Can’t Hardly Wait (1998)

Matt (00:00:21):

Hello. Welcome to 1-Week Rental, a movie podcast. We spent the last week with Can’t Hardly Wait. And now we’re going to tell you all about it. My name is Matt Stokes.

Laci (00:00:30):

And I’m Laci Roth.

Matt (00:00:32):

When I say we spent the last week with Can’t Hardly Wait, what I mean is we watched it twice and we researched it and we talked about it and we thought about it and now we’re going to tell you all about it, which is what our podcast is. One week rental.

Laci (00:00:44):

Right. Welcome to that.

Matt (00:00:46):

Welcome to that. I’m a film snob. I think there was a time where I would have tutted my nose at a movie like Can’t Hardly Wait. When I was like 16 to 22, when I was the intended audience for this movie. And thus I never saw this movie. What’s your history with it?

Laci (00:01:03):

I’ve seen it a bunch. I loved Empire Records, so I liked Ethan Embry. I still did not like Jennifer Love Hewitt. This movie did not help. I love Seth Green. Well, I mean, I was of … What year did this come out,

Matt (00:01:20):

Sorry? 98.

Laci (00:01:21):

All right. So I’m the market, baby.

Matt (00:01:23):

We’ve done a lot of teen movies from this era. And we did an episode on Heartbreakers last year. Jennifer Love Hewitt’s adult, her entry into growing up in movies. And that’s a good movie and she’s very good in that. We have a very early episode about Empire Records. I think I would like to revisit that movie. Please.

Laci (00:01:40):

It’s so important to me.

Matt (00:01:41):

That was in the early days of the podcast where we didn’t know what we were doing. Still didn’t know who Ethan Embry was and looked all over his IMDB and was like, okay, I’m waiting for something that I’ve seen. But I thought I had seen Cant Hardly Wait. I don’t know what I was confusing it with. And this is going to drive me crazy is what movie was I confusing Kent Hardly?

Laci (00:01:58):

Well, it’s got to be not another teen movie.

Matt (00:02:00):

No.

Laci (00:02:00):

I mean, they use this movie as the model to do that entire

Matt (00:02:03):

Movie. No, I think this whole era of movies goes into not another teen movie.

Laci (00:02:08):

I mean, I know that that’s the point of making those movies is that there’s so many of them. But I’m saying the actual format, I mean, they always choose … Not another scary movie follows the scream format and they add in tropes from others. So same thing. This is the template.

Matt (00:02:25):

Oh, okay. I gotcha.

Laci (00:02:26):

Yeah. It’s the framing device.

Matt (00:02:28):

I gotcha. So we are of course in the midst of sex month where we’re talking about the sexiest

Laci (00:02:33):

Movies. I’m so horny.

Matt (00:02:35):

All the time, Laci, we’re married to each other. We live with each other, see each other a lot and she’s always like, “I’m just so horny.”

Laci (00:02:41):

Hong honk. You imagine when I’m squeezing. It could be any of four things.

Matt (00:02:46):

And so of course we’re breaking down the most sexiest movies ever made.

Laci (00:02:52):

The loin trembling movies that are pre-marital sex time.

Matt (00:02:59):

50 shades of gray last week. And then we were going to do American Pie this week and then Laci said, “No, let’s do a movie that’s actually about sex Can’t Hardly Wait.”

Laci (00:03:07):

I mean, America Pie is absolutely about sex, but Air America Pie is well traveled. And I think Can Hardly Wade is one of those ones that get a little lost because I mean, there were so many of these kinds of movies at the same time. It’d be easy to lose track, but Can Hardly Wade was more of a movie I felt attached to. I felt like it had … I don’t know that you think of her as a main character, but it follows a girl that I related to. And I don’t know. I feel like so much about the movies that came out around now were from a boy’s perspective mostly, which is fine. They’re funny, but this one just had more heart to me.

Matt (00:03:47):

Yeah. And so it stands out because it’s rated PG-13. When you said it’s a movie that’s actually about sex, I assumed it would be like a raunchy sex comedy. Oh. It’s not at all. And American Pie sinner sex, but I think that it’s good that we did this movie. I’m glad I enjoyed it. And I think that it gets to a few ideas about when you’re a teenager and you build up sex versus the reality of what it’s actually like. And so when we pair it with 50 Shades of Ray, we have sort of the four corners of sex. We have BDSM, we have teenage sex on a bathroom floor. Next week we’re going to do Hell Raisers. So we’re going to do horror sex and then we’re going to conclude with Show Girls, which is just a straight documentary about what sex is actually.

Laci (00:04:27):

Look at my butt hole. I’m Jesse Spano.

Matt (00:04:30):

In a pool.

Laci (00:04:30):

I guess I did think this movie was more about sex, but I feel like the central story, the one that I like the most is about the bathroom sex and about a person whose main mission is he gots to get laid or whatever the hell it is that he’s saying. And I think that it’s interesting that there’s only one virgin in this, I mean, one announced virgin in this entire movie. And you don’t know that going in. You don’t know that this is not like a prom night. We’re all trying to … We got to finally fuck our high school girlfriends because now we’re not in high school anymore and we can’t have left that. But I think by like minute 15, you understand these are all sexually active teens. And I like that they don’t make a big deal about that. And I like that Jennifer Love Hewitt clearly has had sex, but again, it doesn’t mean anything about her.

(00:05:20):

She’s just a normal teen who’s been in a long-term relationship, had sex.

Matt (00:05:23):

It’s

Laci (00:05:24):

Not really touched on.

Matt (00:05:25):

American Pie is about the conquest of having sex and then it’s like, we did it. And now the story has ended. This movie, they have sex halfway through and then it keeps going. And that’s interesting.

Laci (00:05:33):

And it’s also interesting because I’m pairing it with SLC Punk because that’s a movie I’m watching for a club and both of these movies are dealing with right after graduation. So that just happened to happen. But like this weird limbo of like, wait, yeah, you’re the coolest guy in school and now you’re at this party. Wait, we don’t go to school anymore. It’s just such an interesting year, two years where you’re like, “What do I even care about anymore?” And then the ultimate little fish or big fish in this pond hoping to make a big splash in the next one and realizing like, “Bitch, there’s a lot of you. There’s a lot of Mike Dexters in college.”

Matt (00:06:19):

Right. So this is from that era of classic teen movies, the ’90s, which was itself consciously hearkening back to the classic era of teen movies of the ’80s. And so in the history segment, we’re going to kind of track the teen movie itself, a genre that I feel like has kind of gone … It kind of doesn’t exist anymore. So every episode of the podcast, we have two components. Part one is the history section. Part two is the movie discussion. On YouTube, on video, the only thing we have up here is the history segment. But if you’re listening on your RSS feed, wherever you get podcasts, you can look at the episode description, see the timestamps, skip around to the part that most interests you. The movie discussion is part two. You got to subscribe to the podcast to get all of it.

Laci (00:06:58):

It’s free.

Matt (00:06:59):

It is free, yes. It’s

Laci (00:07:00):

So much content. What number episode is this?

Matt (00:07:03):

189. Can

Laci (00:07:03):

You imagine how much we talk?

Matt (00:07:05):

Oh, there’s so much.

Laci (00:07:06):

Oh.

Matt (00:07:07):

You got your year covered for listening. So now let’s get into history of what’s this movie? Can’t hardly wait. I almost said she’s all that. Can’t hardly wait. The teen movie came of age in 50s America, not long after the concept of the teenager was born. The idea of an intermediate stage between childhood and adulthood with its own peculiar characteristics was still new when Marlon Brando dawned his biker jacket in the wild one and answered, “What are you rebelling against with? What have you got?” I’m reading here from The Guardian from its history of the teen movies in 2009. “Saint changing social attitudes and a booming post-war economy fed into the emergence of teenagers. Middle-class parents who had weathered the depression and the war wanted their children to have full educations uninterrupted by work or military service. As a result, young people found themselves with larger allowances and more free time.

(00:08:24):

The dramatic possibilities of this stage of life, marked by rebellion, angst and young love, quickly became evident to movie makers. “So

Laci (00:08:31):

That’s how you get rid of a shitty teenager. Put them in a coal mine. I never really thought about it.

Matt (00:08:36):

Oh yeah. For most of human history, you get a teenager, that’s an asset. You couldn’t put them to work. Pick up a plow, boy.

Laci (00:08:42):

Then don’t you dare be a tall nine year old.

Matt (00:08:44):

Yeah. And so when you think about teen movies, they are overwhelmingly white. They’re overwhelmingly middle class. Yes. And class sometimes is an element of movies in the ’80s. John Hughes often tackled it, but it kind of disappears. We’ve talked about that when we talk about movies like Tin Things I Hate About. But let’s skip past the early- It

Laci (00:09:05):

Is. Well, I’m sorry, but it is a big part of Bring It On, which I love the movie Bring It On. I

Matt (00:09:09):

Haven’t seen Bring It On Since Theaters, but people love that. So let’s put it on- I love whenever we talk about team movies.

Laci (00:09:15):

All right. Well, but the whole struggle in that movie is about classes that the white girls in a very affluent area steal all of the black schools dances and go on to win championships with them while the black school girls don’t have the money to enter these competitions. Otherwise, they would never win anything. And that movie hinges on that.

Matt (00:09:40):

When you do a sociological look at a school and the social dynamics, what you’ll actually find is like, oh, the popular kids are the ones with the money and the unpopular kids are not. Movies don’t want to reflect that. They want to be like, everybody’s on an even footing.

Laci (00:09:54):

Okay. But I mean, in the ’90s era of scene movies, they absolutely fell squarely into the trope of like, we need at least one Black best friend here. I mean, Clueless, it’s in Bring It On, it’s in this movie. There’s always the token. You

Matt (00:10:08):

Know what though? I was impressed with this movie. Had a bunch of black

Laci (00:10:11):

People.

Matt (00:10:12):

A lot of black characters, yes. And the movie does not, there’s no token black character because there are a lot of black characters. And the movie’s doing the very basic thing of like, “Hey, we expect you to be able to tell the difference. There’s multiple black characters.”

Laci (00:10:26):

Well, in fact, Seth Green is being the one who’s acting like whatever a stereotype might be of a certain person. And then you’ve got all kinds of black people acting all kinds of ways, the way that they tend to do

Matt (00:10:40):

Throughout

Laci (00:10:41):

The movie.

Matt (00:10:41):

Which is great because you can have a black character like the one who-

Laci (00:10:46):

Who’s really into old memories and

Matt (00:10:48):

Sharing them? Memories, yes, because black is not a personality type, white, it’s not a personality type. We all just have personalities.

Laci (00:10:54):

And I like that this movie made room for two. Not cool, but good looking black men, like the guy in the band. I mean, the fact that those two are there, it’s obviously a call back to Clue Lewis and Scrubs that they’re both in the same band on the whole time fighting and stuff, and they’re a little too old to be there.

Matt (00:11:15):

A callback to Scrubs?

Laci (00:11:16):

Yeah, the show where they’re both in it, right?

Matt (00:11:19):

No. Well, that show didn’t exist yet and only Donald Tayson is in Scrubs. Oh, I

Laci (00:11:24):

Always always do that. I always confuse the two white kids, a white boys.

Matt (00:11:28):

Yeah. No Zach Braff in this movie. Every single other actor of his generation is.

Laci (00:11:32):

God, is there? I mean, the tiny cameos of literally every actor from this time is in this movie.

Matt (00:11:40):

So yeah, the category of the teenager, I’m sure this is overstated, but it comes into being as a marketing category in the 50s in America and the sort of post-war economic boom that happens in America and the other rich Western countries. Now you have some disposable income, you’re going to go to college, you’re not going to go off to the war, you’re not picking up a plow. So you got more stuff and more time and now we’re going to market products specifically for you. And there’s like your rock and roll high school movies in the 50s and 60s, the Beach blanket movies. But yeah, we’ll just skip to the 80s where you have your John Hughes movies, your Brat Pack movies, say anything. And I think this is really where we get the modern idea of the teen movie, which is-

Laci (00:12:24):

The 25 year old at high school movie.

Matt (00:12:27):

Sure. Yes. And I think it’s- Well,

Laci (00:12:29):

Don’t forget about Animal House and Porky’s. The American pie of their day, like the John Hughes was like the soft side. You also had the raunchy. Yeah,

Matt (00:12:39):

But those are college. Those are college kids.

Laci (00:12:42):

Porkys? Are you sure?

Matt (00:12:43):

Yeah, I think Porky’s is. I

Laci (00:12:45):

Mean, I know Animal Houses, but that’s still like, I feel like subbed in for … And maybe they had to make them a little older so it could be about sex. And PCU, those are like the raunchier ones.

Matt (00:12:56):

The teen movie, which you separate from a horror movie. There’s other genres, but here just the straight teen movie, which usually just means straight teen comedy. I guess that’s your glory. Your glory age is the 80s. And then it seems like it goes away and then comes back in the late 90s. And Can’t Hardly Wait was conceived as like, can we bring back that kind of movie and specifically …

Laci (00:13:21):

Where does it fall in the timeline of these movies you have on the screen?

Matt (00:13:24):

Yeah. So I mean, I was trying to figure out when does this Renaissance start? I think it starts with Clueless in 96. She’s All That is 98. Tin Things I Hate Abou You is 99. American Pie is 99. Bring it on 2000. Varsity Blues. I think Varsity Blues is 99, but I just watched Varsity Blues for the first time. And it’s funny that these movies, they have to be comedies. But they’re not.

Laci (00:13:46):

Varsity Blues is known as a drama.

Matt (00:13:48):

But it is, and that’s what I thought. You watch it. It’s a comedy. It has like puke jokes and shit jokes. It’s also a melo drama and a sports movie, but it is like, well, teens aren’t going to go see this movie if it isn’t a fart comedy.

Laci (00:14:00):

See, I feel like Say Anything is known as a drama. I feel like Pretty and Pink is known as a drama.

Matt (00:14:05):

Yeah. I did say it’s exclusively comedy. But the idea here with Can’t Hardly Wait is the party scene and Say Anything. They wanted to make the whole movie out of the party scene. I was trying to figure out why did this genre go away? Why did the teen movies go away? When did it end? Maybe it ended with Mean Girls in 2004.

Laci (00:14:25):

Super Bad. I feel like Super Bad gave it a resurgence though, but it’s like because of the most popular characters from Super Bad, I don’t know, they were just already old. I feel like that crew kept making movies. They just weren’t teen movies.

Matt (00:14:41):

Right. And the audience for Super Bad I don’t think was just teenagers. I think that what I’m talking about is like Hollywood realizes there’s an audience of teenagers that go to the movies every Friday night, will make movies for them with big budgets and it’ll just be another kind of mainstream movie. And this morphs into something

Laci (00:15:03):

Like movies. It has to be the loss of the mall. It has to be the loss of the mall or just the idea of hanging out at a cinema for when before your drinking age, where do you hang out or places where you can and not get in trouble. And it’s the movie theaters attached to the mall is the reason why they go to the movies all the time. I think you start to lose the mall and then you start to lose teens access or like long-term exposure to being in proximity of a theater. When I was 19 and working in a mall food court, Friday and Saturdays were horrible because it was just teenagers everywhere and they trickle up and down to the movie theater, but that’s not why they were there. So that’s my guess.

