the first movie, but instead it’s like – I know. But

Laci (00:43:26):

Sandra Bullock is only 10 years older in this sequel instead of 20.

Matt (00:43:31):

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, magic. But no, no.

Laci (00:43:34):

No.

Matt (00:43:34):

No, I know. Absolutely. Plastic surgery. Yeah. Every actress talks about you hit 30, an orb glows on your wrist and you’re like, “No more, not allowed to be in movies anymore.” No until you’re 50. Now you get to play grandmothers at age 31.

Laci (00:43:48):

Well,

Matt (00:43:49):

Not

Laci (00:43:49):

Even. You have to prove that you can withstand the test of time doing tiny little bit rolls and all of a sudden have this big, “Oh, remember her? Oh my God, she’s still beautiful. Let her back in.”

Matt (00:44:00):

Yeah.

Laci (00:44:01):

You got to go through some kind of fucking trial.

Matt (00:44:03):

By the way, I hadn’t seen Stockard Channing from this era in a while, and she looked barely. 20 years after Grease, she looked pretty much like – The same. She looked incredible. Yeah. Yeah. I don’t know. It’ll be interesting to see how well this new movie performs. I feel like Legacy sequels to movies that weren’t actually hits originally, but Growing Nicole classics never seemed to do well, but I don’t know. We’ll see what happens.

Laci (00:44:26):

I feel like they took time and put care into this. It doesn’t seem rushed. I still haven’t seen Beetlejuice Juice, Beetlejuice, so I still don’t know. Can this be done well?

Matt (00:44:37):

The Beetlejuice Beetlejuice was enormous. That’s because

Laci (00:44:42):

Of Wednesday. I mean, part of it, because

Matt (00:44:45):

That

Laci (00:44:45):

Show’s huge.

Matt (00:44:46):

Yeah. And there they’re bringing everyone back. They’re bringing Tim Burton and Michael Keaton and Winona. And now that you mention it, that’s exactly why Practical Magic two was green lit, is that movie. It’s Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice. So we’ll see. That is the history segment on Practical Magic, and we’re now going to move on. Well, okay, full disclosure, we’re going to go watch the movie again. We’ll talk to you again tomorrow in a few seconds for you. Practical Magic, I cannot emphasize enough how much I think this score is so ruinous to the movie. Witch is going to be hanged in this terrifying scene.

Laci (00:45:42):

It’s supposed to make it not too scary for the children. I mean, it is a hanging scene. You got to get through it with some levity.

Matt (00:45:50):

Give me a different levity.

Laci (00:45:53):

It’s going for Hocus Pocus levity. I don’t know what to

Matt (00:45:56):

Tell you. This is not going for Hocus Pocus levity. Hocus Pocus is a different thing. Hocus Pocus is explicitly a children’s movie. This is not.

Laci (00:46:03):

Yes, but the studio explicitly tried to get it to be a little bit of everything.

Matt (00:46:09):

Yeah, that’s bad. That’s why it’s bad. I’m

Laci (00:46:10):

Not saying it’s not bad. I’m saying I know why they did it.

Matt (00:46:15):

Look at this Puritan New England town, all these pilgrims standing around watching a witch get hung. Stockard Channing is narrating. She’s like, “More than 200 yaz, women have been blamed for everything.” How do you do a Stockard Channing?

Laci (00:46:28):

Tell me about it. That’s not the right line. I don’t know. I’m Stockard Channing.

Matt (00:46:34):

She’s

Laci (00:46:34):

Just kind of got a cool kind of husk.

Matt (00:46:39):

It is Husk, but it’s – But there’s

Laci (00:46:40):

Also a draw for some reason in this movie. She’s a little bit country. No one else is. It’s a witch thing.

Matt (00:46:48):

To me, it’s Husk meets sort of like aristocratic, like Katherine Hepburn, Mid-Atlantic. Yes. Yeah, yeah. I’m a witch.

Laci (00:46:57):

Okay. They’ve

Matt (00:46:59):

Been blamed for everything that has ever gone wrong in this town. And then Diane Wiests joins in and they’re telling the story of their family to the two little girls. Huh?

Laci (00:47:07):

I’m Diane Wiests.

Matt (00:47:09):

You look like her. Everybody – I’m so

Laci (00:47:10):

Squinty right

Matt (00:47:11):

Now. Look on the YouTube. And

Laci (00:47:12):

I love you to pieces and I’m ever so sweat.

Matt (00:47:17):

Never have I ever seen Laci embody a woman, anyone so much in the face. Wow, I had no idea. Oh, I hadn’t

Laci (00:47:24):

Faced it.

Matt (00:47:26):

I had no idea. So the two little girls will become Nicole Kidman and Sandra Bullock and our Aunt Maria, 200, 400 years ago, whatever, bit of a heartbreaker. Most of her lovers had wives on the hanging committee. Funny line, but that’s not why they hanged her. They hanged her because they feared her. She had a gift, a power that has been passed to you, children. She had been given the gift of magic. And so Maria jumps off the gallows and floats, floats off the gallows to safety, then banished to this island with her unborn child growing in her belly, waiting for her lover to return to her, but he never did.

Laci (00:48:05):

Don’t know who the lover is.

Matt (00:48:06):

She

Laci (00:48:06):

Fucked a lot of guys.

Matt (00:48:07):

Ton of exposition just dumped right here. She had a lover. She was pregnant. She was waiting on the island as the everett. And she had

Laci (00:48:13):

Heartbreak, so she made a curse to never ever be able to fall in love again. You know what? Irresponsible, Maria.

Matt (00:48:21):

Cast a spell. Any of my descendants, if they ever fall in love with a man, again, very gender essentialist, this movie.

Speaker 3 (00:48:29):

Okay.

Matt (00:48:32):

I don’t want them to ever feel the agony of love.

Laci (00:48:35):

They’re incapable of feeling love for this spell. Are you sure?

Matt (00:48:40):

What is this spell? It’s you’re going to feel love and then it’s going to destroy you.

Laci (00:48:48):

Wait, that doesn’t make sense. Is that literally what it says? I mean, I know the movie so well that I just know that all the husbands die, but they feel the love first.

Matt (00:48:58):

Yeah. She proclaimed to the heavens, “I will never feel the agony of love, but as her bitterness grew, it turned into a curse on any man who would dare love an Owen’s woman.”

Laci (00:49:10):

Okay. Okay. Got it. Great. Thank you. Now it makes sense.

Matt (00:49:14):

You know what’s none of our business is of our descendants and their love lives.

Laci (00:49:19):

Yeah. She needs to medal knot.

Matt (00:49:21):

Medal

Laci (00:49:21):

With the knot.

Matt (00:49:22):

Oh, my great-great-great-great-great-grandchildren. I don’t give a fuck what they’re up to.

Laci (00:49:26):

I hardly care about the thing in my stomach until I see it.

Matt (00:49:31):

That’s my

Laci (00:49:32):

Kidneys.

Matt (00:49:33):

What do you always say?

Laci (00:49:34):

It’s none of our business.

Matt (00:49:35):

None of our business.

Laci (00:49:36):

What you guys do with the rest of it?

Matt (00:49:39):

So we see Nicole Kidman and Sandra Bullock as kids, their characters as kids. We get Gilly and Sally. Jillian or Gillian? Which one are we? Gillian. Gillian. And they’re on the beach with their parents because their mom, even though she knew that the Owens women have a curse where their husbands will die.

Laci (00:49:58):

She’s more of a Sandra. She was choosing to believe that. Or not Sandra, she’s more of a Nicole. I don’t know. She was one of the ones who tried to have a different life away from witchcraft.

Matt (00:50:09):

I guess. Yeah. Not

Laci (00:50:11):

Believing. Each generation is going to do that pendulum swing, right? The ones that are really into it, now we’re really out of it. Now we’re really into it. Now we’re really out. So they were just not into it.

Matt (00:50:22):

There’s two kinds of ways to be. Well, I guess three. You can be into magic. You can be a heathen, pleasure-seeking, open the lament configuration character like Nicole Kidman’s character.

Laci (00:50:32):

But also being careful to not fall in love. She’s hopping from man to man.

Matt (00:50:35):

Right. Or you can be Sandra Bullock who just wants a normal life. And the way they embody normality in this movie is you’re just with your family and you frolic like you’re in a medicine commercial. So they’re just on the beach and they’re all laughing together at nothing.

Laci (00:50:49):

But then none of them have Crohn’s disease. That’s great. They all have been cured.

Matt (00:50:53):

Right. And none of those people you see in the medicine commercial know that either. There’s just voiceover saying, “If you have Crohn’s disease, don’t do this with your family.” Have

Laci (00:50:59):

You noticed this? They don’t even bother telling you in the newest ads for medicine. They just tell you the medicine’s name. They don’t even bother telling you what it fixes. They just say, “Ask your doctor about it.” What the fuck? I

Matt (00:51:12):

Don’t know. That’s pretty good. It’s insisting like, “Hey, you’re going to want this so badly. I don’t even need to tell you.” This has

Laci (00:51:18):

Got a ring around someone’s stomach and it’s like general area?

Matt (00:51:22):

Gabo, gabbo, gabbo.

Laci (00:51:23):

General area. Ask your doctor. Am I in pain? Am I gaining weight? What are you fucking telling? Yeah.

Matt (00:51:29):

So I like this device with the beetle. You can hear the beetle, the ticking of the beetle.

Laci (00:51:34):

Reminds you of the leftovers with the cricket.

Matt (00:51:36):

Yeah.

Laci (00:51:37):

Floorboards, all

Matt (00:51:37):

That. I can hear the beetle, but I deny, oh no, the beetle’s not coming from my husband, but he did. And then their mom died of a broken heart, so these girls go to live with their aunts.

Laci (00:51:45):

This is the first time I realized that broken heart is code for suicide. The kid clocked that because why else be mad at your mom when Nicole Kidman asked Sandra? Sandy, have you ever stopped being mad at mom or whatever? For dying of a broken heart. Getting mad for doing the old wear the red fern grows, right? That’s not the dog’s fault. He died of a broken heart.

Matt (00:52:08):

I believe it’s she. I believe little Anne is the one that died of a broken heart. It’s old Dan who gets eaten by the recougar. But yeah, you get the just B minus for your work, Laci.

Laci (00:52:19):

Thank you.

Matt (00:52:19):

Dies of a broken heart. Girls go live with their aunts, Stocker Channing and Diane Weist, who have chocolate cake for breakfast, and they don’t do things like bedtime or teeth brushing.

Laci (00:52:27):

Our homework, I think.