Matt (00:15:47):

I think that, yeah, that has to be a part of it, that as mall culture and sort of just the decline of the suburbs, the movies go with it. The industry just sort of changes away from making small movies at all and making comedies at all. But then I also think the Disney Channel plays a big part in it. I think that now there’s like a cable channel that’s huge. Now everybody, every middle class has the Disney person has the Disney channel. It’s making products specifically for like tweenagers and stuff. And it has the next generation of actors who would be in teen movies, but it keeps a leash on them and says, you can’t be in raunchy stuff. So your Hillary’s Duff and your Miley Cyruses, when they’re not playing their Disney channel characters, they have to be in G and PG rated movies.

(00:16:31):

Maybe that’s it.

Laci (00:16:32):

Zindea broke that mold then.

Matt (00:16:34):

And then Netflix makes a lot of teen movies. But there are certainly movies you can point out that were big. You’re just

Laci (00:16:41):

Saying that there aren’t theater movies anymore that are teen movies.

Matt (00:16:45):

Yeah. And there’s not like a movement that you can point to. There’s just sort of individual movies you can pick out.

Laci (00:16:50):

I think for sure it’s just a mobility thing. Yeah. We have access to … There’s still a want for them. That’s why they’re on Netflix. We can get them there.

Matt (00:16:58):

We don’t

Laci (00:16:59):

Need to ride to Netflix.

Matt (00:17:01):

So the history of Cant Hardly Wade Itself, I’m using as my primary source of 2018 oral history from the ringer. The author is Andrew, Greta Daro, link in the description. This is a very good oral history. So it means I’m going to read a lot. But the writer/director team of this movie is Harry Alphonte and Deborah Kaplan. They had just written a very Brady sequel the year prior, and then this marked their directorial debut. They would only go on to direct one more movie, Josie and The Pussycats. Have you seen that movie Laci? I

Laci (00:17:29):

Remember it being bad, so that’s why they didn’t keep going. I don’t remember

Matt (00:17:32):

Being very good. It wasn’t a hit. No, it’s a good movie. I watched like 30 minutes of it the other night. It’s a very funny movie. Seth Green and Breckenmeyer and Donald Faison are the boy band in that movie, so they’re bringing back all their pals. It’s a very subversive movie. It’s all about … There’s ads in every single corner of the screen and it’s a movie about advertising and subliminal advertising.

Laci (00:17:53):

I had no memory. I think I lumped it in with the Spice Girls. I’m so sorry.

Matt (00:17:57):

Yeah. They write Surviving Christmas and Leap Year and Made of Honor. So they’re the team behind this movie. They conceive this movie from the ground up, reading from the oral history, “When Harry Alphonte and Deborah Kaplan writing partners in their late 20s who had just finished the script for 1996 is a very Brady sequel were trying to come up with an idea for a movie. They could both write and direct. They asked themselves one question, What could we do if we wanted to make a movie for as little as possible?” “Okay, well, we have a house or an apartment and we have a lot of young actor friends who are unemployed, “Kaplan remembers thinking like young, Elphonte ads. A lot of them played high schoolers and we thought we should do a throwback to John Hughes. And we also talked a lot about Say Anything, specifically the party scene.

(00:18:43):

And then we were like, ” What if that’s the whole movie? “And

Laci (00:18:47):

Then Super Bad just stole that idea. I mean, didn’t steal it, but it’s such a good idea that yeah, you can just make a whole movie around one night.

Matt (00:18:54):

American Graffiti is one night movie.

Laci (00:18:57):

Book smart.

Matt (00:18:58):

Yeah. It’s-

Laci (00:18:59):

Prom or cockbluckers.

Matt (00:19:01):

Yeah. It’s a classic idea of the genre. One crazy night. “Can’t hardly wait was originally titled The Party and Alphonton Kaplan had structured it so that all of the movie’s main characters, Preston, Mike, William and Kenny, were friends and Preston was meant to fall for his best girlfriend, Denise. The story wasn’t coming together though. It just didn’t feel like we were reflecting enough as a whole, “Elphont said. It felt like just a subsection of the high school experience. It wasn’t until they had the idea to break up the characters and turn them into representatives of relatable high school archetypes that things fell into place. “What if the characters don’t even really know each other,” Alphonte says, remembering his and Kaplan’s Eureka moment. “And when I’m watching this movie, which I don’t know anything about this movie when I watch it, I know it’s a one crazy night at a party movie and the movie’s going along and we have Ethan Embry as Preston and we have Denise, his best friend who’s a girl.

(00:19:55):

I’m like, ” Oh my God, come on. Obviously, I’m pining for Jennifer Love Hewitt when my real love is right here. The movie’s a little smarter than that. It knows that you know that and it’s going to swerve. “And I was delighted when it swerved away from that.

Laci (00:20:09):

It’s my favorite part.

Matt (00:20:10):

And I think that in smashing two unrelated characters together, which that also is just a great idea.

Laci (00:20:18):

I love that she doesn’t … He’s been … Popular people are kind of like the movie stars of their school and people know you whether you know them or not, and that happens. And then if you put two good looking popular people together and they become this power couple, well, now people definitely know you because it doubles that. So whenever she’s searching around for press and she doesn’t know who he is and that girl is like, ” Oh, he was only sitting right next to you and freshmen live. “This girl remembers the seating of a class from four years ago. And you do kind of feel like, ” Yeah, Jennifer, how come you don’t know that? “And you’re like, ” Wait, that’s fucking four years ago. “And then she’s just asking around the party. But

(00:21:02):

Yeah, I could see not knowing who he is. I mean, especially if you’re … I could relate to this movie because I was in a four-year relationship all through high school and you do miss a lot. You’re insulated by their friends, by whatever drama you’re going through, you’re growing up too fast, but you’re also being sheltered at the same time. You’re not involved in school activities the way you would be if you were just more a part of the school community rather than,” This my boyfriend, this is his friends. This is my boyfriend. These are our friends.

Matt (00:21:29):

“Yeah. I wasn’t in a four-year relationship in high school. I was just withdrawn and not participating in anything. So I wasn’t aware of any of these things. I was then in a four-year relationship in college with a woman who went to high school with me and she was also not plugged or was not popular or anything, but knew so much more about our school and the people who went to it. And I remember just off-handedly she referred to somebody from our class, our class of 1,200 or whatever and said,” Yeah, she was the most popular kid in school. “And I said,” I’ve literally never heard of this person. You just made this person up. “And she’s like, ” You’re insane. Everyone knows this person. “And this is years after high school when she’s saying this, but she’s like, ” No, I’ve never heard of that person.

(00:22:12):

I have no idea who that person is. “But what-

Laci (00:22:16):

You were Denise.

Matt (00:22:18):

I was a Denise. What I love … And Denise and Seth Green are the best part of the movie I think are so much more interesting than the actual A story of the movie of Preston and Jennifer Love movie. Oh,

Laci (00:22:28):

Absolutely. I don’t even know why we’re supposed to care. I think that’s the red herring of like, ” Okay, we’re going to follow this around because the fate and this and oh, it’s so dreamy. “And I think it’s supposed to be a little bit like, this is how a high schooler would think of these things. Yeah.

Matt (00:22:43):

And it’s such a letdown that then the movie ends with like she wrote him a letter every day of high school which felt like-

Laci (00:22:50):

Of high school.

Matt (00:22:51):

Of college, sorry.

Laci (00:22:52):

No, she wrote him a letter every day he was away. What I forgot is that he’s not going away to college here. He’s going away to a workshop put on by Kurt Vonnegut

Matt (00:23:04):

Just

Laci (00:23:04):

For a couple weeks.

Matt (00:23:05):

Yeah, but then he’s going to attend that university in the fall.

Laci (00:23:08):

That’s not what the movie says.

Matt (00:23:09):

It does.

Laci (00:23:11):

Yeah, but that’s not what the little script said. It was like she wrote a letter for every day he was away and then they got back together and they’re still together. I think they just meant this one trip he was on, not college. We’ll have to

Matt (00:23:25):

Solve it. That’s all fucking letters. We’ll have to solve that dilemma in the fucking movie discussion. But I don’t know. I feel like the movie had been observant about high school realities and would end on a more realistic note than this dream couple is still together

Laci (00:23:41):

To this thing. It was still playing to its audience who weren’t ready for that kind of thing yet. The happy ending or what make people watch it over and over over again, I assure you. It still bums me out that Mike and …

Matt (00:23:55):

William.

Laci (00:23:55):

William don’t get a happy ending.

Matt (00:23:58):

The thing that it captured that I don’t know I’ve seen in a ton of other movies is this thing I kind of forgot about because it doesn’t exist when you’re not in school anymore is you know people, especially if you’re with, if you’re like going to the same schools with these kids for years and years and years, is maybe you were friends with someone at one point or just like I talked to them in class, now it’s seven years later and there’s like … I remember I would sort of have like … I had a class with him two years ago. I still have to like say hi in the halls. Has it been long enough that I can stop saying hi in the halls? Because it’s going to get exhausting to just say hi to every sort of person you know. So it’s like you still, you act like you don’t know people anymore, even though you do know.

(00:24:41):

And these characters call it out, Denise calls it out. We stop talking to each other and there was no indication that they had a prior relationship.

Laci (00:24:49):

Okay. But the prior relationship that Denise and he had was a longstanding entire childhood one that only stopped at junior high.

Matt (00:24:58):

Okay. That’s different. There’s all kinds of different evolving dynamics of we may have been close when we were younger. We’re not anymore, but we still know each other, but we’re going to pretend like we don’t know each other.

Laci (00:25:09):

Well, right. Well, and because usually there’s like a slight and it’s usually because one person’s trying to social climb and the other person can’t or doesn’t want to. And that’s exactly what happened here and because he has money and she didn’t. And so there’s a little bit of class stuff in here too. Plus she’s a redhead. Perfect, pretty and pink moment. And it makes all kinds of sense that you needed to sit at the popular table and I didn’t have enough money to even try.

Matt (00:25:35):

The ringer article says that Scream was such a huge hit in 96 that that created the demand for teen movies and Alphonte and Kaplan packaged, they wrote their script, they get producer Betty Thomas. They get Betty Thomas as a producer. She’s the director of the first Brady Bunch movie of Private Parts, previous episode Private Parts, Dr. Doolittle, a major director, but they sign her on as a producer and they get a budget of $9 million. And at that budget, they are able to get the green light with themselves as directors, a big feat for people who only have one screenplay under their belt. But the biggest standout thing about the movie is the cast, how deep it is, how many famous people there are, people who are already famous, people who will go on to be famous, people where you see them in the movie and you don’t know if … Is that a cameo or is that just somebody who isn’t famous yet?

Laci (00:26:26):

I mean, fricking Siegel and like … Jason, Jason Siegel. And I just watched SLC Punk and he’s a fucking main person. It’s funny. It’s funny how those things happen, but it’s like these throwaway moments to these huge people.

Matt (00:26:43):

The filmmaking team said that the project was very hot at the time because these teen actors, they need work. They want stuff to do and Hollywood’s not making teen movies, but they also know we’re going to have a few major roles and then otherwise characters are going to get a few seconds of screen time, but we really need them to pop with every scene they’re in. Brecken Meyer was an established actor at the time. He was dating Deborah Kaplan. He was very instrumental in corralling a lot of his friends, including Seth Green.That’s why Seth Green and Breckenmeyer are in so many movies together. And those two and Donald Faison would be in the boy band and Josie and the Pussycats. For the lead role of Preston though, they end up with Ethan Embry, a man of unknown providence to me. They said, quote- Pose her ass.

(00:27:31):

“Well, I know I’ve seen Empire Records. I just don’t remember it. I don’t remember who he was. “Alphonte and Kaplan certainly weren’t imagining Embry when they wrote Preston, an affable, romantic, perhaps somewhat stalkery teen who’s convinced that Fate has finally smiled on him when he hears that his longtime crush Amanda Beckett was dumped by her jock boyfriend, Mike Dexter. By then, Embry had already played a bunch of weirdos, most notably the kid who had Banks DeGuar and slams pot brownies in Empire Records. Nobody saw him as a leading man when he came in to read, says Elphonte. They cast Peter Fasenelli because when he auditioned, he started off his audition by doing pushups and they’re like, ” That’s our my Dexter. “Breckenmeyer was intended to play Kenny, Kenny being the Seth Green role. And Seth Green was going to play William, The Nerd, which Seth Green always played nerds in the 90s and he had just been in Austin Power and Buffy the Vampire Slayer and the It TV mini series.

(00:28:29):

He’s like one of the most established people in the movie. But yeah, he’s going to play the nerd. Brecken Meyer’s going to play Kenny, the wannabe gangster, but Breckenmeyer has a scheduling conflict so he can only take the cameo role as the member of the band and that opens up the role for Seth Green.

(00:28:45):

For Denise, they considered Christina Ricci and Reese Witherspoon, basically every single actress of this era. They

Laci (00:28:52):

Chose correctly.

Matt (00:28:53):

They saw Lauren Ambrose’s audition tape and they said,” We knew right away, “the casting for Cant Hardly Wait ran on instinct. Alphonte and Kaplan knew what they were looking for. And so they see her and they’re like, ” Yes, of course she’s perfect. She’s basically Molly Ringwald right now. The role of Amanda was always intended for Jennifer Love Hewitt. She was a known name because of the TV show Party of Five and they cast her, but then while they’re producing the movie, I know what you did last summer comes out in theaters and becomes a big hit and she becomes a major star thus her top billing in the movie. Mid-production, they had to recast the role of William.

Laci (00:29:32):

Oh, and they gave it to the guy from Hook.

Matt (00:29:35):

I was going to ask if you knew him from Hook. Of course.

(00:29:38):

They had cast actor Adam Handbird and they realized as it’s going along, this just isn’t right for him. He’s not going to be able to belt out Paradise City and let his hair down. “It was hard, Kaplan chimes in. I remember before shooting, Betty Thomas said something like, ” You know what you could do is you could fire somebody The first day so the people know not to fuck with you. And we’re thinking, “We’re not going to do that. ” And then we had to fire the most tender, wonderful person that couldn’t have been a worst person to fire. Now this makes the cast incredibly on edge. Emma, I going to be next? But no one else got fired. They ended up getting that kid from Hook. And what about Bob? Charlie Korsmo who had left acting, but he just decided like, “Maybe I’ll start auditioning again.” And he gets this roll and he’s very funny.

Laci (00:30:25):

Yes. I use my second favorite part.

Matt (00:30:28):

They didn’t actually rent a house and have a three-day party. They shot on a soundstage over a month, but they said the shoot went very, very smooth, especially considering these are first time directors. They specifically credit Betty Thomas being on set as making things very professional and she’s very helpful, hands on. Producer, and I want to do the Brady Bunch movie on the podcast. The

Laci (00:30:51):

Sequel or the first?

Matt (00:30:52):

The sequel was a bigger one for me, but it makes sense to start with the first one. All

Laci (00:30:57):

Right.