Matt (00:52:29):

None of that. And in this town –

Laci (00:52:32):

Insane.

Matt (00:52:34):

In this town, all the locals know they’re a witch. So remind them, witch, witch, yara witch, you’re a witch, yara witch. And they throw rocks at them as this Ritchie Rich score. Rocks hurl past their head. Listen, I know this is annoying, but it’s like, okay, do these girls know their witches? Did their mom practice witchcraft? What role does witchery play in any of this?

Laci (00:52:59):

How I take it is that the aunts introduce it to them. They’re the ones telling them the story. Why tell them the story right then and there if their mom already told them the story?

Matt (00:53:07):

Well, she doesn’t have to tell them the story to be a practicing witch, but then this is when they are taught how to do magic. I think

Laci (00:53:17):

This is when they’re taught of their history of the curse. They’re trying to explain, “Hey, here’s why your dad died.”

Matt (00:53:24):

So Gillian is the younger one.

Laci (00:53:26):

Like Jillian, like Jellybean. Jillibean.

Matt (00:53:28):

There we go. Jillibean. Gillian, Jillian. Just

Laci (00:53:32):

It again.

Matt (00:53:32):

It’s because the Gone Girl episode, Gillian Flynn, Jillian, and then Killian Murphy, who I always called Sillian Murphy, and then someone in the comments was mean to me about it. So it’s just Jillian will become Nicole Kidman. She is the younger one blessed with the gift of magic. Sally, the older one, hasn’t shown her magic abilities yet.

Laci (00:53:50):

No, opposite. Right? Isn’t it the opposite? Yeah. Nicole Kidman, we don’t know if she’s magic. The one who is advanced is Sandra Bullock’s character.

Matt (00:54:00):

Oh, is that it? Oh, at a certain point in the notes, I realized. Oh, I’ve got their names backwards.

Laci (00:54:04):

Okay.

Matt (00:54:05):

Okay. So whatever. We don’t

Laci (00:54:06):

Worry about you, Jilly Bean.

Matt (00:54:07):

Yeah. One of them’s good. One of them’s bad. No,

Laci (00:54:10):

She’s bad.

Matt (00:54:11):

They’re just different. No, no, she’s bad. Okay. So then this woman comes over and begs the ants to make a man fall in love with her. But

Laci (00:54:17):

It answers the question. How are these ants making money?

Matt (00:54:19):

How are they making money is love potions. I need him to leave his wife and like the movie Obsession, I wish for him to love me so much it makes him sick

Laci (00:54:32):

Or whatever. And the craft. Skeet Ulrich’s character is also driven insane by how much he loves.

Matt (00:54:39):

Yeah. So the only – Don’t

Laci (00:54:40):

Do a love spell, guys. Don’t do it.

Matt (00:54:42):

Yeah. I mean, this is kind of like a Wishmaster movie of like, all right, you got to be fucking careful with what you say with these wishes. And I just watched Big the other night where he’s like, “I wish I was big.” And then at the end of the movie, he finally finds the Zoltar machine again and he’s like, “I wish I was a kid again.” It’s like, “Buddy, you got to be a little careful there.”

Laci (00:55:01):

You could have grown seven feet being just the tallest, weirdest looking kid.

Matt (00:55:05):

Or you might have exploded into a baby. Yeah.

Laci (00:55:10):

Exploded into a baby.

Matt (00:55:12):

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then Diane Wiese is like, “Be careful what you wish for,” because that’s kind of what the movie’s about, but not really.

Laci (00:55:20):

But they don’t seem to follow. It would be tricky having these powers, watching a loved one go through something really hard, like us moving. If I could do a spell, I would’ve definitely cast a spell on Sully to make sure he was cool with the move, but then I would’ve never found out that he was cool with the move. And I would always wonder, “Is it because of the spell?” It’s got to be hard to know when to use it and when not to, and when someone dies, that seems like the right time to do it.

Matt (00:55:46):

Which is why I have some questions about the end of the movie. And I noticed Aiden Quinn is not in the sequel. Is he dead? Did he sex slave himself to death?

Laci (00:55:56):

No, I think he dies. I mean, I think the curse

Matt (00:55:59):

Happens. In between movies?

Laci (00:56:00):

Yeah.

Matt (00:56:01):

Okay. I

Laci (00:56:01):

Don’t think they last very

Matt (00:56:03):

Long. Sally is watching this, and Sally is Sandra Bullock. Sally’s Sandra. Okay. And she sees this scene and she’s like, “Fuck, I hope I never fall in love.” But Jillie is the Nicole Kidman character. She’s like, “I’m a hopeless romantic. I can’t wait to fall in love.” She

Laci (00:56:19):

Really thinks with her dick.

Matt (00:56:20):

And so Sally conjures a complicated spell where she’s like, “Here’s how I’m going to avoid love. I will name all the traits of the perfect man. He has one green eye, one blue eye.”

Laci (00:56:32):

And so on she lists all the things. Can ride a pony backwards.

Matt (00:56:35):

Slip

Laci (00:56:35):

Pancakes. “His favorite shape is a star, can whistle my favorite song, and can hear me calling from miles away.

Matt (00:56:43):

“And because this man couldn’t possibly exist, it means I’ll never fall in love with anyone. And if he doesn’t exist, I’ll never die of a broken heart.

Laci (00:56:51):

Correct. Very selfish.

Matt (00:56:53):

And so they complete this spell by sending pedals up into the air. This is a pedal heavy movie. Whenever pedals go in the air, it’s significant.

Laci (00:57:04):

Well, just like in Lion King.

Matt (00:57:08):

Zimba. And so the two children morph into adults and Nicole Kidman’s like,” I’m about to go run away on a six month fuck fiesta. See you later.

Laci (00:57:20):

“More like several years. She’s gone for a

Matt (00:57:23):

Year. She doesn’t know how long it’s going to be. Yeah.

Laci (00:57:25):

But she wants to leave this town. I bet you would. It’s a fucking island. A tiny island where everyone thinks you guys are fucking assholes. That anyone would want to stay is insane.

Matt (00:57:37):

It’s the two type of people. You can be a person who leaves, you can be a person who stays. You can be a Kermit. You can be a Fozzie.

Laci (00:57:42):

I reckon, but it is kind of odd. I mean, they keep in touch constantly through writing. That’s cool. But your sister has two children and you don’t come to see

Matt (00:57:50):

Them? No, don’t care. And in fact, you come visit for one night and then return, which question about that too. She had to

Laci (00:57:56):

Because I will explain it.

Matt (00:57:58):

Okay, good. She’s like, “Listen, I may be going to Orlando, the sexiest city in America, but don’t worry. We’ll grow old together in this house. I promise. Here, let’s do some bloodletting. Let’s do some blood magic, smoosh our blood together, and then this means it will be. It will be so.”

Laci (00:58:15):

I’ve done a smushing.

Matt (00:58:16):

You have?

Laci (00:58:17):

Yeah. As a kid, a thumb smushing, a blood smoosh.

Matt (00:58:20):

What? With whom?

Laci (00:58:22):

Like a best friend. Christina. You don’t know her? You don’t know any of my best friends. It was when I was 12. It’s not best friends. You got to be young and. It was when I was 12. I lived in Bush for fucking nine months. What do you want from me? I didn’t try. So are you telling, oh, Matt doesn’t want my best friends? It was my best friend at the time, otherwise you wouldn’t do the smoosh.

Matt (00:58:42):

What did you promise?

Laci (00:58:44):

No, it was just like we mushed blood. We’re best friends forever now. No promise. You just watch witch movies and then you smoosh.

Matt (00:58:53):

And if Pennywise ever comes back to Bush, you have to return. That

Laci (00:58:57):

Was spit, but yeah.

Matt (00:59:00):

So as they’re mixing their blood together, Alan Silvestri again does this. It’s like outtakes from Forrest Gump, it’s outtakes from Richie Rich. And I don’t remember if I said in the history segment that this score was added hastily. They had a score by a different person that they deleted and then added this. So that kind of makes sense if this is like, eh, I have all this stuff saved on cassettes. You want this? This is the scene where Richie Rich discovers his McDonald’s.

Speaker 3 (00:59:29):

Stop.

Matt (00:59:30):

Sandra Bullock and her two aunts are walking around the town, and as they walk through the town, the people are like, “Oh,” and jump away from them. “Oh, witch.

Laci (00:59:37):

“No, I like how different they are. It’s funny because Stucker Channing is just like,” I fucked you the other night. Ha ha, stupid bitch. “And then Diane was just like,” Hello, sweetheart. How are you doing? “The two approaches neither work.

Matt (00:59:51):

Right. But they get a postcard from Nicole Kidman about all the men she’s fucking around the world. Correct. And a horse He’s these bitches and jumps away. And Sandra looks like – She fucked that

Speaker 3 (01:00:03):

Too.

Matt (01:00:04):

God, I want a normal life. And then she locks eyes with this dude who’s pushing his cart of tomatoes or whatever. And I watched this movie twice in two days, and I think this movie is so shoddily edited that it takes a while before you figure out all the mechanics of what’s happening. That okay, it’s the ants who are now manipulating things. Because she says this and then there’s some petals that go in the air and you’re like, okay, she inadvertently just made a wish right there.

Laci (01:00:31):

But she was a child and now she’s an adult. Well,

Matt (01:00:35):

I’m saying in the present tense, petals go up or petals fall off a tree. And so you’re like, oh, is that what just happened? And it’s no, the ants have decided we’re going to make this tomato guy fall in love with her because then this kiss starts playing and she –

Laci (01:00:48):

No, it doesn’t. Well, it does, but nothing happens yet. Then she goes and does some gardening and then this bell happens and she runs across town and it’s amazing.

Matt (01:00:57):

And they kiss a lot. Kiss real hardcore.

Laci (01:01:00):

I love it. I love her outfit. I love the kiss. I love the jump. I love him. I don’t know who he is.

Matt (01:01:05):

And this song being played, but it just completely betrays like.

Laci (01:01:10):

She wants a normal life. Normal people listen to Faith Hill.

Matt (01:01:13):

You can’t have Faith Hill in a witch movie. It doesn’t –

Laci (01:01:16):

There are other just regular songs from the time, like two or three times.

Matt (01:01:20):

There’s a Stevie Nicks song. None of it works for me. It all makes me think I’m watching a more regular movie and I wish I was watching a regular movie.

Laci (01:01:29):

Then go somewhere else. This movie doesn’t want you.