Matt (00:30:58):

Which before I had ever seen the TV show, The Brady Bunch, and I didn’t know it was spoofing it or anything. It’s one of those things. Yeah. They also give a huge amount of credit to the costume designer, Mark Bridges, who went on to do movies like 50 Shades of Gray. And won an Oscar for Phantom Thread. Did The Veilmans, Licorice Pizza, just one of the big costume designers in Hollywood.

Laci (00:31:19):

I love, and that makes a lot of sense because they’re all in this one outfit the whole time, so it has to just be perfect to what their personality is. And there’s one scene that sticks with every awkward girl or maybe just owl people. It’s when Denise takes off her jacket and then puts it right back on again. It’s just people always mention that scene and anytime it happens, you think about this movie because you’re like, “Yep, that’s an awkward party

Matt (00:31:43):

Move.” Yeah. Okay.

Laci (00:31:45):

I’m uncomfortable. Maybe now I’m too revealed.

Matt (00:31:48):

This is the key. This will unlock everything. Oh no, it won’t.

Laci (00:31:51):

Right. No, now everyone sees my shirt and I have to hold a jacket. Fuck.

Matt (00:31:54):

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Things everybody has experienced in life, but you never realize other people also know what this is. Right. When Seth put on those goggles in that jacket, it was a hat on a hat on a hat. It was so much and yet it worked. The whole thing, it’s just noise. It’s brilliant. End quote. All right. So the shoot was smooth. The movie comes out at the box office and it does not do well.

Laci (00:32:18):

Oh. $25

Matt (00:32:19):

Million, not terrible, but they- Where

Laci (00:32:20):

Is it sandwiched between what two movies?

Matt (00:32:23):

So She’s All That is that year. I know what you did last summer is that year. 10 Things I hate about you is the next year. American Pie is the next year. But it tested really well. The studio had really high hopes for it and they spent a ton of money on the soundtrack. As you’ll notice if you watch the movie, there’s a famous song playing throughout the entire movie.

Laci (00:32:42):

Yes.

Matt (00:32:43):

Ethan Embry. “Ethan Embry still blames the lackluster numbers on the fact that the final product was slightly sanitized so that the movie could get a PG-13 rating. In truth, many things were edited out. Characters on drugs. Jason Siegel not being just watermelon guy, but having a sexual relationship with said watermelon and a character played by-

Laci (00:33:03):

They would have fucking done that before American Pie did that?

Matt (00:33:07):

Oh, fucking a fruit. Yeah.

Laci (00:33:08):

Damn. Oh,

Matt (00:33:09):

They’d have fucked over American Pie.

Laci (00:33:11):

Fuck.

Matt (00:33:12):

Anna character played by Jennifer Elise Cox called Drunk Crying Girl, whose lines were all subtitled. Oh. “They did it to Empire Records too,” Embry said. “They never even released that shit in the theater and then Cant Hardly Wait opened up and forth. Of course it did. The irony is most of the stuff Elphont and Kaplan were forced to cut would probably fly today. Asked if he felt any anger when movies like American Pie and Super Bad kicked off a wave of successful raunchy teen comedies in the decade after Ken Hardly wait. Ember replies,” Absolutely. You fuckers.

Laci (00:33:46):

“Thank you.

Matt (00:33:47):

I did not know this movie was PG-13. Yeah, I was expecting a very raunchy sex comedy. Like so many of these movies that we cover, it’s real life begins on home video and cable.

Laci (00:34:00):

Which makes sense. Why my attachment?

Matt (00:34:03):

“It had a whole life on home video and TV,” Alphonte says. We’d meet people who graduated in 98 or around then and they’d say, “Oh, that was my movie.” That was when we realized we kind of did what we wanted to do, which was we made a high school movie that kind of really connected with that generation. Yeah, you have these filmmakers who maybe grow up in the era right before home video who don’t understand what a big deal it’s going to be and how that’s actually how these things live on.

Laci (00:34:26):

Well, and the movie came out at a perfect time for me too because I’m thinking about what it’s going to be like to be these characters in a couple years because I graduated in 02. So yeah, you end up getting that whole four-year swath of people, I would think.

Matt (00:34:41):

The creators of the Simpsons always talk about like, “Oh, and this aired on Sunday night and we were up against this whatever.” And it’s like, you don’t realize 99% of the people who are going to consume this are going to see it in reruns at like 9:00 and 9:30 after Friends or- Right,

Laci (00:34:56):

But it’s just like when you release an episode of a podcast or put anything on social media, it’s those instant numbers that make you think like, “Okay, I put all this work into it and it’s taking off. That was the right thing to do. ” And then all of a sudden you get a video that jumps up by a thousand views after its fifth day on YouTube. I’m speaking from experience and you’re like, “Oh, I didn’t even know to be excited about that one.”

Matt (00:35:16):

Yeah.

Laci (00:35:17):

It’s just you need that instant reassurance of like time sunk equaled good job.

Matt (00:35:24):

We have these quotes from these people who make movies and they’re like, the studio, yeah, they released us. They can tell you exactly what the other five movies were that came out that weekend and they’re still bitter about it 40 years later. Because yeah, to them, it’s like that was our one shot. We poured two years of our life into this and opened us up against this movie and that was

Laci (00:35:43):

Bad. So if these two directors want to go direct something else, if it’s three years later and you then see what a big popularity spike it had on the video, do they not roll that in? Does that not count?

Matt (00:35:56):

I think it does. Yeah. Quote, “Over the years, slowly, gradually.” It’s just one of those movies that said Staying Power says Peter Fascinality and Peter Fascinelli and people

Laci (00:36:08):

Kept-That’s a Freudian slip because you love him. You’re very fascinated by him. Isn’t that him?

Matt (00:36:15):

By Dr. Carlyle Cullen.

Laci (00:36:17):

Yeah.

Matt (00:36:17):

I am very fascinated by him, just the weirdest man. And people kept watching from different generations. I mean, my kids have watched that movie.

Laci (00:36:26):

We’re doing this movie on a perfect day too, because I don’t know if you know this, but it’s Rex Manning Day in

Matt (00:36:30):

Real life. It is. Happy Rex Mann

Laci (00:36:32):

Day, everybody. So it’s Empire Records his birthday. Well, not really. It’s just the movie. It’s just the day that they’re having an Empire Record since that movie is all about one day.

Matt (00:36:39):

Oh, Rexy.

Laci (00:36:40):

You’re so sexy.

Matt (00:36:42):

Quote,They did a screening at Hollywood Forever Cemetery in 2015 says Alphonte. They had, I don’t know how many people. I want to say a thousand, but it really played and people were really into it and clearly knew the movie. It was like, okay, I guess people genuinely do like this movie. I guess this is real. Movie will cover in two weeks. Show girls also had that happen to it. Also at Hollywood Forever Cemetery. They’ll have these cemetery screenings where thousands of people-

Laci (00:37:05):

People who like show girls love it. I mean, I will not pass up a copy in the wild that I do not buy at a thrift store or whatever. It just needs to be preserved.

Matt (00:37:15):

And sometimes you bring home actual show girls and I’m like, Laci, another one. Where

Laci (00:37:18):

Are we going to put all these feathers?

Matt (00:37:20):

So that’s the history of Can’t Hardly Wait. We’re going to discuss the movie. If you want that, look in the episode description or you know, you’re listening to the podcast

Laci (00:37:28):

And keep going. I don’t know who, sorry, who this song is by but Love Struck Romeo. I love Struck Romeo. Okay. I just want to point out that they use that song in both Empire Records and in this movie at a similar point. I just think that’s odd. That was odd. At Dire Straits. Odd to do. Right, because it’s a cool song. It’s a cool, sad … It’s okay to be sad to this song You’re Cool.

Matt (00:37:55):

And a song from 1980 to then appear into late ’90s movies.

Laci (00:38:00):

With Ethan and Breon screen While It’s Happening.

Matt (00:38:03):

Yeah. And he’s listening to like- And he travels with

Laci (00:38:04):

That song.

Matt (00:38:06):

It’s in his writer. Okay. Yeah, this character, he’s a little soulful, which means he’s not just listening to the music of the moment.

Laci (00:38:13):

Right. It wouldn’t capture what he … Because he’s also Barry Manilow. Exactly. The songs that follow him are vintage and he wears vintage clothes. He is a soulful, more fashionable, thoughtful, worldly man.

Matt (00:38:29):

The timeliness of music is interesting to think about. They play Paradise City in this movie and everybody’s like- It’s cheesy. Right. But that song was 11 years old at the time.

Laci (00:38:39):

Right. It’s just perfectly enough. It’s not retro. It’s not campy. It’s just like, oh, come on. I knew that when I was a kid. That makes me feel weird that I know all the words. Take me down to that and you can’t help it. And you do all knew all the words. Yeah. It’s just that part where like, this is not yet retro. This I can’t believe I loved this. Right.

Matt (00:38:55):

But like when I was 13, me and all my friends were obsessed with Nirvana who were also 10 years old.

Laci (00:39:00):

That’s not fucking fair. Nirvana is different. That is different.

Matt (00:39:03):

Guns and Roses is also …

Laci (00:39:05):

No, those guys are still alive. The fact that he died makes it a way fucking cooler. Plus Grunge had really a more brief moment than hair bands.

Matt (00:39:14):

Okay. All right. Laci has the final word on that.

Laci (00:39:18):

Okay.

Matt (00:39:56):

All right. Can’t hardly wait. Can’t hardly wait for graduation. That’s a bad title for the movie, right?

Laci (00:40:01):

It is. Yep. Any sentence. I’ve tried to put into words what makes a bad title, but I guess a phrase. But then bring it on is great.

Matt (00:40:11):

I mean, that’s a specific phrase to the thing they’re doing in the booth.

Laci (00:40:14):

Right. Can’t hardly wait is can’t hardly wait for what?

Matt (00:40:17):

Yeah, for what?

Laci (00:40:18):

Everybody seems to be glad something’s over. They couldn’t hardly wait for graduation. Yeah, it’s just like a throwaway title. I think it’s part of what … I always think bad titles fuck movie’s over, but what do I know?

Matt (00:40:35):

If people like the movie, then it’s just like, well, that’s the movie’s title. It’s Can’t Hardly Wait. But it probably does have an effect at the Box Office.

Laci (00:40:41):

Well, yes, especially when you can’t name the thing that you want to go see. I know this movie by heart and it’s ingrained, but I am the exact type of person who would be switching this around with all kinds of things. Ten Things I Hate About You was not one of my movies and neither was Ten Things I Hate About You. And then what’s the one- She’s All That? No. It’s another one with 10, I think. But it’s with Matthew McConaughey and … How to Lose

Matt (00:41:15):

A Guy in 10 Days.

Laci (00:41:16):

How to lose guys. He’s right. So I would combine those and say 10 Things I Hate About a Wedding, which is neither of those

Matt (00:41:21):

Movies.

Laci (00:41:21):

But I always thought that was a movie.

Matt (00:41:24):

Yeah, but they should make that movie. Well,

Laci (00:41:26):

27 Dresses, 10 Things I Hate About You, made of honor and How to Lose Guy in 10 Days. And it’s 10 Things I Hate about a Wedding.

Matt (00:41:33):

If Hollywood still functioned like it did back when they used to make things in this goddamn country, Laci could just march into a Hollywood executive’s office and be like-

Laci (00:41:41):

A good idea.

Matt (00:41:41):

Yeah, it’s made of honor, meets 10 things I hate about you, How to Lose a Guide in 10 days, meets whatever else you said. And they’re like, “I love it. Here you go, kid.”

Laci (00:41:48):

It’s Love Actually two.

Matt (00:41:49):

Yeah. These happy days and you’re just holding up money bags. Oh yo, then man. Yeah, can’t hardly win.

Laci (00:41:56):

25 needle drops. Certified hit. All right. Can’t hardly wait.

Matt (00:42:00):

And just like 50 Shades of Gray, this is all about a graduation and they’re all naked under their gowns.

Laci (00:42:07):

Just one person is naked under his

Matt (00:42:08):

Gown. A lot of people are naked under their gowns. There’s

Laci (00:42:10):

Only one person.

Matt (00:42:11):

I tracked a couple.

Laci (00:42:12):

No, Matt

Matt (00:42:13):

The whole time. I mean, the captions, these people get numbered. Person number one, person number two. Yeah, but

Laci (00:42:18):

It’s person number one and person number two talking about this one guy naked under his gown. I know

Matt (00:42:23):

This thing. I guess I have to defer to Laci because she knows this movie backwards and forwards. But Christian Gray is up there giving an inspiring speech about the future and I’m leaning forward in my chair because I’m hearing some chunky power chords. Oh yeah. And everybody’s

Laci (00:42:39):

Buzzing. It’s about to get crazy.

Matt (00:42:43):

There’s a huge party tonight. Huge party night. Yeah, it’s going to be a huge party tonight. Huge party? Yeah, it’s huge. Okay. Also, Mike Dexter broke up with Amanda. Mike texted up with Amanda. So yeah, a lot of people naked under their gowns and buzzing about this news. Imagine having a graduation outdoors where we live. It’s May and you just have to bake in the sun for five hours.

Laci (00:43:04):

That’s so true.

Matt (00:43:05):

Preston, our hero, Ethan Embry, hears this news and he’s like, “Hey.” And then everyone throws up their hats. It’s like they’re celebrating him and this great new development. Okay. But this is what we do on the podcast is we go through the movie, through the plot, but I think we’re going to have to kind of segregate it by character here because it’s an ensemble and they’re all doing their own things. So first, we’ll talk about all these, our main characters. We got Preston. We got Denise. She’s the best friend who’s a girl and she’s kind of …

Laci (00:43:39):

She’s on the outside.

Matt (00:43:40):

Future plans. They have this theme.

Laci (00:43:42):

Preston is a person who sees people, takes a special guy to see Denise. He sees

Matt (00:43:47):

Her. He sees her and he participates in this school, but he’s in the literary journal. He loves Kurt Vonnegut. He’s going to Dartmouth. His favorite quote is from Henry David Thoreau.

Laci (00:43:58):

If he were an SLC punk, he would be the Jason Siegel character. In that, he doesn’t have to put on a uniform. He’s just himself and that’s punk rock.

Matt (00:44:09):

Is it?

Laci (00:44:09):

I think that people just know him because he stands out because he’s good looking, but different. He’s not like every other boy. He’s a pick me boy.

Matt (00:44:19):

Even the movie puts up their yearbook photo with their quote and the things they participated

Laci (00:44:24):

In. I was wondering how you’d feel about the quote part. I think they do a good job with the quotes.

Matt (00:44:31):

Yeah, I think it’s a good idea. Why don’t you think I would like it?

Laci (00:44:34):

I really wasn’t sure which way you’d go with it.

Matt (00:44:36):

I think it’s a good … All movies should do this. Tell me what the character’s favorite quote is. What would

Laci (00:44:41):

Your quote be?

Matt (00:44:43):

In high school, my yearbook quote was- No,

Laci (00:44:46):

That’s not what I’m asking.

Matt (00:44:47):

Well, I’m just going to tell you anyway. It was very good. From Homer Simpson, I wanted all the terrifying glows, the dizzying highs, the creamy middles. Still proud of that.

Laci (00:44:57):

I find it gross.

Matt (00:44:58):

Did you have a quote?

Laci (00:44:59):

I was not in the yearbook as a senior. I had to go to summer school, but a semi senior. I am in black and white in my senior high school yearbook. All the seniors are in color with quotes. Thank you for bringing it up.

Matt (00:45:11):

Did you think about what your quote would be?

Laci (00:45:12):

No. I wonder what it would be now. I’m sure it’d probably be Boondock Saints or something stupid. It would definitely been Will Ferrell or Jim Carey. It’d be something funny. It’d be something we’d be like … Remember that?

Matt (00:45:27):

Yeah. Ryan Osvars is asshole. Something like that. Yeah. So, okay.

Laci (00:45:32):

It probably would’ve been like I love Lamp, which I still think would be funny. I’m laughing now.

Matt (00:45:39):

Amanda Beckett has just broken up with Mike Dexter and- Mike

Laci (00:45:43):

Dexter broke up with her. This important

Matt (00:45:45):

Distinction. Sorry. They are broken up and he broke up with her. And it’s big news and Preston’s like, “Oh my God, I can’t believe it finally. It’s like the fights are shining upon me. ” And Denise, she’s heard it all before. She’s doing a good job of not making fun of him, but also is like, “Oh, here we go again.”

Laci (00:46:04):

Well, because he’s probably only said it four times, right? It seems like it’s a million, but how many opportunities does he need to … He’s busy. He’s doing other shit. He’s going to Dartmouth. It’s not like the entire time he’s been thinking about Amanda Beckett. He just has this letter. It’s this little pet project and wouldn’t you know it? Just when his calendar clears a little bit on this important day, he gets to bring it up again. And I’m saying all this because I don’t think he’s annoying. I don’t think he’s supposed to read as annoying. I think he’s universally liked and known. I think he’s a floater. And I think you get that sense from the party. He is not a dork.

Matt (00:46:41):

Ethan Embry’s performance improved for me the second time I watched it, which now as always, it’s one day later since we recorded our history segment. I did like him a lot more the second time around. I still don’t buy the relationship with Jennifer of Hewitt, but this guy certainly exists. Exists. It’s just that it’s a little more pathetic than the movie is putting on that he has never even spoken to this woman and has just been pining for her for four years.

Laci (00:47:08):

It’s creepy, but this was what we were told we should want. I mean, Romeo was outside of Juliet’s fucking balcony yelling at her. It’s like the epitome. You want to be pursued and chased. Women are supposed to stay in one place and wait for someone to come get them. So it makes total sense why this would be what we wanted. Boombox outside the house. Now we understand it’s way more healthy for the woman to have some say so and some agency and to not just be standing around waiting for somebody like this. It’s not sad that Amanda is alone at the party. She should just be talking to new people, but we had not evolved yet.

Matt (00:47:43):

But at least in say anything, they did have an actual relationship and connection and a preexisting thing. And here there’s nothing.

Laci (00:47:49):

I got you. But this is like the most romantic thing someone of the age to watch this movie would be thinking about, that they are just this special, amazing angel to someone. They just don’t know it yet.

Matt (00:48:01):

Just

Laci (00:48:02):

Wait. I can’t hardly wait.

Matt (00:48:04):

And what wins her over is like, someone likes me. Wow. Well,

Laci (00:48:07):

It’s not just that someone likes me. It’s that he writes in there that he thinks there’s all kinds of things people don’t see in her that he does. He’d understand she’s more than just being the popular girl. And she’s sick of being … She doesn’t even know if she’s anything more, but at least he seems to think so.

Matt (00:48:22):

Yeah. And they do have a connection because the first time they ever met each other, which they didn’t meet, but the first time they were in the same room, they were each eating one half of a strawberry pop dart. How about that? The sequence where they are in a room together for the first time freshman year, it’s a flashback sequence. Yeah. We don’t see Jennifer Love Hewitt’s face. It’s hidden behind books and stuff. The directors of the movie said that Betty Thomas, the producer-

Laci (00:48:44):

Producer, got

Matt (00:48:45):

It. … said she knew that they could handle the job of directing, because remember this was their first time directing. She said, “Storyboard this sequence for me, ” meaning literally produce-

Laci (00:48:55):

How do you see it?

Matt (00:48:56):

Yeah, make me visualize it. And they showed her and like, “Okay, I think you can handle it. ” And I do think this movie’s really well directed, really confidently directed for first time filmmakers.

Laci (00:49:06):

And you follow every story super clearly. They tie in neatly. It’s not super hacky. There’s not too much breaking. There’s breaking of the fourth wall shirt, but it could be real sloppy, real easy. In fact, doing something really simply is actually very hard.

Matt (00:49:22):

Right. You’re right, because there is the moment where he’s breaking the fourth wall and talking to the camera and his flashback.

(00:49:28):

And I did have that sinking like, oh, is this going to be the whole movie? Because this is what happens when people make a movie for the first time. I want to do everything I’ve ever wanted to do. I want to pull out all the tricks. Don’t keep those tricks in your bag. It’s more effective if you just pull out a couple. So the teacher is like, “So this is Amanda’s first day. She’s played by Jennifer Love Hewitt. Who wants to volunteer to be her best friend and walk around the school with her and show her the school?” And he’s about to raise his hand, but then Mike Dexter is like, “I’ll do it. I’m cool Mike Dexter.” And he says, “That’s where I lost her, but Fate has finally given me a second chance.” Go back to the present. Denise is … She’s heard all this before from crazy old Preston.

(00:50:12):

Now knowing that the movie is not heading in the direction of she is in love with Preston and he realizes that he’s actually in love with his best friend, it’s nice to just observe a platonic heterosexual phrase.

Laci (00:50:26):

I got you. So you’re saying that by this time, the first viewing, you still weren’t sure where this was going. Oh yeah. Okay, got it. Yes. I think that these are nice subtle performances that read as real.

Matt (00:50:39):

Yeah, they do. They do. And I think I was assumed that that’s the direction it was going is, oh, I’m in love with my best friend actually, because they’re building up the Jennifer Love Hewitt as like, she’s not a real person. You just hold her on a pedestal, but I’m a real person. I’m real. And he’s like, “You’re right, I’m real.” But knowing where it goes, watching them together, I’m like, “Oh, this is a very good portrayal of a guy and a girl are best friends. They’re not attracted to each other and they can root each other’s romantic conquests on. “

Laci (00:51:08):

Yes.

Matt (00:51:09):

So they’re going to the party, Mike Dexter and the cool bros. They

Laci (00:51:13):

Are so old. This is a fucking Budweiser commercial. There’s something about this table of people and I’m like, “Oh, I can smell their old spice.” They’re such boners too. They’re all just … Man, there must be slim pickings and friends. You can be a football person and be handsome and have muscles and also not talk like this. This is probably this group of guys and then the group of girlfriends are the most unrealistic thing about the entire movie. But I mean, I know they’re just supposed to fill in me super girl. Ha ha ha.

Matt (00:51:50):

Yeah. I think it’s okay to have … You can have layers of characters. These are the more grounded characters. These are the elevated more cartoony characters. And I actually really like the group of friends, both the guys and the girls. And I love … What happens here is Mike Dexter, who’s the leader of this pack of guys, they each have a girlfriend, a long-term girlfriend. He’s like, “I’m fucking sucking my girlfriend. I’m ready to just get lots of pussy.” And they’re all like, “Dude, bro, that’s awesome.” And he’s like, “You should all break up with your girlfriends too.” And they’re all like, “Agree.” Yeah,

Laci (00:52:19):

Totally. Right. And we’re used to just saying when Mike Dester says, “We’re his yes man. Right. But he’s too stupid to notice when we don’t do it. “

Matt (00:52:27):

And I love whenever a story, when people don’t stick to a pact. Everyone agrees, like Zack, “We ought to deal.”

Laci (00:52:33):

Do you like the resetting of the pack at the end when they all reset?

Matt (00:52:36):

Yeah, because they’re just going to unreset again. You know it.

Laci (00:52:40):

Mike Texter is an easy man to distract him.

Matt (00:52:43):

Yeah. And they even say at one point to him, it’s like, “We don’t always mean what we say, man.”

Laci (00:52:48):

Right, right, right. You don’t always leave a lot of room for us to disagree, man.

Matt (00:52:51):

Yeah. So they’re all going to break up with their girlfriends.

Laci (00:52:53):

We don’t really have conversations, dude, bro. We have you talking at us and us agreeing, or then it gets weird.

Matt (00:53:00):

Then we meet William. William Lichter. He’s a freaking nerd. He’s in French club, Spanish club, dead romance languages club. His quote is, “All great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds, but he has his two best friends who love the X Files.”

Laci (00:53:17):

And then in their own right, they are also the group of guys, group of girls. They are a dense puddle of trope for him to spring from. And the only main characters in this movie that don’t spring from a puddle of trope is Denise and Preston because they each get their own storyline, but they’re loners and that’s why they end up together. Preston’s a loner who’s friendly, who people like and he doesn’t have to be alone, but he’d just rather be. But he just needs his one person. They’re both easy to please just in very different ways. He can go off and be social. This doesn’t piss off Denise. She can go home and not be social. This is not piss off Preston. Hence, neither of them are really a trope at all.

Matt (00:54:00):

And maybe they take that inspiration from say anything, because I watched the party sequence of Say Anything

Laci (00:54:06):

And

Matt (00:54:06):

It made me think, “I haven’t seen that in years. It’s such a good movie.” I mean, it’s sort of the fantasy of that movie is everybody would like to be Lloyd Dobler where he’s not a jocker or anything. He’s kind of your floater kid, but everybody at the party’s like, “I just love Lloyd Dobler. Oh, you’re so lucky. Yo came to the pottery with Lloyd Dobler. That rules. That’s so good for you. “

Laci (00:54:25):

He’s just a kindhearted, good enough looking, doesn’t say stupid shit, helpful. They’re walking that line and that’s what Preston is.

Matt (00:54:34):

And she is that way too in saying anything like, how’d you get … I forget her. I forget what her character’s name is. How’d you get her to go, Diane? How’d you get Diane to go out with her, to go out with you? And he’s like, “I called her.” Yeah, I think there is that fantasy of sort of nerd, but not outcast. The kind of person who would grow up to work in Hollywood.

Laci (00:54:53):

Well, interesting. Interesting and doesn’t embarrass themselves and is nice. It’s a hard thing to do. And you need to be a certain amount of good looking or it just doesn’t work.

Matt (00:55:05):

Well, and honestly, this is the kind of person I was, was like, I was just shy. I was just shy, but my move was always, I’d surprise people by … I would’ve sang Paradise City sang my heart out and people would be like, “Really, this guy?”

Laci (00:55:18):

Yeah, but you’re not nice.

Matt (00:55:20):

I’m nice. I’m helpful. I’m

Laci (00:55:21):

Helpful. I don’t offer to do things. You don’t join clubs.

Matt (00:55:25):

Yeah, that’s true.

Laci (00:55:26):

That’s the difference. Preston is out there. He puts himself out there. He gets involved. He’s probably in- I wouldn’t do that. That’s the difference.That’s how you get around the whole school and faculty and students knowing your name and liking you in a general way. Oh, I like that guy. Oh, I like that guy. They’ve never met you. What good is the fact that you know how to do

Matt (00:55:43):

Things? So I did do the newspaper. Newspaper was a thing that did force me out of my shell and make me go interact with people all around the school.

Laci (00:55:51):

For sure. Oh, okay. Yeah. Yes, I can see that. But then go seclude yourself and write about them.

Matt (00:55:59):

And by write about them, it means write movie reviews of movies I haven’t seen. Passion of the Christ, three stars.

Laci (00:56:05):

Pretty passionate. A lot of Christ.

Matt (00:56:07):

So their plan is like, okay, so William has been tormented by Mike Dexter for years and years, and he’s finally going to get his revenge on him tonight by having these guys-

Laci (00:56:16):

Heather’s him.

Matt (00:56:17):

With chloroform.

Laci (00:56:18):

But Heather’s him. But this is the exact thing that they do in the Heathers is like what? They stage gay stuff. I don’t remember. And then kill the jocks. And then that’s why the dad’s like, “I love the big gay son.” Because yeah, they’re not just … I mean, I might be speaking out of my ass, but they’re not just killed. They’re also put in sexual positions.

Matt (00:56:38):

Here they’re not going to be killed, but they are going to be knocked out and put in sexually compromising positions with other jocks and they’re going to have their photos taken. Oh my God. It’s going to be so embarrassing. But to do this, William has to infiltrate the party and be like, “I’m an attendee of this party. Everything’s normal.”

Laci (00:56:52):

I love how quickly he assimilates. You’re like, “Oh, this is going to be him getting made fun of no matter what. He can’t fit in. ” And then he just has beer and he’s like, “Social anxiety gown.” If only he had had some medicine during high school.

Matt (00:57:08):

Right. And I love anything, anytime in a movie or TV show where alcohol is the solution to a problem, because you know what? It often is, there’s a reason people drink.

Laci (00:57:16):

Correct.

Matt (00:57:17):

Seth Green is Kenny. He’s Kenny, okay? He’s Ken. He’s just Ken. He’s at the convenience store with his friends. Now here’s the thing is he talks in a black scent. A black

Laci (00:57:25):

Scent,

Matt (00:57:26):

Correct. Picture

Laci (00:57:27):

Me Roland is his quote.

Matt (00:57:29):

Guilty of cultural appropriation. It’s not okay. For

Laci (00:57:32):

Sure.

Matt (00:57:32):

He’s canceled hardcore.

Laci (00:57:33):

Well, also he has a lot of money. Denise brings up that he’s got money and you would need money to dress like this.

Matt (00:57:41):

So

Laci (00:57:42):

He’s doing it wrong. He’s appropriating from a very big, even more advantage than your average appropriator in high school.

Matt (00:57:51):

And he just hangs out with a bunch of white kids who are also doing this. It’s not like he’s doing it to fit in with black people.

Laci (00:57:56):

Oh, correct. And he’s not even respected by his own group. He probably just funds a lot of things. He does have money. So you got to think some of these, because these friends don’t like them. They make fun of him as soon as he walks away. So you got to think the bond is just- Oh,

Matt (00:58:12):

That’s a good point. We

Laci (00:58:13):

Dress similar and this guy pays for our snacks.

Matt (00:58:16):

I

Laci (00:58:16):

Remember in high school, you just needed a friend that could give you a bag of chips every now and then. And that was a great friend to have. I would never ask for it, but if they were giving him

Matt (00:58:25):

Out. Now this is a great little detail that you only notice when you watch the movie a second time and you know where it’s going. Well, one, his yearbook photo says his future, he’s going to UCLA, which is a prestigious school. It’s hard to get into UCLA. Also very expensive. This movie seems to take place in the Northeast and he’s like, “Damn guys, look at the Playboy. It says 92% of UCLA honeys are sexually acting.” So he is smarter than he’s putting on an act. He’s not a dumbass just because he is bound for UCLA. And he’s like, “You know what? I better have sex tonight. I think that’s what I’ll do. So I’m going to buy a lot of condoms and a comma sutra and a fragrant candle.”

Laci (00:59:10):

All the 16, 17-year-old ladies need the most lube. They’re so dry downstairs famously.