Matt (01:01:33):

Now she has fully embraced her normie life. She’s with her darling husband who it’s not actually true love. Her aunts made her love this guy and made this guy love her, but they’re still – But

Laci (01:01:44):

What’s the difference? I often wrestle with it, but if you’re still feeling love and then you miss him when he’s gone and then they even said, “We never dreamed you’d really fall in love with him.” And then that’s confusing because, well then why’d you do it? And then what was it supposed

Matt (01:01:58):

To do? Why did they do this curse? That’s really one of the big questions I have. Not a curse. It’s

Laci (01:02:02):

A spell.

Matt (01:02:03):

Why did they have to do the spell?

Laci (01:02:05):

Because she was stuck. She just kept saying she wanted normal. She wants this, she wants that, but she wouldn’t do anything about it. They gave her sexual urges.

Matt (01:02:12):

Knowing that this guy would die.

Laci (01:02:14):

I don’t think they knew he would die. I think they were hoping she wouldn’t fall all the way in love with him so he wouldn’t die. I think they were trying to give her a surface level.

Matt (01:02:23):

Okay. Very sweet spot they’re aiming for. Yes. Have good fun with this guy. Don’t you fall in love. Oh fuck, you did it.

Laci (01:02:30):

Well, I mean, again, it’s the curse of having powers at all, right? I mean, we’re just watching moments, but this is years and years of her sulky ass wishing she’d had to fuck every time she gets a letter from her horny sister, “Man, I wish I could fuck.” They’re just trying to get her

Matt (01:02:44):

To fuck. Go, go fuck, come on. They’re just trying to get her to

Laci (01:02:47):

Fuck.

Matt (01:02:47):

No one wants to fuck Sandra Bullock. It’s crazy. But they have this incredible life where now they have a medicine commercial and they’re just all holding hands and doing Ring Around the Rosie in the living room. Not dark magic at all. It’s great. And then she writes to her sister. She’s like, “Dear Jillian, I love my life. I have two darling children and a husband. I just can’t stop kissing.” So chased. She just loves kissing him. I don’t even mind the beard. He goes with the song. Everything is just so blissfully normal and nothing will ever possibly go wrong. Uh-oh.

Laci (01:03:19):

Except for Jimmy Angel.

Matt (01:03:21):

Nicole Kidman writes back and her performance becomes more normal as the movie goes, but in these early scenes, she’s doing the Stanley Kubrick.

Laci (01:03:30):

Right, but I think this is just something that’s missing, but the whole thing feels like he’s possessed. He never seems normal. He can’t even go to sleep. He has to be drugged to go to sleep. So she’s under a spell this whole time and so is he. It’s just missing from the movie, but that’s the vibe.

Matt (01:03:52):

It is totally conceivable that in the director’s cut, they actually reveal he’s Dracula, that he’s a vampire. The movie really seems to be suggesting he’s got magic powers of some sort. And they say he’s from Transylvania. He’s a Dracula ass. But they’re joking, but he actually is a Dracula. But he

Laci (01:04:09):

Never sleeps.

Matt (01:04:10):

Never sleeps

Laci (01:04:11):

Never. Makes sense.

Matt (01:04:13):

Yeah. Dear Sally, I am hanging by pool. I’ve got a million friends. I

Laci (01:04:23):

Cannot

Matt (01:04:24):

Dance

Laci (01:04:24):

To this movie wants to pretend I can.

Matt (01:04:26):

I’m dancing.

Laci (01:04:30):

Ow.

Matt (01:04:31):

And she’s been wooed by this Bulgarian, Jimmy Angelov. She falls under his spell.

Laci (01:04:37):

Jimmy Angel.

Matt (01:04:40):

I think they always say Angelov, but the off kind of drops off at the end. So it’s like they’re saying Jimmy Angel.

Laci (01:04:46):

No, in the beginning she’s just saying in the letter, it’s just Jimmy Angel. And then she tells her the full name, whatever they see each other in person.

Matt (01:04:54):

He blindfolds her and she’s just trembling with desires. Angela.

Laci (01:05:01):

She’s getting 50 shades.

Matt (01:05:03):

He’s going to tickle her and feather

Laci (01:05:05):

Her,

Matt (01:05:06):

Take her to the playroom.

Laci (01:05:08):

I hope you like red.

Matt (01:05:10):

And as they’re doing all of this nonsense, we flip back over to Sandra Bullock, asleep in bed with one of her children and her husband and she hears that damn beetle and she’s like, “Not today, Mr. Beetle. No way. I really like this thing with the beetle. You just ignore the beetle.” Fuck no. That

Laci (01:05:26):

Seems like something you’d do.

Matt (01:05:28):

But yeah, the husband goes to push his apple cart the next day. This dark omen dog follows him. And then Sandra Bullock is back at home looking for the beetle. She turns into Jean Hackman in the conversation, tearing the floorboards off of her house. She’s

Laci (01:05:39):

Make quick work of that.

Matt (01:05:40):

Right, yes. Well, she’s just good at whatever she puts her mind to, making body oils, tearing apart a house. She’s good at it.

Laci (01:05:48):

And then they give you the good old fake out, which totally worked on the kid of. He’s going to die by bike? That’s fucking stupid. He’s trampled to death by bikes. Anyway, so the bikes come and he goes, “Huh, car.”

Matt (01:06:00):

Yeah, car. No, next scene is, “I’m sorry, Mr. Owens. We have terrible news about your blood test and now six month cancer drama. That’s what it should. What a

Laci (01:06:12):

Kid’s movie.

Matt (01:06:12):

So he’s dead and she runs over to her aunt’s house and she’s like,” Aunt, what are their names? What are the aunts’ names? They’re

Laci (01:06:20):

The aunts. I don’t fucking know.

Matt (01:06:22):

Aunt Stockard, Aunt Diane. I don’t

Laci (01:06:24):

Remember.

Matt (01:06:26):

My husband’s dead. What’s up with that? Why is suddenly the curse? They’re wearing

Laci (01:06:30):

Black. They’re just not good at showing the time jump.

Matt (01:06:32):

We’re like, yeah, about that. We had no idea when we cast the spell and she’s like, “You did not put a spell on me.” And they’re like, “Yeah, sorry, we did. We wanted to be happy.” I

Laci (01:06:41):

Think Sandra Bullock’s dramatic scenes are very effective in this movie.

Matt (01:06:45):

I think Sandra Bullock’s great in this movie.

Laci (01:06:46):

Yes, she’s wonderful. I think all of them are. It’s just the movie’s weird. Who’s not good?

Matt (01:06:54):

What’s wrong

Laci (01:06:55):

With Daniel Wiest and Sandra Channing?

Matt (01:06:56):

No, nothing’s wrong with them. Get their names

Laci (01:06:57):

Out your

Matt (01:06:58):

Mouth. Nicole Kidman. I think this period of Nicole Kidman’s career is kind of hit or miss for me. I like her. What I want out of this movie is, and I know I come –

Laci (01:07:08):

She’s the whimsy. So Sandra’s fuddy-duddy. One by themselves is not stomachable. They are annoying and boring. They’re eore and fliffity flu, put them together.

Matt (01:07:24):

If she didn’t have a sister and this were a romantic comedy of I’m trying to cover up from this hot cop that I’m a witch and it turns into a. I think that’s a good rom-com.

Laci (01:07:37):

The whole town says you’re a witch. That’s stupid, man. Next, get that off my desk.

Matt (01:07:45):

So what happens? Well, they’re like, “Well, I could never-“

Laci (01:07:48):

Anyway, so she’s like, “Well, if you did a curse to put him in my life, then do a curse to bring him back. You owe me that. Bring him back from the dead right now.” And I got to say, when they later bring Angel back from the dead, he seems fine.This guy’s super nice and he’s just a little cranky.

Matt (01:08:04):

He’s just not as nice, but yeah. But even then, you bring me back from the dead and you’re like, “Man, I knew that bringing me back from the dead would have consequences. I didn’t know how much of a bummer you’d be.” Now your resurrected husband’s moving out, going to get his own apartment. It’s really sad. Yeah. This movie, did you have a problem when you were a kid? I did. With movies about people dying.

Laci (01:08:32):

What’s the problem? Of course.

Matt (01:08:34):

What’s the problem?

Laci (01:08:35):

I mean, I loved my girl, but I only watched it a couple times.

Matt (01:08:39):

I guess this is a parent dying. So a parent dying in a movie really freaked me out. I know.

Laci (01:08:46):

I only had one parent all the time, so I was a little bit more. It was kid death that bothered me. I mean, I’m sure I didn’t love any of it, but mainly it was people who didn’t get to live their lives fully. So like fried grain tomatoes, steel magnolias, young adult kid death bothered me the most.

Matt (01:09:06):

There’s

Laci (01:09:06):

Always a dead parent in Jizzy movies, so maybe it just kind of grooms you.

Matt (01:09:13):

I remember being really freaked out by the movie Jack Frost with Michael Keaton. I just

Laci (01:09:16):

Remember that movie being bad.

Matt (01:09:19):

Well, it did matter. She was like, “But he’s a parent and he dies and the kid has to learn that it’s…” And it’s different if it’s a cartoon, if it’s a real life movie. I was so terrified of my parents dying. Did

Laci (01:09:28):

You love Ghost Dad?

Matt (01:09:30):

Did I see Ghost Dad? I never saw Ghost Dad.

Laci (01:09:33):

I mean, I went to therapy for it. I was very, very worried my mom would die, but that’s after they got divorced and I knew I’d be fucked if I were just with my dad. So I did not like to be separated from her. I didn’t like her to go on work trips or for her to be away for overnight. So I had to go to therapy, play with the dolls.

Matt (01:09:51):

Sandra Bullock pulls out the big book of the dead. She’s like, “Come on, there’s like a billion spells in here. One of these will bring Michael back.” And they’re like, “No, we won’t do it. He won’t come back right. It would be unnatural.” But yes, I wrote in my notes right here, Laci, Sandra Bullock is so good right here. She’s begging them to do it and they refuse the call.

Laci (01:10:09):

Every time she breaks down crying, it’s good. When she sees her sister, it’s good. When she’s finally can. Because she goes into a depression where she’s just in bed all the time and then she finally is letting it out more and her sister completes her, reminds her that there’s something to live for. Live for the porch, Sandra.

Matt (01:10:30):

And the movie knows we have to give you enough of her really feeling this, but we can’t bum you out with her staying in bed any longer than she does.