Matt (00:59:17):

And the party, the party begins.

Laci (00:59:19):

And they like complicated sex for the first time. I want all of the positions. The reason I haven’t had sex yet as me a girl in high school is because no one knows how to do it upside down.

Matt (00:59:31):

Yeah. But I mean, I think this is certainly how I thought of sex before I ever had sex was like-

Laci (00:59:35):

What?

Matt (00:59:36):

Oh, just had no idea what it was actually like. And I was like, I guess I’ll need 35 condoms probably.

Laci (00:59:42):

Oh, because you’re a precumber, just a ton of precum.

Matt (00:59:47):

Just a ton of precum. Yeah. Yeah. So you got to get a lot of them. I bet a double bag.

Laci (00:59:51):

Every time it drips in, you got to change out the baggie.

Matt (00:59:54):

And the party begins. Now, I never went to a party like this. I mean, do parties like this even exist? Did you ever go to a party Like this.

Laci (01:00:00):

Okay. This is a weird caveat, but not an indoor one. For some reason, every party I’ve ever went to, it was outside. It was at a house and you go in to paint and snacks, but there was never a party where you go all over the house, but you’re not supposed to in these parties either. Upstairs is always where people end up, but you’re not supposed to.

Matt (01:00:19):

These parties from movies where people are having sex in parents’ bedrooms and stuff, I

Laci (01:00:23):

Wonder.

Matt (01:00:24):

Well,

Laci (01:00:24):

There’s always someone in charge of the beer too. And I’m like, there’s never a keg guy at any party. You just get a keg and then you self-serve. But in every party and a movie for teenagers, there’s someone in charge of the keg and they’re sitting by a spider perched on it.

Matt (01:00:41):

There’s also, just like Say Anything, there’s somebody who’s in charge of getting keys because I guess the Hollywood sensors are like, we need to show that these are responsible. Key guy, Preston and Denise pull up and they’re listening to the classic rock station that he’s always listening to and it’s Mandy by Barry Manilow. He’s like, Mandy’s short for Amanda. That’s it. That’s a sign. That’s a sign. She’s like, I think that song’s about his dog.

Laci (01:01:03):

Another thing this movie does to just fill in the blank spots, to subvert your expectations, to add new layers to the characters you think you’ve just met. By way of meeting the archetypes and their friends, you think you already know something about the main characters. By meeting Mike Dexter, we think we already know something about Amanda Beckett. And by meeting William and his friends, we think we know what William’s going to do. All these things. But the thing with Denise and Preston is you just know them. So as soon as they’re in there, they’re assaulted by Clarissa explains it all. Melissa Jonhart, who is a cheerleader type I know. I won’t say names because you know them, but I know this person, not to this extreme. And she was hotter, so she got away with stuff. But I was a cheerleader and that’s because I really have spirit and I actually really love you guys.

(01:01:56):

Sign my yearbook. I’m going to get everyone to sign my … But you’re tempted to say this person doesn’t exist, but I

Matt (01:02:02):

Don’t know. Oh no. Yeah.

Laci (01:02:03):

I know like a 50% to this person. But anyway, she is not as cool as Denise and Preston. And you don’t expect that going in. This is a cheerleader. She’s coded as cool, but she’s not. It’s just another weirdo.

Matt (01:02:18):

And the movie understands it is a little sad to still be like shouting about how much you love your school when you graduated today. This isn’t your school anymore. Come on, man.

Laci (01:02:24):

Well, and to have brought your yearbook with you to this party where you’re supposed to be kind of letting go and to the only one who gets every single senior to sign her yearbooks. Yeah, but you won’t know these people tomorrow.

Matt (01:02:36):

Yeah, but I think- No

Laci (01:02:36):

One will see this yearbook. Your accomplishment will go unseen. I

Matt (01:02:40):

Think she’s going to be happier than anybody else in this movie as an adult. I think she’s going to- She knows what she wants.ate this environment wherever she goes. She’s the person in the office who’s really excited about the parties at the office.

Laci (01:02:50):

I think she’s going to get taken down a peg and that’s sad.

Matt (01:02:54):

Oh, and so the going into the party Inside Out by Eve Six’s play, and that song will always make me bop. Oh, I like this song. And- Put

Laci (01:03:04):

It up and just pretend.

Matt (01:03:06):

I love the girl who’s hosting the party, who’s super stressed out.

Laci (01:03:09):

Who gets more and more disheveled in her way she looks. Yes. That becomes a trope. I mean, this movie might do it the biggest besides not another teen movie, but I know that’s a person. There’s always the, “Well, I shouldn’t have had this party person.” It definitely happens in mean girls.

Matt (01:03:30):

Who are these parents who are like, “Hey, your mother and I are going out of town the night of your graduation.”

Laci (01:03:35):

Drive fucking assholes. They deserve this.

Matt (01:03:38):

And then William and his nerd friends, they’re ready to spring their trap. They’re going to hang out by the pool house and then they need to send William in. They’re like, “All right buddy, you’re going to need to fit in. That means you’re going to have to drink alcohol.”

Laci (01:03:47):

William.

Matt (01:03:48):

I hope I don’t get addicted. They’re

Laci (01:03:49):

So sweet. William.

Matt (01:03:51):

This is kind of how I viewed alcohol until I was 17.

Laci (01:03:55):

Okay.

Matt (01:03:56):

One sip and you’re addicted.

Laci (01:03:57):

Totally.

Matt (01:03:59):

Mike Dexter arrives. I’m Mike Dexter. Who’s going to fuck me? And everybody’s like, he’s here.

Laci (01:04:05):

Yeah. He thought, well, now that I’m single and unattached, everyone’s going to be all over me. She’s been holding me back this whole time. It’s like, eh, she’s been anchoring you and making you seem like a human. She’s been the only thing that curves your dickishness is that this nice, pretty person seems to like you.

Matt (01:04:23):

The three girlfriends, one of them is Jamie Presley, who’s in on another team movie. Who’s

Laci (01:04:28):

Hot as shit.

Matt (01:04:29):

And who looks so much like Margot Robbie.

Laci (01:04:31):

I say when we see her. Yes. But this movie is when I thought it the whole time.

Matt (01:04:36):

They are supposedly Jennifer LoveHewitt’s best friends. And then Jennifer Love Hewitt arrives. This is our first look at her. And they’re like, “Okay, we need to talk to you, Jennifer Love Hewitt, Amanda.” And they go in and they start talking to her, “How are you doing with the breakup? Oh, he doesn’t deserve you. You’re beautiful. You’re Gwyneth.”

Laci (01:04:54):

And just having the most superficial conversation that … She’s obviously smarter than them, obviously deeper than them. But it’s pathetic, Amanda. This is how you spent four years. Who did you speak to? What did you do with your brain? Lovely. I love that you’re above this and this isn’t deep enough for you and you’re looking for connection. But shame on you for not doing more during fucking school.You’re such a follower. You need so much to be with. Shame on you. I’m so mean. Shame. Shame. But for how disgusted she is this whole party, it does make me wonder, were you asleep?

Matt (01:05:34):

Yeah, she is asleep. And she actually continues to be in the movie because she just-

Laci (01:05:39):

Wonders.

Matt (01:05:39):

Wanders and sits by herself.

Laci (01:05:41):

Gets disgusted, gets happy. I mean, she’s a person who’s just waiting to join a cult. She’s like a seeker. She’s just waiting for the next person to blow by her. “Oh, nice half cousin. Let’s play the piano. Let’s have a deep conversation. We’ll spend the whole party doing this for some fucking reason. You want to kiss me?

Matt (01:05:57):

“Yeah, because what does it say on her card? Future plans, unknown. And then what’s the card at the end of the movie say? He went away. She wrote him a letter every day he was gone. Just waiting. Right. She’s like a lady at the lighthouse.

Laci (01:06:09):

Can hardly wait. That’s why her hair is so big because if you smoosh her against the guy, it makes a copy of her like a newspaper. She’s ready to be moldish. The

Matt (01:06:21):

Shroud of Turin. I saw the Lord Christ.

Laci (01:06:24):

She literally imprints, or they do.

Matt (01:06:27):

She does, yes. Her

Laci (01:06:28):

Hair is big.

Matt (01:06:30):

And for how much attention her boobs get … They seemed bigger deal in Heartbreakers. That has been boobed.

Laci (01:06:39):

Well, also her last … Jennifer loved huge tits. I mean, it just goes together.

Matt (01:06:44):

Remember in Sister Act two when her name comes on screen and it’s Jennifer, quote love. Right. I

Laci (01:06:50):

Don’t know if she’s going to keep this part.

Matt (01:06:53):

There’s a moment that I didn’t pick out the first time I saw the movie where Denise sees Kenny acting a fool across the room and she nudges press and like, look at that dorkus. I kind of wish that wasn’t in there. I liked when I saw the movie the first time and it’s a total surprise that she knows him because then Preston says like, ” Huh, Junior used to sleep over at his house a lot.

Laci (01:07:13):

“Yeah, but you can ignore that. I mean, you didn’t notice it the first time. So what does it matter if you knew it the second time? You can ignore it or notice it, I think.

Matt (01:07:23):

It’s like when you mishear a song lyric and then you find out the real lyric and you’re like, ” Oh, I like my lyric about her. “Because I think it works better that it’s a surprise that they have any prior relationship to each other at all.

Laci (01:07:34):

All right. But it works for me that he looks over and points or they look over and point and look at him because Kenny is always getting made fun of. He’s ridiculous. He does not know how to just be himself. He’s completely afraid to be that, but so he’s delusional and just thinks people are into this because he’s got a couple of friends he kind of pays for.

Matt (01:07:56):

Yeah.

Laci (01:07:57):

So yeah, I buy that he is a person known to everyone at the school just because of how ostentatious he is.

Matt (01:08:04):

When he walks into the party, everyone’s looking at him as scants. What’s he even doing here?

Laci (01:08:08):

Wondering what he’s going to wear, wondering why he’s being so loud.

Matt (01:08:11):

But now Preston’s like, ” Denise, this is where I leave you. You’re going to be okay by yourself. I’m going to go pursue Jennifer Love Hewitt. “And she’s like, ” Yeah, no problem. “But now she too is a drift, doesn’t know where to put her hands or sit, her butt

Laci (01:08:22):

Or anything. Or how to use the jacket, but is happy for anyone who does sit next to her and wants to talk. It just never goes right. But it wasn’t her idea to go. She’s supposed to be a wingman and she’s kind of doing it to support him just in case this goes wrong. He can come find her. So it’s not as pathetic as Jennifer LeFewitt’s character who’s like, ” I’m here now. You’re right. Someone guide me someplace. Someone take me. “Denise is there to anchor and Jennifer love. Amanda Beckett is

Matt (01:08:54):

Adrift.You’re right. Denise is fine if she’s sitting by herself when we do. That’s what she wants. It’s not going to do anything to her.

Laci (01:09:00):

Right. Well, Amanda is a Macy’s Day balloon that’s been let go.

Matt (01:09:04):

Oh no. This

Laci (01:09:07):

Is a shame to let this go to waist right. I’m a giant garfield. Uh-oh. There

Matt (01:09:12):

Goes funky winkerbeam.

Laci (01:09:14):

I’m bouncing by your window better. Get me.

Matt (01:09:17):

We have the fun thing with the guy who starts remembering hardcore all over Preston. Preston, you remember the time we went on the field trap that was Fred.

Laci (01:09:25):

Shit, your pants and it came out of your pee hole.

Matt (01:09:29):

And you threw up into your backpack. He says this right in front of Amanda. And then Amanda walks away and he’s like, ” Dude, why’d you have to say that? “But

Laci (01:09:36):

She’s smart. She’s amused. She’s not stuck up. We’re learning little things about her as we go.

Matt (01:09:42):

You know what? Nobody’s actually going to be disgusted that they hear that six years ago you threw up. In

Laci (01:09:48):

Your backpack though, and then you kept

Matt (01:09:50):

It. And I still have it. No,

Laci (01:09:52):

And the teacher’s like, ” Whose is this? “So now Amanda is talking to her half cousin. Second cousin. Second cousin, sorry. And he’s being quite a great trope. This character is absolutely in 10 things I hate about you, being the model guy. He has these vibes, this suave like, ” Let me play piano for you. I know how to act sensitive when I want to get into the panties. Why don’t you just talk to me and just pour it out, Amanda. “With

Matt (01:10:20):

The very strange twist that starts off,” I camp. Are you okay? I heard you broke up with Mike Dexter. I’m sorry. Mike Dexter broke up with you. I can’t believe you didn’t tell me. After all, we’re family. All this while he’s planning to try to make a move on her.

Laci (01:10:33):

“Right. And

Matt (01:10:34):

Then she and me is like, ” Second cousins. Okay. I mean, second cousins is still-

Laci (01:10:38):

But it’s funny. It flips, right? Because it’s like she doesn’t find the connection close enough to confide in him. And then when he goes to kiss her, she doesn’t find the connection unconnected enough to kiss him. So it’s like she flips it. No, we’re neither close enough and we’re too close. Get the fuck away from me.

Matt (01:10:55):

But I mean, second cousins is like if …

Laci (01:10:58):

By marriage.

Matt (01:11:00):

Which is later, which means that it’s a step there. I was trying to diagram this.

Laci (01:11:03):

Right. So you have to give me somebody from my role. Okay. Who’s an actual cousin of yours? No, that I can’t use yours. No,

Matt (01:11:12):

I’ll tell you exactly what it is.

Laci (01:11:14):

Wouldn’t it be like or to me?

Matt (01:11:17):

It would be too … Is a step cousin. A step second cousin.

Laci (01:11:24):

Oh, that’s way too close.

Matt (01:11:26):

I know. That’s why I said it’s closer than you think. Our second cousins.

Laci (01:11:31):

Not cool.

Matt (01:11:31):

Wait, no, they’re not. They’re just cousins. Fuck. They’re

Laci (01:11:33):

Just cousins.

Matt (01:11:33):

If they had children.

Laci (01:11:35):

Oh, okay. Once they have children, then that’s it.

Matt (01:11:38):

Yeah. So it would be … If I had a child, if you had a stepchild, that stepchild would be second cousins with-

Laci (01:11:45):

Okay. I’m still blown.

Matt (01:11:46):

Yeah, that’s too close.

Laci (01:11:48):

If you attend Thanksgiving and Christmas at the same place and not just family reunions every five years,

Matt (01:11:55):

Too close.That’s not good. Although you know what? Who cares? Just do it. When does it matter?

Laci (01:11:59):

I don’t know.

Matt (01:12:00):

What’s going to happen?

Laci (01:12:01):

I mean, you’re already going to the same place for Christmas and Thanksgiving, right?

Matt (01:12:04):

Yeah. Two words. I explained to her what happened to my lovely cousin, my beloved cousin. She’s like, “The problem is, just like high fidelity, I’ve changed and he hasn’t. He’s still the same guy he was in freshman year. He still likes to moon the drive-through workers.” That’s a

Laci (01:12:20):

Close up ass when you think about it.

Matt (01:12:22):

Why didn’t you break up with him? Because if I wasn’t Mike Dexter’s girlfriend, then who was I? Because she joined this. She was a newcomer to this school. This brought her identity and fame and notoriety.

Laci (01:12:33):

She was nothing special at her old school, which I can believe. You’d grow a lot in the summer of ninth grade and all of a sudden Mike Dexter thinks you’re hot. And it happens the first moment of the first day that you’re there.

Matt (01:12:47):

Wow, you’re a really good listener. He’s like, “Yeah, I know. ” And then he goes into kids and she’s like, “Wait, what the fuck now? Second cousin’s by marriage.” But as this is happening, Preston then walks into the room and sees, oh no, she’s kissing somebody and he walks away very sad like Charlie Brown.

Laci (01:13:01):

But notably he does not call her any names or disparage her in any way. That’s true. That’s a good point. Yes. He doesn’t think he owns her. He just keeps thinking he keeps missing his timing. Thank you, Matt.

Matt (01:13:12):

That’s a great

Laci (01:13:13):

Observation.

Matt (01:13:15):

The other three of Mike’s friends have not actually broken up with their girlfriends because they actually really like their girlfriends. And their girlfriends really like them.

Laci (01:13:21):

Super fucking hot and they’re sexually active teens.

Matt (01:13:24):

Yeah. They’re like, “Okay, why’d you go fuck my hot girlfriend tonight?” And Mike’s like, “Dude, but we had it packed.” And they’re like, “Okay, look, we were going to break up with them, but then Beth’s dad got us tickets to see Pearl Jam.”

Laci (01:13:36):

Right after, right after. When is it, August?

Matt (01:13:39):

I love that. So we’ll do it right after and that’s three months from now. And then the guy says the line I love. Sometimes we say things we don’t mean. All right. Seth Green, he’s trying, he’s made a list of 10 honeys who he can fuck. He’s sure that one of these will convert. None of it seems to be working out, but then he hears a girl behind him who’s like, she found out her boyfriend cheated on her. So she’s like, “I’m going to hook up with the next guy who talks to me so that Jason finds out. ” And then Seth Green goes, “Bah, bah, bah, bah, bah, bah, bah, bah, bah, me. ” And she’s like, “Yeah, okay, you’ll do. You want to meet me in the pool house?” And he’s like, “Yes, absolutely. Just give me a moment to go ready myself in the bathroom.”

Laci (01:14:20):

What was he going to do? I mean, I guess your breath, but check that on the man, stupid.

Matt (01:14:25):

Well, striking

Laci (01:14:26):

Why.

Matt (01:14:27):

Yeah, he’s a fucking idiot.

Laci (01:14:28):

Yeah. So put the Jimmy hat on? No, no, I don’t do him.

Matt (01:14:31):

And that he’s afraid of having sex.

Laci (01:14:33):

Right. Do I double back? I don’t know where the girl’s been. She’s been with Jason.

Matt (01:14:36):

There’s a huge line to get into the bathroom. And so he goes and tells the girl who’s hosting the party, ask her, “Is there a bathroom somewhere?” And she’s like, “You’re not allowed to yell at it. Oh, and who’s been defacing my family portrait?” And he’s like, “It was that fucking foreign exchange student.” She’s like, “Ooh, okay, you can use the upstairs bathroom.”

Laci (01:14:55):

And then as he’s trailing off, but he does hear it. It’s not that trope. It’s not the, “Oh, he doesn’t hear that the door’s broke.” He hears it. That’s why he leaves the door cracked. And because it’s cracked is why Denise thinks she can walk in it. Airtight. Right. But she doesn’t hear that message because she snuck upstairs to get in. And then she is taken aback literally when she sees him air comers-

Matt (01:15:18):

Yeah, just trying out

Laci (01:15:19):

Things. Just giving it a whirl. And so it’s a believable back into the door and all fuck. It’s locked.

Matt (01:15:26):

And when I’m watching the movie for the first time, this is the first time I thought, oh, okay, this movie’s a little different than I thought it would be. It’s like something you would do in season three of a TV show is smash two characters together who haven’t had any scenes together, but this is instead 20 minutes into a movie. But now, okay, this is a different movie than I thought it would be. And these are the two best actors in the movie and now we get to actually see them give real performances and she starts making … Whatever the hell she thinks she sees him doing, you were humping the air or whatever. And he’s

Laci (01:16:00):

Like- You’re playing with yourself.

Matt (01:16:01):

But yet information, there is a Superman honey downstairs.

Laci (01:16:05):

A Superman, honey?

Matt (01:16:06):

Yeah.

Laci (01:16:06):

A super mad honey.

Matt (01:16:08):

Superman. This is what the subtitle says. I know,

Laci (01:16:10):

But it’s wrong.

Matt (01:16:11):

Who is dying to have sex with me?

Laci (01:16:13):

Wait, I don’t think you should be using a black sin, Matt.

Matt (01:16:15):

I’m using a Seth Greenson.

Laci (01:16:17):

Oh, okay.

Matt (01:16:18):

Oh, it

Laci (01:16:18):

Smells delicious.

Matt (01:16:19):

Well, we cut down to the Superman, honey, and she is now making out with Jason. She’s like so sad. Super

Laci (01:16:23):

Mad, honey.

Matt (01:16:25):

And let’s just take a look at one eclipse.

Speaker 3 (01:16:30):

Damn woman, why you got me such a raging bitch?

Speaker 4 (01:16:33):

Oh, please listen to you. Look, there’s a mirror right there. Why don’t you take a look, okay? You’re white.

Speaker 3 (01:16:41):

What’s that supposed to mean? I don’t always talk like that.

Speaker 5 (01:16:48):

I guess you’re okay then.

Speaker 3 (01:16:49):

What about you? Huh? What about you, Ms. Antisocial? Miss walking around just, I think I’m so much better than everybody

Speaker 5 (01:16:56):

Else. I do not think I am better than anybody. Anyway, what do you care what I think about you, okay? Pretty much haven’t spoken to me since sixth grade.

Speaker 3 (01:17:08):

Hey, you stopped speaking to me.

Speaker 5 (01:17:11):

Okay, whatever.

Speaker 3 (01:17:12):

Damn, you got Noah. You have no idea what you’re talking about. You don’t even know me anymore.

Matt (01:17:23):

I think if you looked at anybody who had a falling out and made them talk to each other six years later, they’d be like, “No, you stopped talking to me. ” I think that’s how every single falling out kind of works.

Laci (01:17:33):

Okay. But she does prove that he stopped talking

Matt (01:17:35):

To you. Yes, I know, but it is a neat observation about how memory works. And the movie, I always reference Big Bully where Tom Arnold is Rick Moranis’ bully, and then at the end he’s like, “But we were best friends.” Memory is a funny thing.

Laci (01:17:51):

Well, and self-delusion is a powerful thing.

Matt (01:17:56):

William is going into the party trying to fit in. He’s like, “May I have a beer, please?” And they’re like, “I’ll have

Laci (01:18:02):

One beer, please.” I love the touch that you can predict this is going to happen. He spits the beer out. He spits it all over the cool guy who’s spidering the keg and no one drank the bear. The bear has gone bad. And you think, “Okay, he’s about to get his ass kicked.” They’re fine.

Matt (01:18:22):

Beer tastes okay to me.

Laci (01:18:23):

They fill up his cup again and he walks. I just love that this nerd spits on a guy. It’s just very well observed. Not everyone beats people up.

Matt (01:18:33):

Right. There’s no record scratch. Yeah.

Laci (01:18:35):

Right. Spit happens.

Matt (01:18:37):

Drinks the beer. He’s like, “Okay, well, I will accept the taste and now it’s lubricating me up a little bit to let loose a little.” And people suddenly start to really like him. The ladies are lining up left and right just to be in his presence. And he’s even talking to the stoner guy outside. And I think this is my favorite line in the movie. He’s like, “Well, they’re staring up at the stars, but then he has a little pretzel and he’s like, look at this pretzel. See all the little salt? I now look up at the stars. Maybe the stars are just God’s salt and God’s just waiting to eat us.” Love it. And Mike Dexter meanwhile is like, “I’m going to go fuck some ladies.” But none of them are interested. He’s striking out left and right.

Laci (01:19:16):

He realizes he does not have a good reputation. He’s been a nuisance that no one wants on their case. And now that no one has to worry about him being on them, they can just act how they always wanted to toward him, which is go the fuck away. And now all the shitty things he’s ever done or said about other people, especially the women, are coming back to haunt him. You can’t just be a dick and be popular because the things you say will get back to me, even if the things I say don’t get back to you. You don’t know me enough, but I do know you because you’re famous at school. So watch how you act.

Matt (01:19:53):

You’re right. And that’s why it’s a good idea to set this party after graduation because now the social ties are the social norms. We’re moving past them at this point. Right. And now it’s like Mike Dexter’s really popular and he’s talking to me. Oh, but he called me a skank, so fuck him.

Laci (01:20:09):

And he’s not popular anymore. I’m not going to school on Monday. We’re going to different colleges. Fuck this town.

Matt (01:20:16):

But he’s like despondent and he’s by himself and he’s sitting down on a swing outside and then Jerry O’Connell as Trent McNeil.

Laci (01:20:23):

Who’s only one year graduated. He looks 40 years old.

Matt (01:20:26):

Yeah, but that’s so how it feels at the time.

Laci (01:20:29):

What? And he’s a fucking loser for being at this party. What is he doing?

Matt (01:20:32):

Exactly. Yes. And just that name Trent McNeely. That’s one Trent McNeely.

Laci (01:20:36):

And he’s just one grade graduated, right? And he’s like, “Man, you’re a legend.” He’s like, “I just graduate. What the fuck?”

Matt (01:20:44):

You must be having all kinds of sex in college. He’s like, “No, college women are different. They’re serious. They talk about world economical issues and stuff. They’re not interested in him because he’s too immature.” And he’s like, “I shouldn’t have broken up with Janine before I left.”

Laci (01:21:01):

And I’m a freshman. I’m not a senior in college. I’m little now. I mean, this is how it works. When you’re human, you’re constantly aging out and then aging in to things.

Matt (01:21:14):

So he advises Peter Fasenelli, “Get back with Amanda. Okay. That’s my advice. Oh, and also when you get to college- No,

Laci (01:21:22):

He pretends he’s still with Amanda, Matt. Jesus Christ. Try to keep the plot.”He’s like, “You’re still with that amateur.” Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Matt (01:21:31):

Well, so hang on to her then is what he says. Okay.

Laci (01:21:33):

That’s what

Matt (01:21:34):

He says. Thank you, Laci. Second piece of advice, wear flip-flops in the shower in college.

Laci (01:21:40):

I’ve got warts all over my feet.

Matt (01:21:41):

Which is also what my mom told me. And she said- But

Laci (01:21:46):

Look at your feet now.

Matt (01:21:48):

I wore the flip-flips. I did what I was supposed to. But she said, I remember her saying, “But what if you drop the soap?” I remember thinking, is she saying I’m going to get raped in the butt like prison?

Laci (01:22:01):

Yeah.

Matt (01:22:02):

No, that’s not what she was saying. She was saying, “If I drop the soap, you don’t want to then it will get the germs on the- There’s

Laci (01:22:08):

No fucking way your mom doesn’t know the drop the soap soap drops.

Matt (01:22:14):

I think if anyone in the world does not know drop the soap, it is my mom. And no, no, it does make sense. She’s such a germophobe. If you drop the soap on the ground, it’s going to get soap … It’s going to get ground drops. It’s soap.

Laci (01:22:25):

It’s so fucking

Matt (01:22:26):

Watching.

Laci (01:22:27):

No,

Matt (01:22:27):

Not to her. No. Think of my mom. She’d be like, throw that soap away. It’s done. That’s what she meant. But it took me a while to realize that.

Laci (01:22:33):

Okay. You just thought your mom was like, “I hope my son does meet a good fella.”

Matt (01:22:39):

I didn’t know, what does she think college for? I chased the

Laci (01:22:41):

Soap and he lubs up my butthole. That’s not why they say that. Ooh, that’d be spicy.

Matt (01:22:48):

Loop up my butthole, please.

Laci (01:22:50):

You don’t have to ask. You just have to bend over.

Matt (01:22:53):

All right. Well, Preston leaves the party. He’s driving around listening to Oldie’s radio and they are playing Mandy. Oh man. Every hour on the hour because it’s Barry Mantle’s birthday.

Laci (01:23:03):

But he still has like, “Look, it’s a sign. It’s on again.” And then he feels like, “Oh, we’re playing it every hour.” Oh man, it’s not a sign. And I’m like, “Bitch, no, it’s a triple sign.” It’s a triple sign. It’s his birthday and it’s the song you think is special and it’s coming on every hour. This is the fucking problem with signs. They’re not signs. They’re just whatever mood you’re in.

Matt (01:23:25):

Do you think that they work backwards from the song they could license to then write the name of the character?

Laci (01:23:29):

Interesting.

Matt (01:23:31):

But they’re like, plus Barry Manilo’s-

Laci (01:23:33):

Brandy. You’re a fag girl. That’s

Matt (01:23:35):

The name of the girl I look.

Laci (01:23:37):

Oh, Brandy.

Matt (01:23:38):

They’re going to be talking to Barry Manilow in studio. So call up right now if you have questions for Barry Manilow. And he’s like, “Mom, call. Make sure that you didn’t write that song about his dog.”

Laci (01:23:48):

That’ll prove everything. And then when you know it, a guardian angel comes.

Matt (01:23:52):

A guardian angel played by Jenna Elfman and she’s like, “I need a cab and just goes in and hangs up his phone call, which is great. Look

Laci (01:23:58):

At she’s half naked and her car broke down at 2:00 AM. She really is having the emergency.”

Matt (01:24:02):

And he’s like, “That is so rude of you. ” You do

Laci (01:24:06):

Not do that.

Matt (01:24:07):

She’s like, “No, I’ve had a much worse night than you. ” And he’s like, “How do you know? ” And she’s like, “You’re fucking weird. You’re calling a radio station to talk to Barry Manilow at two in the morning at a coffee shop, parking lot that’s empty.” And he’s like, “You’re right. I’m weird and I’m a loser.” And then she’s like, “I’m fucking sorry. Sit down next to me. I’ll give you some … I’m like five years older than you. I’ll give you some advice. She’s a stripper and lots of men were groping her tonight.”

Laci (01:24:32):

Right. Your problems are just your problems. They’re not the only problems.

Matt (01:24:36):

Now we’re back at the party and Paradise City comes on the house music and-

Laci (01:24:41):

Because you need a dance moment. You got to have a sing a long moment in a teen movie.

Matt (01:24:45):

Yeah, but everybody’s like, Paradise City, this song’s

Laci (01:24:47):

Long. What? That’s 10 years before now, which is a perfect distance of time to find a song lame and not cute. But know all the words.

Matt (01:24:58):

Think that Guns and Roses is an exception to that sort of work. You

Laci (01:25:02):

Are so wrong. Hair bands became so fucking-

Matt (01:25:05):

They’re not hair. This is not white snake. This is not poison. Guns and roses are different.

Laci (01:25:09):

They get wrapped in there. They get wrapped in there because they’re on the cusp and because music that came after is so fucking different.

Matt (01:25:17):

I think Guns and Roses, Nirvana and Metallica poured it over into the ’90s and 2000s.