Laci (01:10:39):

And that’s why they give you happy kids. There’s no perspective from kids. Kids are just shoot away and then brought back and shoot away and brought back. I mean, these are the happiest fucking kids. Did they get a spelled? Were they given a spell to not get

Matt (01:10:53):

You attached to their bed? They never loved their dad. Yeah. Maybe. Rachel Wood is like, “Mommy, mommy, I’m 14 years old. Wake up, mommy.”

Laci (01:11:01):

School, same as every day.

Matt (01:11:04):

Because now Sandra Bullock has moved in with her two children into her aunt’s house and she’s like, “Hey, I seem to be totally repeating the cycle of my own life, but don’t you kids get any funny ideas from these old women. There will be no chocolate. There will be bedtime and homework and baths and no magic. My children will never do magic.” So she is lying in bed. She’s very sad. “Oh, my husband’s dead. It makes me sad. “And looks at her hand and sees the scar where they bloodlet and she’s like,” Jilly.

Laci (01:11:33):

“It itches. They do a great job in this movie showing this special connection that they have. They can see and hear each other in a way that we’re not experiencing. They know when the other one needs them.

Matt (01:11:43):

Yes. Their

Laci (01:11:43):

Scar itches.

Matt (01:11:45):

No, Jilly knows it because she’s at the Orlando orgy and she look at her hand. She’s still in Orlando. The whole thing’s in Orlando. And her Fabio boyfriend, the Bulgarian brute, he’s like,” I want to drink and make love to you. 19th time. “And she’s like acting. All

Laci (01:12:01):

Ass pussy.

Matt (01:12:03):

Give me a moment to go to the bathroom.

Speaker 3 (01:12:06):

Oh God.

Matt (01:12:07):

And he’s like,” Maybe I come with you to bathroom. “No? And she’s like,” She goes to the bathroom and she puts a bunch of – It’s going to be a

Laci (01:12:14):

Number two ski.

Matt (01:12:18):

Puts a bunch of, what do they call it? Abeladala?

Laci (01:12:21):

Yeah, sure.

Matt (01:12:22):

Into his beloved thermos of liquor. And as she’s pouring it down, she looks into a mirror and she gives herself a significant. There’s some sister connections going on. She’s like, “Ooh, I feel gilly. I feel the bond.”

Laci (01:12:38):

No, she feels Sally.

Matt (01:12:40):

Which one is she?

Laci (01:12:41):

She’s jelly. No

Matt (01:12:42):

One’s

Laci (01:12:42):

Gilly.

Matt (01:12:43):

So this movie, again, the editing’s so weird. I did not realize, and I still don’t think it’s totally clear. Does she physically go to her sister or does she astral project herself over there? Because when she’s driving, it cuts to her driving in what appears to be the Australian Outback. And I was like, is she doing some sort of vision quest now?

Laci (01:13:00):

No, she physically goes because once she’s gone and Sandra Bullock reaches out for her in the bed, she can still smell her and she smells the pillow.

Matt (01:13:10):

Well, it’s like The Last Jedi with Kyra Ray. No, she’s really there. And Ray. She’s

Laci (01:13:14):

There.

Matt (01:13:16):

And Luke Ashtro projects himself across the galaxy. If

Laci (01:13:19):

Both of them both feel like they were there and that’s what it looked like, I think that’s fine.

Matt (01:13:24):

Only because Nicole Fieldman’s there and then is gone the next day. She

Laci (01:13:28):

Drives

Matt (01:13:28):

Back. Can we stay a little while longer?

Laci (01:13:31):

No, she’s got to get back before he wakes up. He’s fucking insane. She’s in an abusive relationship. She had to knock his ass out just to go.

Matt (01:13:39):

She’s in Arizona and they’re in New England. That’s a three-day drive.

Laci (01:13:43):

Yes. So he’s asleep

Matt (01:13:44):

For a week? And they show the

Laci (01:13:45):

Three-day drive. No, she gets back and that’s when they start traveling to hotels and he gets all erratic and wants to marry her. It’s because of her leaving and coming back that now it’s progressed to violence.

Matt (01:13:57):

Do you get it’s an issue with the movie that the movie doesn’t make that clear at all? You have to watch it many, many, many times to understand that? I get

Laci (01:14:04):

The privilege of watching it many, many times over the course of my life, and now I know what’s going on. I don’t know what you want me to fucking do. I can’t erase my story.

Matt (01:14:13):

Great. So Sandra Bullock wakes up in her bed and her sister’s lying there next to her, and this is another very, very good moment. She just immediately says, “I was really, really happy.” Yeah,

Laci (01:14:21):

It

Matt (01:14:21):

Just collapses. Crying into her sisters. Yeah. So Sally’s telling Jilly all about their life together. They’re going to open their oil store, employ the entire island.

Laci (01:14:31):

That’s one of the funniest jokes though. He loved my oatmeal mint shaving cream. He couldn’t stop eating it.

Matt (01:14:39):

That’s a funny joke. She sells it well. And then Jilly’s telling her about her life and Sandra Bullock’s like, “Angelov, what kind of name is that?” “Bulgarian. “Bullock is like,” Bulgarian. “What?

Laci (01:14:55):

Now I got to get hung up on all that.

Matt (01:14:56):

Yeah, he’s from somewhere near Transylvania. He has this whole Dracula cowboy thing. Talks about our relationship in terms of centuries. “Some nights we stay up all night worshiping each other like bats.”

Laci (01:15:11):

Do bats worship each other?

Matt (01:15:13):

Yeah, you don’t know much about bats. I don’t. That’s what they do. I

Laci (01:15:16):

Just never trust one.

Matt (01:15:18):

So Nicole Kidman, nice, says, “I drugged him and he must be really, really…” No, no, no. “I love this guy. He’s still alive, so must be really, really strong. Have really, really good vampire powers to still be alive.” And then Nicole Kidman’s like, “Listen, I got to go. I got a crazy boyfriend. Dracula’s about to wake up, but-” They

Laci (01:15:39):

Fall asleep together or Sandra Bullock falls asleep because she wakes up and expects her to be there and she’s not, but she does wake up rejuvenated.

Matt (01:15:47):

Yeah, good. “Pull yourself up, fella. You can do it. Go out and kick ass tomorrow.” And she’s like, “I’m Will, world.”

Laci (01:15:54):

Remember who you are. Remember the mom you wish we had. Plus you already paid the lease of the thingy and you got all those bottles and you hired

Matt (01:16:04):

Two nun

Laci (01:16:04):

Witches.

Matt (01:16:05):

Yeah. We get an early career Margo Martindale as employee number one and Chloe Webb, mid-career Chloe Webb as the other employee. I love them. And they’re just stalking and stocking and stalking.

Laci (01:16:17):

You should have had Stalker Jannon do it.

Matt (01:16:19):

Yes, you should have. And so Sandra Bullock’s like, “I’m feeling good. I have a cup of coffee and things are going well. And then there are my daughters who are happy, but then the townspeople are like,” Look, it’s those bitches. Hey bitches, you’re witches, we think. “And one of the girls points at one of the horrible boys and is like,” I curse you with chickenpox. “And everybody’s like,” No. “And Sandra Bullock’s like,” She didn’t mean it. “And then one of the girls is like,” Yes, I did, “which is funny. And he

Laci (01:16:48):

Does get chickenpox.

Matt (01:16:49):

Yeah. That’s

Laci (01:16:50):

Because those stupid fucking moms are any vaxxers. Their goddamn fault.

Matt (01:16:54):

Give them a chickenpox. I agree. I agree.

Laci (01:16:55):

Vaccine.

Matt (01:16:56):

Sandra Bullock chews out her kids like,” Hey, no. “What did she tell them? No cursing anybody? No doing

Laci (01:17:02):

Anything. We’re not casting. We’re not doing. No casting. And then she brings them home to yell at the aunts. The aunts is what they call them. “Get your mitts off my witches, bitches.”

Matt (01:17:16):

Well, they go home, their mom’s being a real meanie, and they go home and they’re like, “We’re going to go bond with our aunts who feed us chocolate from spoons and stuff.” And the aunts now tell them, “Hey, here’s the fun fact about our family is all the men who love us die gruesomely.”

Laci (01:17:30):

Quickly.

Matt (01:17:31):

Oh, okay. Yes. Die. They just die. Just death is gruesome in a way.

Laci (01:17:34):

I think so. Okay.

Matt (01:17:36):

As Griffin Dunne had to confront in interviews and he was like, “Hey, how come it’s only. They never think maybe I should date a woman or anything.” He’s like, “Huh, never thought about that.”

Speaker 3 (01:17:47):

Or maybe I should give birth to boys.

Matt (01:17:50):

It would be interesting. So is this curse male specific and is it romantic love? How in love do you have to be? What is love? Right.

Laci (01:17:58):

Should you also not make any friends? Is

Matt (01:18:00):

There

Laci (01:18:00):

A reason why you guys just keep giving birth to brunettes and redheads and then you’re best friends with each other?

Matt (01:18:06):

What if you have a guy who’s a friend who loves you, but you don’t love him back? Is he going to die?

Laci (01:18:11):

I hope so.

Matt (01:18:11):

What if he’s in the friend zone? That’s the worst curse of all. So Sandra Bullock comes in, she tells her aunts, “Listen, don’t you fill my girl’s heads with nonsense.” And Diane Wiestt is like, “We’d never tell them nonsense. Don’t worry.”

Laci (01:18:27):

Which, yeah, pointed comment. “This shit ain’t nonsense. You going to stir your coffee on your own or are you going to let it stir itself? “That’s what I thought, Sandy. You’ve been stirring that thing with magic.

Matt (01:18:38):

Sandra Bullock writes a letter to her sister about how she yearns for a love that is so huge and will make her feel whole, and the score’s getting all jazzy and bassy and she’s like –

Laci (01:18:48):

Because this letter matters, Matt.

Matt (01:18:50):

“I want a love that the crickets will be still for, and the Junebugs will hop on my shoulder. The tadpoles will swim in the rivers of the moon, baby.” Yeah, very significant letter. And the tadpoles will swim. And her sister is – I’m

Speaker 3 (01:19:07):

Not burdened the way you are. I don’t know the score at all.

Matt (01:19:10):

That’s crazy.

Speaker 3 (01:19:11):

I

Laci (01:19:11):

Know.

Matt (01:19:12):

And they must be ashamed of it because it’s not on Spotify. Every score ever is on Spotify. We couldn’t

Laci (01:19:18):

Get the right to

Matt (01:19:19):

It. Everybody else’s work. Only two tracks from the movie are on Spotify.

Laci (01:19:21):

This kiss, this kiss.

Matt (01:19:24):

Yeah. They just have that, and then they have two moments from the score.

Laci (01:19:29):

Should we straight up like a rocket?

Matt (01:19:32):

It’ll be a. No one invited you to missing. That’s a big word song. That’s going to use a lot. It’s centrifugal forces. It’s perpetual bliss. Perpetual bliss. Yeah.

Laci (01:19:45):

It’s that pivotal moment.

Matt (01:19:48):

That trivial. She ends her note by saying, “I just want someone to love me.” And then her sister immediately calls her on the phone and she knows before answering it’s her sister because this is the actual love. So do

Laci (01:20:00):

The aunts though. The aunts. They all have

Matt (01:20:01):

This. They all have love. It’s

Laci (01:20:04):

About love. Also only one person has the phone number to the house. So if it rings, it’s got to be jealous.

Matt (01:20:09):

True. Yeah. It’s like a cricket. That’s what she was talking about. It’s a cricket

Laci (01:20:12):

Phone. Yeah. It’s a deathbeetle. You don’t call unless someone’s dying.

Matt (01:20:15):

She says, “I’m taking the first flight out of Logan. How we know this is New England, even though it’s so clearly filmed in Washington State. I need you to watch the kids for me.” And they’re like, “Yes, okay. They’ll be fine with us. We’re going to the naked moon dance.” And she’s like, “Okay, my children should not be dancing naked outside under the moon.” And they’re like, “Oh.”

Laci (01:20:35):

No, you know it’s entirely optional as you know.

Matt (01:20:40):

That’s the best moment in the entire movie. And Diane Wieste delivers it very perfectly. She’s like, “Of course not, Dia. The nudity is entirely optional, as you well remember.” And then just cut. Funny comedy cut. Nicely done. So immediately Sandra Bullock’s.

Laci (01:20:56):

That’s his last name. The director. Okay.

Matt (01:21:00):

Griffin Dunlock. There you go. Sandra Bullock’s at her sister shady motel room across the country. Jimmy Angel Dracula has hit Nicole Kidman because he made a joke. She embarrassed him in front of the donut merchant.

Laci (01:21:15):

These are jelly filled like me because I drink blood and I also filled with cream because of my cum. You can both be filled with jelly and cream.

Matt (01:21:27):

Sandra Bullock’s going to help her sister escape, but then Jimmy Angelov is there and he catches them and makes them get into his car. Sandra Bullock, you drive. I mean, this is like a horrific domestic violence situation. It’s

Laci (01:21:38):

Bad.

Matt (01:21:38):

Just jarring out of dude. And

Laci (01:21:41):

Then you find out he’s murdered someone by first

Matt (01:21:44):

Branding them. My God.

Laci (01:21:45):

Then strangling them and leaving her on the side of the road. I’m feeling really into sisters right now.

Matt (01:22:01):

So as they’re driving, Nicole Kidman signals, “Hey, use my pedal, my rose petals to poison him.” And she’s like, oh okay.

Laci (01:22:08):

But

Matt (01:22:10):

He’s about to. I brand you with my ring. Yeah. And he’s talking about how much he loves Louis Lamour.

Laci (01:22:18):

Because he’s a real. He wasn’t from here.

Matt (01:22:21):

He’s a foreigner. And he loves cowboys just like me. Sandra Bullock, very funny here. She freaks out. She’s like, “You fucking drag you the fuck. Louie Lamour’s from North Dakota. Everyone knows that idiot.” But the drug is not taking effect because this guy’s a freaking vampire. Well,

Laci (01:22:36):

And she’s been drugging him the entirety of their relationship,

Matt (01:22:40):

So he’s got a

Laci (01:22:41):

High tolerance.

Matt (01:22:42):

Losing its potency on him. So he gets on top of Nicole Kidman and chokes her. So Sandra Bullock jumps on top of him, hits him, and he passes out. And then they’re like, “Oh no, he’s not passed out. He’s dead. Oh no, we gave him too much witchcraft drugs.”

Laci (01:22:58):

They’re natural.

Matt (01:23:01):

So Nicole Kidman’s freaking out. She’s like, “Please God, if you resurrect Jimmy, I’ll be a good girl. I’ll give up my heathen life.”

Laci (01:23:06):

I’ll go have children. I’ll go to the PTA. And Sandra Bullock’s like, “I have children.” I

Matt (01:23:11):

Go to PTA meetings. I’m on the phone tree. I’m trying. Sheets. And Bullock wants to go to the police. Kidman’s like, “Absolutely not. My story of self-defense will never check out.” And she’s right. Yeah. Yeah. Slow

Laci (01:23:25):

Drugging.

Matt (01:23:26):

All you can do is bury this guy. Plus it was technically Sandra Bullock who killed him or poisoned him.

Laci (01:23:32):

Correct.

Matt (01:23:33):

So if they just have to return to Witchburg and they’ll read from the Necronomicon and bring him back from the dead. Is he

Laci (01:23:38):

Called Witchburg?

Matt (01:23:40):

No. Oh.

Laci (01:23:40):

I

Matt (01:23:41):

Don’t know what it’s called. I

Laci (01:23:42):

Don’t either. Maria Berg.

Matt (01:23:43):

And they’re like, “But if we resurrect him, he’ll come back dark and unnatural.” They’re like, “But he already is dark and unnatural.” Yeah.

Laci (01:23:51):

Right. But why bring him back?

Matt (01:23:54):

Because that’s where the witch powers are at their most

Laci (01:23:56):

Cool people. You got to bring him back and then release him onto a boat that is powered and is already going back to Arizona. An Arizona boat. You don’t want to release him right where you are. Well, Nicole Gibbon’s very funny here too because she’s like, “He’s going to be so pissed.”

Matt (01:24:13):

I guess that’s where the book is. That’s where the Book of the Dead is.

Laci (01:24:18):

What is?

Matt (01:24:19):

Witchburg. That’s why they have to go back there.

Laci (01:24:22):

I no longer was curious.

Matt (01:24:24):

You had asked.

Laci (01:24:25):

Yep, and ceased caring. You were just making a joke, right? You’re just saying Witchburg.

Matt (01:24:31):

But the book is there. That’s why they have to go. What

Laci (01:24:33):

Are you talking

Matt (01:24:34):

About? Shush. They’re dragging the body into the house. I

Laci (01:24:40):

Cannot believe you don’t have one clip of this

Matt (01:24:42):

Sound. Because if I do, we’ll get demonetized. The worst thing of all that can happen.

Laci (01:24:47):

We’re

Matt (01:24:48):

So. They do a bunch of Witch Bruce stuff and they’re chanting and he springs to life, but first they have to write a pentagram on his chest, so they do it in whipped cream.

Laci (01:24:56):

I do like that Sandra takes a little bit of away.

Matt (01:24:58):

Yeah, of course. That’s nice. Again, she’s great in this movie.

Laci (01:25:02):

I know. I know.

Matt (01:25:05):

He opens his eyes. He starts choking Nicole Kidman. He’s like, “I want you to be my wife.”

Speaker 3 (01:25:09):

Be my wife. Be my wife. He just keeps saying

Laci (01:25:12):

It and saying it.

Matt (01:25:12):

I’m my wife. I’m our wife.

Laci (01:25:15):

This movie is advanced in this where there’s no movies like this showing someone can be saying this and we’re taught that this is so romantic. This all we should ever want is a guy completely obsessed with us, wants to go to the bathroom with us, just wants us to be his wife. And it’s like, “Yeah, but what is he doing?”

Matt (01:25:32):

You think there’s no movies like this?

Laci (01:25:34):

This message was not out there for teens at this time. There wasn’t. This explanation of toxic obsession and what do you call that? In enabling. Codependent relationships. I don’t think media did a great job of showing these things and how you don’t need. This isn’t love. This is abuse. This manipulation. This is bad.

Matt (01:26:00):

I want you to be my wife. And now Sandra Bullock hits him with a frying pan and now he’s dead. He’s dead. Did

Laci (01:26:06):

You kill Jimmy Angelov a couple times?

Matt (01:26:11):

Smash cut to them digging an enormous grave in the rain. So big. Huge. That must

Laci (01:26:15):

Be moist soil. They really got in there.

Matt (01:26:17):

And promise me, Sally, what, Jilly? We’re never going to tell the aunts. I promise. But the aunts return the next day with these daughters who are delighted to see Nicole Kidman. And they’re like, “Oh my God, we had the best night ever. We danced naked under the full moon.” And the other girl’s like, “So cool.” Did you notice this additional written material by, in the closing credits, additional writing material by Jay Epstein? Who do you think that is?

Speaker 3 (01:26:45):

Shut up.

Matt (01:26:46):

So the aunts are very sweet to Nicole Kidman. The aunts, Stocker Channing and Diane Weiss, Stocker Channings looks at her bruised on her face like little mug port. We’ll fix that right up. And then the other one’s like, “Whoever he was, he’ll get what he deserves.”

Laci (01:27:00):

Yes. This is beautifully supportive aunts and family and non-judgmental and you go make your mistakes and we’re not going to punish you further for them and you be who you are. I love that. I love that message. This was a very cozy movie for me. I’m smart. Who?

Matt (01:27:19):

Yeah. No, yeah. Not yet. But then Evan Rachel Wood is staring out the window and she sees Creepy Jimmy in the rose trellises. So it’s the next day and Sally has to go to her kid’s school because it’s phone tree day. Now, what the fuck is this shit?

Laci (01:27:36):

It’s just PTA, but it’s meant to. You got to have something to show that she’s still earnestly trying to fit in with this fucking town, and they are just so wrong to her.

Matt (01:27:49):

Hey, I understand it’s functioning in the screenplay. The idea of this is all the moms in town have to go to school once a week or whatever and go sit in the classroom. Just

Laci (01:27:59):

The PTA match, PTA meeting. It’s totally normal. It’s once a month.

Matt (01:28:04):

Even once a month, go sit in a classroom as a teacher yells at you. What the PTA is? So they have to go to this class where the teacher’s like, “Oh, who’s on the top of the phone tree? Who gets the coveted position of top of the phone tree?” And we get a look at her phone tree sheets, and it’s a name that is not Sally, and Sally’s sitting there in the back of the class, the black sheep. No one likes her. Who could like this hag? And then Nicole Kidman comes in, she’s like, “I have returned to my hometown.” And they’re like, “Not you.” And she sits down next to her sister and suddenly they’re cutting up in class. Let that

Laci (01:28:35):

Guard your husband’s ladies.

Matt (01:28:38):

She has a tattoo on her boob. I heard she fucked the faculty.