Laci (01:25:23):

I totally agree about Metallica.

Matt (01:25:25):

Write in, music experts. Let us know who’s right.

Laci (01:25:29):

Wait, who did you say Metallica? Guns Rose?

Matt (01:25:31):

Nirvana.

Laci (01:25:32):

Yeah. I mean, but Nirvana is why it changed.

Matt (01:25:35):

Nirvana and Guns and Roses were sort of happening simultaneously.

Laci (01:25:37):

That’s so strange. They feel at least five, six years apart, five

Matt (01:25:42):

To

Laci (01:25:42):

Six.

Matt (01:25:43):

I mean, Guns and Roses, Appetite for Detartion comes out four years before, nevermind, but Nirvana’s Guns and Roses opening act. So they’re basically happening at the same time. I did not

Laci (01:25:52):

Know that.

Matt (01:25:54):

But okay, so the song comes on the house music and then William goes up and gets on the mic and just starts singing and then just belting it out and everyone’s going nuts and he’s crowdsurfing and women are like, “Please fuck us both at the same time.” He’s like, “I will.” And

Laci (01:26:07):

What really seals the deal is he does the thing that you expect, just like the 10 Things I Hate About You thing. She’s dancing her ass off. She knows how to dance too. A rap song. What? We didn’t expect this from this misfit, this outcast. She’s never any fun. And then she hits her head, embarrasses herself and fucking knocks herself out. But what does William do? He falls down and just in the right time he pops up and catches the microphone. I’d fuck him too.

Matt (01:26:34):

Even I’m fist bumping. Yeah, you

Laci (01:26:36):

Do it, William.

Matt (01:26:37):

This guy’s great. You

Laci (01:26:38):

Beat the odds.

Matt (01:26:41):

Meanwhile up in the bathroom, Seth Green has to pee and Denise is like, “Oh, I don’t want to hear your urine.” He’s like, “Well, you’re going to have to, baby.” What is

Laci (01:26:49):

That accent?

Matt (01:26:50):

And while he’s peeing, so while he’s peeing, he says, “So were you saving up all that stuff to tell me? ” And she’s like, “When was I supposed to tell you all of that stuff when you were ignoring me in the halls?” Now they’re getting real with each other. “You wrote Denise Fleming as a tampon on my locker and he’s like, ” I didn’t, but I told my friend to do that. I felt bad. I’m sorry. “She’s like, ” I’m sorry. I told everybody you’re a cornophiliac or whatever. “You fuck trees is what I told everybody. And then he laughs and he’s like, ” That’s not funny. “Keep laughing. Then they’re singing new kids on the block together. They’re making fun of each other’s clothes. Your pants are huge. Jenko pants, your shoes are big. Do they even serve an orthopedic function?

Laci (01:27:34):

No, no, no, no, no. That’s the joke. She would only need those if she had some sort of walking problem. They’re like nurses’ shoes.

Matt (01:27:44):

And this is one of my favorite awkward kisses, and this is so well directed. He just decides.

Laci (01:27:53):

They’re

Matt (01:27:53):

Laughing quickly, kisses her. The camera lingers on her. There’s no cuts. And it’s just on her face. She’s weirded out, but also like … And you just see her calculate and then she decides. She turns.

Laci (01:28:05):

And she grabs

Matt (01:28:07):

His

Laci (01:28:07):

Face too. She takes the lead. I love

Matt (01:28:09):

That. So nuts. So sweet. And then they’re laughing and they’re kissing and now 311 is playing.

Laci (01:28:14):

Their whole sex scene

Matt (01:28:17):

Is so

Laci (01:28:17):

Sweet.

Matt (01:28:18):

Yes, it is.

Laci (01:28:18):

And caring. And this is what you guys deserved to have sex with people, someone you know where this will be meaningful, even if this is it. This is still cool. You don’t want your first time to be with a lady who’s just trying to fuck something.

Matt (01:28:34):

Well,

Laci (01:28:34):

I know it wasn’t her first time, but she didn’t love her.

Matt (01:28:37):

It’s such an interesting choice that she’s had sex

Laci (01:28:39):

One time. Once. Yeah. But it’s very believable too. That happens a lot. I know. I know. For it to just happen and then you’re completely freaked out by it and never do it again. Especially if it happens with someone you’re not dating.That’s a really fucked up way for it to happen

Matt (01:28:51):

If

Laci (01:28:52):

You’re a girl.

Matt (01:28:53):

Yeah. And he admits right away to her like, no, I’ve never had sex. I mean, he says yes and then he says, no, not really. And she’s done it one time, which to him is like, oh, she knows so much more, but also she means she knows nothing either.

Laci (01:29:06):

Exactly.

Matt (01:29:06):

So they have clumsy, but very funny and sweet. They’re banging their heads on pipes and stuff and they do it. Meanwhile, I kept writing meanwhile in my notes. My favorite song, cut ask me down.

Laci (01:29:25):

Makeup sale. I know what you’re doing.

Matt (01:29:31):

Crust me down by sublime is playing as Mike Dexter is trying to get Amanda find her at the party and winner back. I want to curse you down, but she is … Fuck, did I miss the part? Preston had thrown away his letter to Amanda.

Laci (01:29:47):

And then this is when we find out fate might exist in this world.

Matt (01:29:50):

Yeah. Like home alone. I wish my family would disappear and then the storm cuts out the power. The same, some sort of magical fairies at work in this universe. It matters Patrick’s the letter back into the house and she finds it and she’s like, “For me, who wrote this about me? ” I’m the

Laci (01:30:06):

Only Amanda.

Matt (01:30:07):

But she doesn’t know who Preston is. And she’s going around, “Do you know who Preston is? Oh, you don’t know who he is because you’re a stupid bitch. He was only in your freshman year, English class.” So she’s going around, “Do you know who Preston is? Who is Preston?” She asks the stoners. One of them is Jason Siegel eating a watermelon. The other is- A

Laci (01:30:24):

Stoner holding a dinosaur.

Matt (01:30:25):

Sideshow Bob hair stoner. Yeah.

Laci (01:30:27):

But they describe him perfectly. He’s just hard to describe.

Matt (01:30:30):

Well yeah, they’re like, “He wears t-shirts?”

Laci (01:30:32):

Sometimes.

Matt (01:30:33):

He’s Preston, you know? No,

Laci (01:30:35):

He’s got blonde hair. No, but it’s brown, but it’s not brown. They’re right. It’s not either of those things.

Matt (01:30:41):

It’s

Laci (01:30:41):

Both.

Matt (01:30:42):

Oh, they’re like, “I like that guy.”

Laci (01:30:44):

I like that.

Matt (01:30:44):

You know who else I like? Velma from Scooby Duke. And then Mike finds Amanda, he’s like, “Amanda, I’m so sorry I want you back.” And he tries to kiss her. She’s like, “No, get off me, ” in front of everybody.

Laci (01:30:56):

And then she has her little tell off moment. It’s like, oh God. What does she say? It’s just too stupid to remember, but the last thing is like, hey, and Mike, get a life. It’s all very bad, but I mean, it’s believable.

Matt (01:31:12):

She says, “No, we’re through.” And he’s like, “We’re through. Who do you think is going to want you? ” And she clutches her letter and says, “Somebody.” And he goes, “More like nobody, but nobody laughs at him. He looks to the crowd to hear it from the crowd, but nothing. None of his tricks are working anymore. What’s going on? “

Laci (01:31:31):

But also these are all moments to show you Amanda’s temperament and how Amanda feels about herself. She doesn’t think she’s hot shit. She thinks she’s a loser for having been with him for four years. She’s embarrassed by it. And so who’s going to want you? She’s not like so many … She’s not an asshole. She just …

Matt (01:31:48):

At least one person.

Laci (01:31:50):

She’s like, “I’ve already had a really charmed four years in terms of not getting any … No one’s picking on me. No one would’ve dared bully me, all these things. She’s starting to realize this. I’ve been in the clouds. I’ve been completely removed. I’ve been mean even or just distant from everyone.

Matt (01:32:12):

More like nobody,” he says. But nobody laughs.You already said that. And then a girl shouts a homophobic slur and then everyone laughs and laughs and laughs.

Laci (01:32:22):

Yeah. I mean, this movie uses that word of quad.

Matt (01:32:26):

That’s the accurate to the time.

Laci (01:32:28):

Accurate to the dad. Yep. It’s a good movie, so you just keep going.

Matt (01:32:33):

Yeah. I mean, accurate until about 10 years ago.

Laci (01:32:35):

Yeah. And no R word.

Matt (01:32:37):

No R word. Yes. I think the R word would make a comeback a few years after this, but I was on the lookout for that too. Yeah. So yeah, everybody’s laughing now and he’s like, “Shut up.” And then a succession of guys comes up to Amanda and they’re like, “Hey, Amanda, how about me? “

Laci (01:32:53):

But it’s all sexual, right? And she’s like, Jesus Christ, that really is all I have to contribute. That’s all anyone sees me as. Even this nice guy that walks up that’s a dork who wants to talk about memories is like, “I had the biggest boner.”

Matt (01:33:07):

It’s so funny. Remember when we danced at the sock up in seventh grade? I had the hugest boner. Maybe we’d go out sometime.

Laci (01:33:13):

Right. Cool memory.

Matt (01:33:15):

But what’s clever that then Preston is in the succession of guys is like, “Amanda, I love you. Can we talk somewhere?” And she’s like, “You’re all sick and gross. You especially.”

Laci (01:33:23):

That’s where she says get a life. Yeah.

Matt (01:33:25):

You’ve probably been drooling all over me for four years. You thought we had one intimate moment. Go off and get a life. Dork. And then Melissa Joan Hart gets Amanda to sign her yearbook and Amanda opens it to go look at Preston’s photo and then realizes, oh no, it was the guy I just called a Dork. I called him Dorcas Malorkas. He’s probably going to go kill himself.

Laci (01:33:45):

But he got in his really long car.

Matt (01:33:46):

He got to do his long car.

Laci (01:33:48):

He’s so long.

Matt (01:33:49):

And then one of the best moments in the movie is William. William is going to go find Mike. William is drunk, but he’s like, “All right, the mission.” Hey, Mike. Mike Dexter, there’s some triplets who want to fuck you outside.

Laci (01:34:00):

Buddy old pillow, man. I said, come on.

Matt (01:34:03):

There’s some triplets and they want you to watch him. Come on. But Mike then looks directly in his eyes and he’s like, “I’m a loser. I broke up with the hottest girl in school. My friends all sold me out and somewhere and someone in there called me a bleep.

Laci (01:34:18):

Tell me a blip.”

Matt (01:34:20):

And he hugs William and then they kind of slow dance to a, “I’ll make love to you. ” And then later they’re drunkenly bonding at the piano and this is such a funny and sweet moment.

Speaker 5 (01:34:33):

You remember the time they had to make that really stupid speech and I kind of sort of tripped you and everybody started laughing at you in school.

Speaker 6 (01:34:44):

Okay. Yeah. Yeah. I’m sorry. Hey, you don’t worry about it, man. Hey, it’s ancient history, right? It’s ancient history. It’s ancient history. It’s ancient history. What’s that anyway? I was this morning, I graduated.

Laci (01:35:07):

It’s valedictory. William does really, this actor does very good face acting through that whole thing. He is all of a sudden devastated. Yeah, no, you’re a bad person to me.

Matt (01:35:22):

Fascinely, very good in that scene too. There’s more to him than just being a boring doctor. All right, the cops arrive and they’re tearing this party down as Blink 182’s damn it plays like one and a half times through all the way. It’s like it plays all the way through and they’re like, “Oh, scene’s not over. Can we rewind it to the- Well,

Laci (01:35:40):

For the time, it could just be that no one was manning the stereo. I don’t know why a song we played twice, but-

Matt (01:35:48):

It’s not diegetic. It’s on the soundtrack. Yes, I do.

Laci (01:35:52):

Sometimes it’s both.

Matt (01:35:54):

It could be both. Yeah. They should be both, but they’re playing at different times. It’s very confusing. And yeah, it’s all right to tell me. And everybody’s scattering and Mike is like, William, come on, we got to get saved. I know. Because they’re buds now. So sweet. Let’s get to the pool house. And he’s like, uh-oh, the pool house and the nerds spring and chloroform both of them because they don’t realize one of them is William is their friend.

Laci (01:36:14):

Though they should because William was always going to be the person that lured fine, whatever.

Matt (01:36:20):

Chloraform, both of them take their clothes off and have them cuddle each other.

Laci (01:36:25):

With things that only virgins would think are sex toys. Little red balls on the nipples, like hacky sacks for some reason. A rubber- I’ve never been on

Matt (01:36:34):

A hacky sack.

Laci (01:36:36):

A rubber yellow kitchen cleaning glove hanging out of one of their pants.

Matt (01:36:41):

And then the cops arrive and they see these two unconscious dudes and they’re like, “What the fuck? All right, we’re taking these guys in. ” After the sex has happened between Seth Green and Lauren Ambrose, now it’s awkward, which of course it would be.

Laci (01:36:54):

And I love that they’re covering up with the display towel, the only one they could find on the wall.

Matt (01:36:59):

Oh yeah. And she then says, “It gets better. Next time, next time it can go on for longer because we’d never done it before.” And then she’s very awkwardly trying to tell him. You came in like 10 seconds. No,

Laci (01:37:17):

No, no. He knows he did. And they’re both feeling weird about that. So she is trying to address how they’re both … Look at their faces. It’s not, oh my God, we just had sex and it was great. It was, “You just came so fast that’s embarrassing for you probably. Let me just let you know it doesn’t stay like that. ” But instead she addressed it and didn’t say it was okay. And then he got upset.

Matt (01:37:38):

Yeah. And then said, but even in there, she’s like suggesting like, “But we’ll do it again.”

Laci (01:37:42):

Right, right, right.

Matt (01:37:44):

And he’s like, “How do you know it wasn’t your fault?” And now his attitude’s coming back and he’s putting on the voice again. “My shit could have been slamming.

Laci (01:37:53):

“With another shorty or whatever he says.

Matt (01:37:56):

“It ain’t your fault. You lack the flavor.” And then she says, “You asshole.” And then the girl who owns the house comes into the room like, “What the fuck?” But Seth Green immediately feels bad. And so then she’s walking on the street and he’s following her in her car, in his car.

Laci (01:38:10):

In his very big suburban, very

Matt (01:38:11):

Expensive

Laci (01:38:12):

Vehicle.

Matt (01:38:13):

And he gets out and he says he wants to explain, and this is my favorite moment in the movie.

Laci (01:38:17):

That he doesn’t explain at all.

Matt (01:38:19):

This is so good. It is. This is so good. They’re both so good. He’s like, “Let me just explain.” So the thing is, and she’s like, “Uh-huh. I’m sorry. I’m sorry too.” Yeah, you’re dumb kids. You have nothing to … You’re just horny for each other and you like each other. You don’t need to understand it.

Laci (01:38:37):

Well, and one of you were embarrassed and both then you made her embarrassed and we don’t like that no more.

Matt (01:38:42):

But they don’t understand that, but it’s just like they’re just vibing with each other. They

Laci (01:38:46):

Understand they were embarrassed, Matt.