Laci (01:28:43):

And then she gets her tongue, or I don’t know, Kat gets her tongue. I don’t know. She does a little tongue spell. And then Sandra Bolk is like, “Don’t do that.” She’s like, “I didn’t do it. She’s doing witch shit. God damn it.”

Matt (01:28:59):

The thing she does do is she replaces all the phone tree sheets with Sally at the top. She’s like, “Oh my goodness, we have an upset. Sally wins the phone tree list. Wow.”

Laci (01:29:11):

I mean, if I’m the one that wrote all those pages and I wrote the name I wrote at the top, and all of a sudden all of it says is Sally, and I know there’s a witch in the room.

Matt (01:29:19):

That’s the thing about this movie, is at the end of the. They’re so happy with these witches, but are they attending church service this week? Do they still believe in God? The universe is not what we thought it was.

Laci (01:29:30):

I think that that’s very nice that witches can exist and no one’s ever talking about the devil in this movie. It’s just pagans. No one’s talking about church either. It’s a churchless movie like it.

Laci (01:29:45):

No one ever brings up Jesus. No one’s ever saying they’re evil because if you start bringing those things in and it’s too big, it’s too big to fight, do I have to show you my morality because I’m a witch? I have to constantly prove that I’m nice. Yes. But at the end of the day, all it is is a club and these regular women want to get in the club. They just want to be in the coven. And they prove that at the end like, oh, we just wanted you to tell us what you guys are doing in

Matt (01:30:05):

Here. I just wanted you to invite me over to your house. You never did, but now you are. All is forgiven. You’re right.

Laci (01:30:09):

Sorry about that rock to the head.

Matt (01:30:11):

It’s nighttime.

Laci (01:30:12):

Okay. This is much like the Harry Belafonte scene in Beetlejuice. This is the scene of the movie. I mean, the lime and the coconut scene is very important.

Matt (01:30:24):

And you know that they knew too when they’re watching, oh, and this will be our big scene is the lime and the coconut indicator.

Laci (01:30:34):

Okay, so it’s chocolate and no homework and no brushing teeth when you’re a kid. What does it look like when you’re older? What are these ants doing?What do they do to fill their time? What was a witch’s life like? And it’s like midnight margaritas.

Matt (01:30:45):

Like me on a Friday, margaritas. That’s so cute. I do the misdirect of like, ooh, they’re doing a really elaborate witches brew. Oh, it’s just margaritas in a blender. But they add a little witch power because it blends itself. Or maybe they just touch the button without me saying.

Laci (01:30:59):

It’s practical.

Matt (01:31:00):

So then Nicole Gibman and Sandra Bullock join them. Oh, cha, cha, cha, dancing around the table. Yes, lime and the coconut. Also, the only interestingly shot part of the movie, we’re doing a lot of handheld warners. We’re in there with them and they’re getting fucking drunk and talking about all the men they’ve shagged and the camera’s getting all up in their face and seeing their pores and stuff. But then things turn serious when they realize, oh shit, what bottle are we drinking out of? This is Jimmy Angel’s bottle. Because they’re

Laci (01:31:26):

All acting a little different. They’re all acting a little cursed. And this is again, you’re right. There is something about Jimmy just in general. Why should he be able to come back from the fucking dead? No one’s pulling his strings. He’s pulling his own. He’s a warlock, I guess. And he cursed that bottle of tequila and he put it on the porch, put it.

Matt (01:31:50):

So Nicole Kidman smashes the bottle.

Laci (01:31:53):

Really big in the sink. Now there’s glass in the sink asshole

Matt (01:31:57):

And

Laci (01:31:57):

You’re all barefoot. God.

Matt (01:31:59):

Stocker Channing is like, “Something’s going on here. I can smell it. It’s the smell of bullshit. We’re out of here.” So she and Diane Wiestt peace out. Tell

Laci (01:32:08):

Us we’re out of here.

Matt (01:32:11):

First they tell the little girls, they go and they’re like, “Wish I’ll keep you safe with these trinkets. Don’t worry, girls. But we left your mother to clean up our own goddamn mess.” So they’re out. They’re out of the movie now. And the next morning Sandra Book and Nicole Kidman are like, “I’m so fucking hungover, dude. Dude, me too.” And Evan Rachel Wood’s like, “There’s a man out by the roses.” And they go look and they’re like, “No, there’s not. Shut up.”

Laci (01:32:35):

Shut up. This is why you’re not in the sequel. I mean, whatever. Because

Matt (01:32:39):

Of this right here.

Laci (01:32:40):

Quit seeing things.

Matt (01:32:42):

No, they’re just, oh fuck, it’s Jimmy. He’s there, but we can’t see him. And they go out to the roses and he’s not there. And Nicole Kidman’s really freaking out. So Sandra Bullock’s like, “Hey, walk it off, Nicole. Get inside.”

Laci (01:32:54):

Cool down. Cool, Jamiah. I’m going to take over this. And she just goes fucking insane. It’s covered in thorns. So I just love that she’s bleeding just a little bit everywhere.

Matt (01:33:04):

Yeah.

Laci (01:33:04):

And her blood’s pumping because now she’s got to lie to this guy. So once they’re inside and she’s like. Now she’s bleeding out of her because she’s so nervous. She’s her own fucking truth detecting machine like, oh, blood’s squirting out. So you’re lying.

Matt (01:33:21):

And they say Jimmy, he’s making the roses grow with his death juices or whatever.

Laci (01:33:29):

Right. He’s making a spectacle. It’s too early for roses. You’ve definitely got a dead man in here.

Matt (01:33:34):

She’s going ham on these roses and then Aiden Quinn arrives in the movie as a detective. What else is he in? Oh, he’s from Desperately Seeking Susan, which I saw earlier this movie, earlier this year. I tried to look through his filmography to see what will Laci know him from and I couldn’t – Know

Laci (01:33:51):

Him from this.

Matt (01:33:52):

Yeah. He’s from the state’s attorney’s office in Tucson. And she’s like, “Well, what are you doing up here, officer?” And he’s like, “Well, well, I got to know something about my cousin. I got some questions for you.” And she’s like, “Okay, would you like to come in?” Why

Laci (01:34:11):

Is he making him sound like foghorn leghorn? It doesn’t sound like that.

Matt (01:34:14):

What does he sound

Laci (01:34:14):

Like that? That’s Georgia. He’s more Texan, right? Because Arizona’s near there.

Matt (01:34:20):

Sure.

Laci (01:34:21):

Now look at here there. Let me see.

Matt (01:34:23):

She goes inside, she’s having a panic attack and she’s like, “There’s a fucking cop, dude. And I know this sounds really strange, but I feel like I can’t lie to him.” And she’s like, “Of course you can lie to him. Let’s just get our story straight. Also, is he cute?” Because I’m

Laci (01:34:35):

Going to fuck him. Nicole’s like –

Matt (01:34:37):

She’s always thinking with her dick.

Laci (01:34:38):

Well, she’s like, “I’m going to use my feminine wilds on him.” And then it doesn’t work. It’s like Laci trying to charm someone and they can’t take – Love it. She does not know what to do with herself. Love it when that happens. Like what? I’m going to use my brain now?

Matt (01:34:52):

Yeah. She’s like, “Let me read your palm.”

Laci (01:34:54):

Yeah, let

Matt (01:34:56):

Me touch you a lot. This line means you’re horny.

Laci (01:34:58):

Uh-oh. Do you feel my pee pee?

Matt (01:35:03):

Listeners, if you ever get to have sex with Laci, she’s better. No, she says better stuff than that.

Laci (01:35:09):

Yeah, I wasn’t doing real sex talk. That’s just for you.

Matt (01:35:12):

Hey, I feel your pee pee.

Laci (01:35:14):

Ew.

Matt (01:35:14):

So she goes, Sandra does Sally. She goes, Sandra does. Sandra does go out to Aiden Quinn. She’s like, “So officer, what brings you to the island?” And he pulls out a letter and it’s the letter she wrote to her sister. She’s like, “You read my letter? It was a very personal letter.”

Laci (01:35:31):

Well, I have to read all the evidence.

Matt (01:35:34):

But she’s doing her patented Sandra Bullock sort of flustered flirting. It’s very good. It’s good. Again, this movie that’s a feminist classic and all about the power of sisterhood, I think the thing that works best is just this little micro rom-com between her and the cop.

Laci (01:35:50):

Duh.

Matt (01:35:51):

Duh?

Laci (01:35:52):

Duh.

Matt (01:35:53):

Okay.

Laci (01:35:54):

We’re all just trying to make Sandy happy. Sandy Sally needs to be happy. She’s by the seashore.

Matt (01:35:59):

He goes into the house. He’s like, “Ladies and gentlemen, I’m looking for Mr. Jimmy Angel. Is he your boyfriend, Miss?” It’s like, “I wouldn’t say he’s my boyfriend. He’s more like a big mistake.”

Speaker 3 (01:36:12):

So that means you definitely did kill him in his big car parked right outside

Matt (01:36:17):

The – That’s his car. Now

Speaker 3 (01:36:19):

What are you playing that there, Missy? That’s his killing car.

Matt (01:36:23):

And I think that Sandra Bullock and Aiden Quinn have good chemistry too. He’s really fucking flustering her. She’s like – He’s standing very close. He’s a kidnapping, but it’s a little nap, a little nap, a little napping. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He’s

Laci (01:36:42):

Dabbing the blood off of her, which is so sweet.

Matt (01:36:45):

He’s on the trail of this serial abuser and murderer, so he would be on their side.

Laci (01:36:49):

Right.

Matt (01:36:50):

This is the best ally you’re ever going to get, but they won’t be honest with him.

Laci (01:36:54):

Well, because of all the murder,

Matt (01:36:57):

Right? Self-defense. Murder most foul. There’s a little montage of him interviewing people in town and like, “I hate those witches. They’re so witchy.” They

Laci (01:37:06):

Fly off their roofs, I tell you.

Matt (01:37:11):

They

Laci (01:37:11):

Ate their toast butterside down. Weird.

Matt (01:37:16):

He then goes back to Sandra Bullock. He’s like, “I think you haven’t been completely honest with me, madam.” And she’s like, “Oh, I’ll be completely honest with you. Tomorrow morning, come over for pancakes.” 10

Laci (01:37:26):

O’clock with normal breakfast time for every adult.

Matt (01:37:30):

It’s a day.

Laci (01:37:30):

The middle of the fucking day.

Matt (01:37:32):

I’ll see you at 10 o’clock in the morning.

Laci (01:37:34):

After I’ve had five hours of work I’ve

Matt (01:37:36):

Put

Laci (01:37:37):

In.

Matt (01:37:37):

And Sandra Bullock watches this hottie walk away and she’s like, “Oh fuck, I think it moved.” So it’s that night Nicole Kim and sleeping uneasily. She could feel me. Jimmy, I know you’re there,

Laci (01:37:54):

Angelie. So now she’s got to go into the greenhouse and make pancake syrup that’s going to taste disgusting that’s going to kill the man. She’s killing another guy?

Matt (01:38:07):

No, this is just going to banish him. It’s going to make him leave town.

Speaker 3 (01:38:12):

My biscuits are burning.

Matt (01:38:15):

I can’t get back across the county line. Yeah, I guess the case is closed.

Speaker 3 (01:38:22):

Seems normal. Everyone called you all witches and now for some reason there’s an invisible force field that allows me to not physically enter your town. And what, she’s giving pancakes to

Laci (01:38:29):

Every other officer that gets sent over there

Matt (01:38:31):

Afterwards? It’s one after another, one after another. Nicole Kidman’s making the syrup with her little nieces and they’re like, “Tell us about mommy.” She’s like, “Your mom was in love and she wrote this diary entry about how she wants the perfect man.” And they’re like, “Is that about our daddy?”

Laci (01:38:50):

No, your dad’s a simple fuck. This is a man that could never exist.

Matt (01:38:54):

She liked

Laci (01:38:54):

Your dad though. She lies. She really liked him though. The way you guys kind of like your dad, but you’re totally fine that he died like that.

Matt (01:39:02):

I certainly thought it would be a much bigger part of the movie that Evan Rachel Wood is styled to look like Nicole Kidman and is doing the jilly sort of role and that would be like Sandra Bullock’s like, “Oh no, my daughter is becoming a witch and I don’t want that.” But the movie doesn’t really go down that avenue at all.

Laci (01:39:20):

This movie is not about children. It is about adults.

Matt (01:39:24):

Aidan Quinn arrives. Sandra Bullock has styled herself to look like a damn snack.

Laci (01:39:30):

Okay. Calm down, buckaroo. Look at Aidan Quinn in the plaid though.

Matt (01:39:36):

And he’s a –

Laci (01:39:37):

Yeah, that plaid. They show you his eyes so many times, like up close piercing blue eyes. They show you so many times like, okay, no green. No green eye. Okay, blue, green, no green eye. They keep showing it to you like it can’t be him. That’s not her lover, man. And then he flipped a pancake. Can you ride a pony back sideways back and forth up his ass so I can do any kind of pony?

Matt (01:39:57):

I’m from Arizona. Of course I can.

Laci (01:40:00):

So was Jimmy. No, he wasn’t. He was a foreigner.

Matt (01:40:03):

It’s like, wow, he meets all three things she wrote down in that diary entry and one of my eyes is green.

Laci (01:40:09):

No, they don’t know that, Matt.

Matt (01:40:11):

Goes up to Sandra Bullock. “You look like a damn snack, madam.” She’s like, “You look like a celery stick and I’m a tub of blue cheese. Take a dip.”

Laci (01:40:19):

Fuck.

Matt (01:40:19):

And he’s like, “I’ve been talking to the towns folk about you.”

Laci (01:40:22):

It’s a weird town.

Matt (01:40:23):

“What do they say? She’s like,” They say you cook up placenta and you worshiping the devil and such. “She’s like,” No, there’s no devil in the craft.

Laci (01:40:33):

“No. And there’s no placenta in my mouth currently. And what else do you want to know? “That you killed a man? I did a couple times. What else do you want?” She’s very coy.

Matt (01:40:44):

Because she can’t lie to him, so she’s playing it off like a. “You killed that Jimmy Angel.” A couple of times. “Is he hiding here in this house? “And she’s like,” No, not in this house at the moment. “She’s like,” Okay.

Speaker 3 (01:40:58):

“Ask the question differently.

Matt (01:41:01):

So he’s like,” Well, my work. All right. Now I’m off the clock. Time to have fun doing pancake stuff with this family. “So we get the montage of him. “The hottest thing a guy can be is good with my girls. Oh wow. Now they’re in a medicine commercial.”

Laci (01:41:16):

All right, fine. Maybe people are just happy other places, Matt. Can you accept that?

Matt (01:41:22):

I guess not. Maybe

Laci (01:41:22):

People are just happy. You have a house like that? A yard like that, Sandra Bullock?

Matt (01:41:27):

Yeah. Imagine the upkeep. Imagine how tall the grass would be if we owned it.

Laci (01:41:33):

No, witch power. You got to be a witch.

Matt (01:41:38):

So they’re having a happy medicine commercial, but then they notice he notices a giant bullfrog and he’s like, “Say, what’s up with that bullfrog?” No,

Laci (01:41:45):

The syrup gets slapped out of his hand

Matt (01:41:47):

And the

Laci (01:41:47):

Kids, they run it to the ocean and it’s like, “Oh, that’s so silly.” And he’s like, “I wonder what was in the fucking syrup.”

Matt (01:41:53):

Because the kids are now like, “Oh, I like this guy. I want mommy to date him.”

Laci (01:41:57):

Yeah.

Matt (01:41:57):

Our dad died last week.

Laci (01:42:00):

Our birthdays are coming up, so TikTok. We need a second income in this family.

Matt (01:42:05):

Throw the syrup in the ocean. And he’s like, “Your children are pretty weird, but all right.” She’s like, “Yeah, I don’t know. They hate that syrup.” And then he sees a bullfrog, he’s like, “That bullfrog just regurgitated a goddamn ring.”

Laci (01:42:16):

Oh, Brandon killing ring.

Matt (01:42:19):

Yeah. And when he sees that, he’s like, “Something’s going on here and you ladies best get a lawyer. Lawyer up, good.”

Laci (01:42:25):

Talking like that, sir, and you’re not a lawyer. I’m not telling you I’m not. Did I represent JFK a little bit? Maybe so. Maybe so.

Matt (01:42:33):

Why JFK? Not

Laci (01:42:34):

JFK. The lawsuit. JFK, the movie. Yeah, that one.

Matt (01:42:42):

So he was on – John

Laci (01:42:43):

Goodman. John Goodman’s character.

Matt (01:42:45):

John Candy. Fuck. Yeah. The Mac Daddy, the big enchilada. That’s him. Yeah, I gotcha. Okay. So the sisters get in a big fight because Jilly’s like, “You, Sally, you only think about yourself.” And Sally’s like, “No, Jilly, you only think of yourself. Sally, you’re trying to be too normal. You’re oppressing your witches. I can’t imagine having your witches telling and you’re letting it go to waste.” So Sally’s like, “I want you out of this house and I’m going to go confess to Aiden Quinn. I’m going to go tell him the truth. Sally, no, don’t do that.” Aiden Quinn’s character is Gary, goes to Gary’s hotel room.

Laci (01:43:25):

What a name.

Matt (01:43:25):

And sees Gary. Oh, hi, Gary. He’s like, “Oh, don’t take a look at all my evidence, including this letter.” She’s like, “It looks like you read my letter a lot. How many times you read it?

Laci (01:43:34):

It’s also covered in cum.

Matt (01:43:36):

Read a couple of times. A couple of times I read it. A

Laci (01:43:38):

Couple of

Matt (01:43:38):

Few. So he turns on his tape recorder, starts asking you questions, asking her questions. She’s like,” What if I told you I killed him? What would you do, huh? Would you take me in? Would you punish me? “”Would you cuff me, tie me up, make me wear stilettos?”

Laci (01:43:56):

Bank my feet, punch my tits.

Matt (01:43:58):

So they start violently kissing.

Laci (01:44:01):

“No, we can’t. We can’t.” And they do it again.

Matt (01:44:04):

Sally looks into his eyes, realizes they’re different colors. Oh God, green and a blue. And now she realizes what she’s going. She’s conjured this guy into existence. He’s basically a tulpa born of her adolescent longings. “I wish for this to be, and now this man is born.” Or a child did exist and the universe came down as like, “Now we’re cursing you to be this lady’s man one day.”

Laci (01:44:28):

I don’t know. It looks pretty nice. You keep saying curses. Just because as a witch did it doesn’t make it bad. Shut up.

Matt (01:44:35):

It doesn’t mean to curse. I love to curse. She runs home and to find Jillie has been possessed by Jimmy. Jilly possessed by Jimmy. Gary’s a tulpa. Jillie’s possessed by Jimmy. Got it. So he turns into The Exorcist for three minutes and then Gary runs in and he’s like, “Oh my God damn it in hell.” Can I just

Speaker 3 (01:44:53):

See what I think I saw with the frighteners with James Fox?

Matt (01:45:02):

Oh my God, it’s Jimmy Angel up in the flesh and what? Oh my God. Guess he’s

Speaker 3 (01:45:06):

Not dead. Bye officer.

Matt (01:45:09):

Jimmy’s like a fucking spirit walking around. He’s like, “Ooh, Gary Howlett. I miss you.” You make me all sick. And he’s going to attack him, but Gary pulls out his badge and the badge fucking –

Laci (01:45:23):

No, no, no. He reaches in for his heart, but he grabs the badge and, “Oh, it burns. No. Ah, silver.

Matt (01:45:29):

Weakness.

Laci (01:45:31):

But that’s a werewolf. They’re getting this shit all confused.

Matt (01:45:34):

Because there was a thing earlier where Sandra Bullock’s being very boring about curse only has power. If you believe in it like your cop’s badge, it doesn’t stop criminals on site, but you’re such a big, strong cop that it has a power.

Laci (01:45:48):

It’s also the power of the police force and the criminal justice system, but yeah, sure.

Matt (01:45:52):

So the badge makes this guy disappear, but he doesn’t go away. So he’s like,” I came here to arrest a bad guy, but the bad guy’s in the spirit world or whatever. “And she’s like,” Yeah. “He’s like,” Listen, I got to come clean. I didn’t read your letter a couple of times. I read it a thousand times. That’s what brought me here. And I’m all mixed up about that. “So I’m

Speaker 3 (01:46:19):

Going to get a lawyer too, because

Matt (01:46:21):

We’re

Speaker 3 (01:46:21):

Getting a divorce.

Matt (01:46:23):

Just trial of the century. What the fuck is happening here? But

Laci (01:46:27):

She gets burned to the stake if she loses, so it’s real high stakes.

Matt (01:46:31):

Hot

Laci (01:46:32):

Stakes.

Matt (01:46:33):

She’s like,” Listen, I have to come clean with you. I sent for you. Your feelings for me, they’re not real. You’re saying what I’m feeling is just one of y’all spells. “And she’s like,” Yeah, and if you say, I’ll never know if it was because of my witch powers, and you’ll never know if I’m only with you because you’ll keep me out of prison or whatever. “He’s like,” Yeah, well, I’ll relationship that bro. “Look, I think this is kind of an interesting idea for a rom-com.

Laci (01:46:59):

Yeah.

Matt (01:46:59):

“Oh, I’m in love with the witch and I don’t know if I’m being cursed or not.” If I’m in love with it,

Laci (01:47:02):

Right.

Matt (01:47:03):

And also, who cares?

Laci (01:47:04):

Who cares? Right, it’s Sandra Bolt.

Matt (01:47:06):

Kind of an interesting rom-com thing situation. And he says, “Curses only have power when you believe in them.” And I don’t, but you know what else? I wished for you too.

Laci (01:47:18):

And then she chokes up, but she doesn’t show him. That’s such a sweet moment too. All right. Now back to the possession of the sister. Oh,

Matt (01:47:26):

Right. The exorcist.

Laci (01:47:26):

We need to get a coven going.

Matt (01:47:28):

So Sally goes back to time. Bone tree. She’s like, “Oh, fuck. My sister’s possessed by Jimmy Angel.” There’s

Laci (01:47:33):

Only seven other women in the town, so it’s easy to know who’s coming.

Matt (01:47:37):

But the way that this is revealed is Nicole Kimmin’s like, “Come here, sis. Let me give you a big hug. My sister.” And they hug and then Nicole Kimmon licks her. She’s like, “Jelly, that’s gross. Oh no, you’re not Jilli, you’re Jimmy.” You

Laci (01:47:49):

Got a massive boner.

Matt (01:47:50):

Oh no. She licks her and then she’s like, “Ye-ha.”

Laci (01:47:54):

I’m feeling

Matt (01:47:54):

Very

Laci (01:47:54):

Into sisters. He says the same thing that he says in the car.

Matt (01:47:57):

And the movie turns back into The Exorcist, and then it’s at this moment that the aunts walk back in and they’re like, “What’s going on here?”

Laci (01:48:05):

We knew it. Demon possession.

Matt (01:48:08):

All right. So here’s what we need. We need a full coven, nine women, 12’s better. Do you have any friends? And they’re like – You

Laci (01:48:14):

Know she doesn’t have any friends, but I’ve

Matt (01:48:17):

Got a phone tree. We spent all our time together. Yeah, but yeah.

Laci (01:48:20):

Literally no.

Matt (01:48:21):

Now we’ll turn to the phone tree. Now it’s Richie Rich again, and Richie’s friends are coming over to shut off the kiddo polt. They’re calling all the people in town. They’re like, “I knew it. I knew you were a witch.” And Chloe Webb is like, “Of course I’ll help you. Great news. Sally just came out.” Get it? I do. So all the friends arrive for the witch party. They’re getting into the witchcraft. They’re embracing their inner spider. Even the most evil woman, Sarah, her heart’s melting. Yeah,

Laci (01:48:53):

They all just want to be included. It’s a witch club and we all want to come play.

Matt (01:48:57):

If anybody’s ever mean to you, it’s only because they’re jealous of you. That’s what I take away. That’s

Laci (01:49:01):

Almost always true.

Matt (01:49:03):

That is not almost always true. No.

Laci (01:49:05):

Yeah, no, it is.

Matt (01:49:06):

Yeah, I know. That’s some bullshit your parents.

Laci (01:49:08):

No, it’s true.

Matt (01:49:09):

So they each pick up a broom. My parents

Laci (01:49:11):

Didn’t talk to

Matt (01:49:12):

Me. And they form a protective broom circle around Nicole Kidman, and they all start chanting. And I do like this. Camera’s doing a big swoop around this. And the women are kind of looking at each other and like – What

Laci (01:49:22):

The fuck do we do? Do we say it? And they’re

Matt (01:49:24):

Just kind of copying each other. But it’s not working.

Laci (01:49:32):

It’s pissing him off. It’s tickling his deck, bro.

Matt (01:49:35):

Something’s happening, but not enough. Something’s

Laci (01:49:36):

Not enough.

Matt (01:49:37):

So Sandra Bullock’s lying down next to her sister on the other side of the broom, and Nicole Gibman’s like. Let me go. And Sandra Bullock’s pretty

Laci (01:49:47):

Exhausting.

Matt (01:49:47):

Never. He’ll never take you. I’ve got an idea. Jimmy, you want your liquor bottle? My liquor bottle. And she crosses the broom or whatever, and then Sandra Book cuts her hand, puts some blood on Nicole Kidman’s hand.This is what does it. Would you just do a bunch of cuts? Ooh, the power of sisterhood and handholding and blood. Yeah. Great. Jimmy’s expelled, condemned to hell, and then all the women are laughing, and then Jimmy crumbles into ashes and now it’s a big message.

Laci (01:50:16):

And now we know why there’s brooms with witches.

Matt (01:50:18):

Because it’s practical. You got to clean them up. And Margo Martindale’s like, “Okay, ladies, let’s clean house.” And they’re all like, “Yeah.” But it’s later. Everything’s back to normal. And Sandra Bullock’s gotten a letter from Gary. “Hey, Gary. “And he’s like,” You’re no longer a suspect. “And she’s like,” That’s all it says, just a professional letter, not anything else. “Well,

Laci (01:50:44):

Three dick pics too.

Matt (01:50:46):

Oh, I didn’t see that. Yeah.

Laci (01:50:47):

They’re all flashes. So she’s like,” Oh, go.

Matt (01:50:49):

“So she asks her sister,” What should I do? “And her sister’s like,” Whatever you do, you have to do for the right guy. “And then I think this is when the Stevie Nicks,” Do you always trust your initial family? “So Sandra Bullock releases a leaf into the night sky. Yes. And it summons this tulpa to return against his will. He’s like,” I keep showing up here. I don’t know why. “No.

Laci (01:51:15):

When she calls from miles away, he goes. It’s part of what he’s supposed to be able to do.

Matt (01:51:21):

Yeah, but it’s done.

Laci (01:51:22):

He wants it. He loves being called.

Matt (01:51:24):

He didn’t choose to want it.

Laci (01:51:25):

He’s just on a horse.

Matt (01:51:28):

Love is strange, isn’t it? He’s

Laci (01:51:29):

Bored.

Matt (01:51:29):

I didn’t choose to love you. I wouldn’t have picked you.

Laci (01:51:31):

Wouldn’t picked your ass either.

Matt (01:51:33):

Yeah, but we’re stuck with each other. Fuck. He arrives. Everyone’s like,” There he is. Yay. It’s Halloween. The Owens ladies, they get on top of the fakest looking set ever. It’s like a school play. No,

Laci (01:51:43):

That’s real.

Matt (01:51:45):

And then they float to the ground and the townspeople are like, yay witches. Yay witches. And now Sandra Bullock’s doing some voiceover and she’s like, “So at the end of the day, here’s what I learned. Carry sage with you. Throw salt over your shoulder and fall in love whenever you can.”

Laci (01:52:02):

So you have as many deaths and bodies in where you came from.

Matt (01:52:09):

Fall in love whenever you can, even if you’re already married.

Laci (01:52:12):

Well, you need extra. If you love a lot of men, then you got the next one

Matt (01:52:19):

Lined

Laci (01:52:19):

Up. Now

Matt (01:52:20):

What’s the last shot of the movie, Laci? Is it the sisters? No, it’s Sandra Bullock kissing Aiden Quinn. It’s like it’s a romantic comedy. So this movie’s just all fucking mixed up. I don’t know what to think where to put my attention, but that’s practical

Laci (01:52:35):

Magic. I never know how to rate my movies that mean a lot to me fairly. What is your heart? No. Well, my heart tells me five, but then I also understand when movie has problems and not all of my special movies have to be a five. So I think it’s probably a four. And for you, it’s probably 2.5. But for me –

Matt (01:53:16):

If it gives you a five star experience, that’s totally valid. I give five stars to all kinds of movies that are incredibly flawed. I need

Speaker 3 (01:53:22):

To think about it.

Matt (01:53:24):

All right. Well, this movie doesn’t work at all for me, and this wasn’t a case where watching it again made me like it more. It actually kind of made me like it less because I kept expecting, okay, I missed stuff the first time around. It’ll make more sense and it made less sense the second time. You’re

Laci (01:53:39):

Doing it

Matt (01:53:39):

Wrong. It’s not that it made less sense. It’s like, oh, I see how everything happened and they did it even worse than I expected. There’s a lot of stuff I like. Love Sandra Bullock. Love.

Laci (01:53:49):

The ants.

Matt (01:53:52):

I love whenever I see some ants on the ground. Look at them. They’re so hardworking. But two stars for this movie did not care for it. I’m sorry. I just think directed very poorly to show you Halloween movies. I think the script sucks. And I truly think this might be the worst score I’ve ever heard in a major motion picture. Two stars.

Laci (01:54:11):

Well, can’t wait for the second one to be fucking amazing and totally blow Spider-Man out of the water.

Matt (01:54:17):

See who did the music for the second one. But you go ahead with your rating.

Laci (01:54:22):

I already did.

Matt (01:54:23):

You did? Five stars? I said

Laci (01:54:25):

I

Matt (01:54:25):

Don’t know. No, you can’t do that. People want this.

Laci (01:54:29):

They do not.

Matt (01:54:29):

Yes, they do. I promise you people want this.

Laci (01:54:32):

Then it’s a five for cozy vibes.

Matt (01:54:35):

That is practical magic. What are we doing next, Laci? Tell us what we’re doing next.

Laci (01:54:41):

I don’t know. Is it a clue?

Matt (01:54:43):

Get a clue.

Laci (01:54:43):

Give me a clue.

Matt (01:54:45):

To honor Tim Curry. Big movie for a lot of people. I’ve definitely seen it.

Laci (01:54:51):

Definitely seen it. And I know I always enjoy it, but it did not become one of my movies, but I look forward to watching it.

Matt (01:54:58):

Yes. So we’ll talk to you all next week, but until then, check us out on patreonpatreon.com/oneweekrental. If you’re listening, please subscribe to our YouTube. YouTube @oneweekrental. We are on the social media. We’re on Letterboxd Matt Stokes nine and Load Bear Lacy, and Rural Route Nine is the name of my band we do the music for 1-Week Rental. Please check us out wherever you listen to music, and I would be so indebted if you did that. Thank you so much. Okay. Let me cast a spell, make that happen, okay? Okay. I love you. Goodbye.