Matt (01:38:47):

They would not be able to put everything into words like smart people like you and I could. I’m

Laci (01:38:52):

Not saying. That’s why they didn’t put it into words, Matt. They did it just right. They’re embarrassed.

Matt (01:38:56):

Fuck. So they have a tender little peck. William wakes up in the jail drunk and the cop is played by Poppy from Seinfeld and he’s like, “Hey, Mike Dexter told me that he got you drunk, forcedfully made you drink alcohol and he beat you up. So you’re free to go, son.” And he’s like, “Oh, great.” Mike Dexter’s a heck of a pal. And it’s the next day and everybody’s assembling at a diner, which only happens in movies.

Laci (01:39:22):

Only.

Matt (01:39:23):

And Denise and Kenny are a couple now, and Preston’s like, “What? That’s crazy.”

Laci (01:39:28):

But they’re a comfortable couple because she needs to go outside alone and talk to Preston. That’s her friend and he’s leaving. She needs to say goodbye.

Matt (01:39:36):

Did you ever talk to Amanda? And he’s like, “No, it just wasn’t meant to be. ” Maybe there isn’t such a thing as fate. Maybe it’s all bullshit. But Denise says, “No, I know for a fact there is fate.” Inside the diner, Mike Dexter

Laci (01:39:51):

And his friends. No, blah. She says, “For what it’s worth, I do believe in fate. It’s just, it doesn’t take you all the way. You have to choose or something.” She says something fucking helpful. You can’t just let fate do it all. It brings you there and it’s weird and fucked up and then you’ve got to take action. Oh no, no, no. I’m getting the angel and her confused. She is saying she believes in fate, but that fate has a funny sense of humor. It’s not perfect. It’s not, “Oh, we floated to each other and we’re happy.” It’s, “I’m going to make you jump through some hoops or I’m going to make you attracted to the weirdest boy.”

Matt (01:40:29):

Maybe you’ll get attracted to a weirdo. Preston, when you get to the Kurt Vonnegut symposium, you never know. And in fact, probably better that you go on and meet somebody in the place you’re going to be living now. Inside the diner, Mike Dexter is gathered with his goons and he’s like, “Bros, you got to break up with your girlfriends.” And they’re all like, “Sure we will. Mike Dexter old buddy old pal.” And then William enters the diner and he’s like, “Mike, my new friend.” But Mike Dexter’s like, “Fuck you, you lose him.” So

Laci (01:40:57):

Mean them. And the way his face drops makes me so sad. You’re not going to play a clip, right? No. I don’t want to see it. Okay.

Matt (01:41:04):

No. And William sadly leaves the diner, but then we get the first of the screen. The first three frame. Yeah. Animal house sort of, this is what happens to this character. And it literally says he goes to Harvard, founds a tech company worth hundreds of millions of dollars. He’s married to a supermodel.

Laci (01:41:17):

Great. He’s the worst person ever.

Matt (01:41:19):

Yes. Meanwhile, Mike Dexter, in the future, he’s going to become a fat loser. He

Laci (01:41:23):

Dies. Doesn’t he die?

Matt (01:41:25):

No, it says that he’s overweight. He got fired from his car wash job because of some very compromising Polaroids.

Laci (01:41:32):

The ones from his fucking senior college … I mean, this party.

Matt (01:41:37):

This is a …

Laci (01:41:38):

That’s fucked.

Matt (01:41:39):

I love that just because they bonded drunkenly doesn’t change anything because that’s life. It only matters what you mostly are like. It doesn’t matter if you’re like, “Now I finally understand that guy.” What I don’t like is the like, “Don’t worry, all the cool kids in high school, they’re going to be boring losers when they grow up.” It’s not true. That’s

Laci (01:41:57):

Not true.

Matt (01:41:58):

If you’re cool in high school, you’re probably going to continue to be cool in your adult. As

Laci (01:42:01):

Long as there was cool substance about you. If the thing about you was that you’re really good at the athletics, well, that’s only going to get you so far. I mean, physical stuff really does … It depends on why you were popular. I know what it is, is mainly the Prestons. It’s mainly the floaters that were attractive enough, but not too dorky, but they were smart, did a lot of … Those are the people I know that are the most happy now. And the ones who were just hot, I know several that it didn’t, that they’re just mediocre. They didn’t focus on school. They didn’t focus on being nice or having a good personality. So they just didn’t rise in the ranks. I know I can think of four people right now from my high school.

Matt (01:42:43):

Okay, fine. But it is cope that nerds will tell themselves is I’m going to have it all when I grow up and you’re going to be a loser. Probably not, actually. Maybe, maybe.

Laci (01:42:53):

We’ll all just be fine.

Matt (01:42:57):

What it ultimately comes down to is, did your parents have money? Then you’re going to be fine.

Laci (01:42:59):

Right.

Matt (01:43:00):

So William walks away sad. Mike Dexter’s going to be a loser. Denise and Kenny, they get awkward again and the on- screen text says five minutes later they broke up. But then she looks over at him and it’s like, but five minutes after that, they found a bathroom and fucked. They can only love each other in bathrooms. Got back

Laci (01:43:14):

Together.

Matt (01:43:15):

In a bathroom.

Laci (01:43:16):

Okay. There are nuances that you are missing. You said they got back together and fucked. That’s not as sweet as what actually happened. They got back together and were a couple

Matt (01:43:27):

Fucking church. It’s next month. We got to be lewd.

Laci (01:43:30):

No. I want sex the way I like it, which is with connection. You can be lewd if you want and fucking have lonely one night stand sex with someone who doesn’t know your body like I do. I don’t want

Matt (01:43:39):

That.

Laci (01:43:41):

And then you stepped all over my fucking thing I just said. Loser.

Matt (01:43:44):

Preston is-

Laci (01:43:45):

Lowser.

Matt (01:43:46):

Going away on a train, waiting at the train station by himself.

Laci (01:43:49):

Both wearing mom pick up your kid from soccer outfits.

Matt (01:43:54):

And he’s like, “I guess I’m going to go see my favorite author, Kurt Vonnegut for three weeks or whatever.” Well,

Laci (01:43:59):

And it’s such a Preston thing he’s taking the fucking train. Okay, Harry Potter. It’s so old fashioned me in my train station. I’m going to wave like this goodbye.

Matt (01:44:07):

To Boston. And if your favorite author is Kurt Vonnegut, it does mean like you’re not that deep.You’re deeper than somebody who doesn’t read, but come on. And to be clear, Kurt Vonnegut was my favorite author in high school. Yeah. And I fucking suck. But then what do you know? Jennifer Lewis. Jennifer Lewis, what’s her name? Jennifer Lovell. Love Hewitt. Comes in and she’s like, “No, don’t go. Here I am. I got your letter.” And he’s like, “Would I thought that? What?” I

Laci (01:44:38):

Thought they did a good job. What is there to say? It’s just all, it’s like, “Ah, I don’t have any time to process this and I finally found you and here we are. “

Matt (01:44:49):

You wrote me a letter. You said there’s more to me than meets the eye. I might be special. And he’s like, “Yep, that’s true. I did say those things. I wrote many versions of that letter. I can’t attest to which version you saw. Was it file date of 1997?” He’s

Laci (01:45:04):

Lying though. He knows it by heart.

Matt (01:45:05):

And she’s like, “You really have to go. ” “Yeah, I got to go. “She’s like, ” Oh, okay. “And he’s like, ” You know what? I’ll get another train. “The on screen text tells us they spent nine hours at this station together and then- Seven. They spent seven hours together at this train station and then he goes, but Amanda wrote him every single day while he was away. Dear Preston.

Laci (01:45:25):

You’re gone again. Day three.

Matt (01:45:28):

Press then.

Laci (01:45:29):

Remember how you love me. Remember how we didn’t know each other and now we do.

Matt (01:45:33):

What’s for your favorite Kart Vonnegut book? Tell me all about it. See you later. They are still together. Yay.

Laci (01:45:42):

Yay.

Matt (01:45:48):

Now it’s time to give some sex advice.

Laci (01:45:51):

What a dick you got on stage.

Matt (01:45:53):

I have a number of questions. Let’s see. Do we want to have a question about man whose girlfriend does not give him a blow job? We want man to … Okay. It’s

Laci (01:46:08):

A lot of men,

Matt (01:46:09):

Man.This is all submitted to slates how to do it sex advice column.

Laci (01:46:14):

Figures, you’d all pick all these. Fucking man.

Matt (01:46:18):

This first one says,” My boyfriend and I, both men, work crazy hours.

Laci (01:46:23):

“Wait. Gay couple?

Matt (01:46:26):

Yeah.

Laci (01:46:26):

Oh.

Matt (01:46:27):

The problem is that he will frequently jerk off while I’m gone and by the time I get back, he’s out of ammunition. I’ve asked him to hold off, but he says he has to take care of it when the urge strikes him.

Laci (01:46:35):

Okay. He’s a baby.

Matt (01:46:37):

Fucking child. I think he’s being very selfish. The world would not end if he had to wait six hours for me. I feel like if I win on a sex strike, he wouldn’t even notice. What can I do to get him to show me some consideration?

Laci (01:46:48):

Dump him. You can’t. That’s fucking weird.

Matt (01:46:50):

Yeah. If he’s not listening, hey, can you just hold off please for a few hours? And

Laci (01:46:55):

It’s every single day. If the urge is so urgent that he does it right then and there, every single day, but then it doesn’t build up again for another 24 hours, something’s up. He’s just on the wrong schedule. He just has to bite the bowl at once and he’ll get on the schedule where he’s fucking you. I

Matt (01:47:13):

Would want to know what age this guy is because trust me, that’s not how it works in your 30s.

Laci (01:47:19):

No, no. I get that you need time, but it also isn’t like I have to pull on this now.

Matt (01:47:26):

That’s what I’m saying. So if your partner’s like- Yeah,

Laci (01:47:29):

He’s got-

Matt (01:47:30):

“Hey, I’d be interested in having sex a lot.” And you’re like, “Okay, yes, I will save them.” This is a thing you do when you’re in a couple.

Laci (01:47:35):

You’re in it.

Matt (01:47:36):

Yeah.

Laci (01:47:37):

Yeah.

Matt (01:47:37):

Yeah, because sometimes your partner won’t be at home and you’ll be like, “Sorry, no one’s around.” But then you’d be like, “Oh, but you know what? It’s a good

Laci (01:47:44):

Night for

Matt (01:47:44):

Sex. My partner will be … Yeah, it’s a good sex night, so I’ll hold off. Take one for the team.” We

Laci (01:47:48):

All do it.

Matt (01:47:49):

So yeah, dump this loser. All right. One more. I have been going out with my girlfriend for three months now, and while the sex is great, there’s one problem. She has yet to give me a blowjob. I have hinted that I would appreciate it. Hey.

Laci (01:48:04):

I want to know what these hints are like. Yeah. Are you saying

Matt (01:48:07):

All

Laci (01:48:07):

Your words?

Matt (01:48:08):

My dick sucked would be good.

Laci (01:48:09):

Or just like she’s kissing him on his lips and he’s just forcefully trying to shove her head and his crotch.

Matt (01:48:15):

He says, “I’ve been going down on her after all, but so far she hasn’t returned the favor. How can I delicately suggest this? ” All right. The thing is …

Laci (01:48:24):

I need to know ages again. I don’t know. You just do it. You just go blow on that. Tip, it’s not actually blowing, ladies, so we don’t blow on it.

Matt (01:48:34):

Would you say you spit on that thing?

Laci (01:48:37):

No.

Matt (01:48:37):

No.

Laci (01:48:39):

Damn it, don’t make me describe it.

Matt (01:48:41):

You have to bring it up. I mean, I’m sorry. Yeah,

Laci (01:48:43):

Absolutely.

Matt (01:48:44):

But here’s the thing. You’re not going to like what she has to say because what she’s going to say is I don’t like doing that because-

Laci (01:48:48):

Right, right.

Matt (01:48:49):

She hasn’t done

Laci (01:48:51):

It. Yeah.

Matt (01:48:51):

Here’s the thing about sex. Some very, very basic building blocks, and that’s one of them. So if you’re not doing it, it’s not going to be a big …

Laci (01:48:59):

Right. It’s not like you’re … I mean, what’s going to be the story that I’ve been made fun of before because I’m a little teethy. I get gagged too much. Her not addressing it is weird. She’s kind of immature for not bringing it up. It’s been three months. He’s going down on you. You guys are having sex often. It’s odd. It’s odd to not mention it.

Matt (01:49:23):

Yeah, but which means that he then needs to mention it, but it’s like I love you, man, with Paul Rudd and Rashida Jones. You need to get a Jason Siegel who will force the issue, force you two to confront it. And what you might find is she says, “It’s not that I don’t want to. I just had a bad experience with my old boyfriend. He would make me take a shower afterward or whatever she says in that movie.” But yeah, she doesn’t want to be doing this. And then the question is, if you really want low jobs as part of sex, how

Laci (01:49:50):

Are

Matt (01:49:50):

You going to work through it?

Laci (01:49:51):

Well, and how many other things is she going to say no to? Because you guys are just getting to the basics right now.

Matt (01:49:55):

But again, it’s like the white stripes didn’t have a bass player.

Laci (01:50:01):

But you make do.

Matt (01:50:02):

And they’re still a good band. Yeah. On the other hand-

Laci (01:50:06):

That’s why you got to find out why it’s a no, because if it’s just gross to her, she’s never going to go downstairs ever. What about your butt? No, she’s ignoring an entire half of your

Matt (01:50:15):

Butt. It does suggest some pretty vanilla sex because that’s why I said there’s some basic building blocks. There’s not that many ingredients. It’s like Mexican food. But

Laci (01:50:22):

If it is a trauma thing, she can work through that.

Matt (01:50:25):

Yeah. So you have to have a conversation.

Laci (01:50:27):

That’s

Matt (01:50:28):

Our advice.

Laci (01:50:29):

That’s one to be our advice every fucking time

Matt (01:50:31):

Is have the conversation.

Laci (01:50:32):

Leave them or talk to them.

Matt (01:50:34):

Yeah.

Laci (01:50:35):

Quit writing to magazines and just talk to them. You deserve each other.

Matt (01:51:00):

Our final thoughts on Cant Hardly Wait, I think this is a very sweet and fun and funny movie. And my only gripe with it is that I think that the Jennifer Love Hewitt character’s not a character. And I understand the conception is she’s a pre-human. I haven’t formed myself yet.

Laci (01:51:17):

Right. She’s got no … It’s interesting. It’s an interesting thing and it is something that actually does happen to teens. So I think it’s still a well-observed thing that can happen.

Matt (01:51:27):

You can lose her. But that means there needs to be something in the performance and the way she’s written or the way she’s directed where I can feel the specialness that’s the undefinable quality.

Laci (01:51:35):

I don’t mean that. I mean that she realizes she doesn’t know the fuck she is and that it’s just that Preston has this in his head that it makes her special. She’s just a girl who made the mistake of dating … Whatever. Anyway.

Matt (01:51:51):

Don’t date somebody for four years in high school. She’s

Laci (01:51:53):

My least favorite part of the movie too, but I didn’t like her at this time. I like her when she’s a heartbreaker.

Matt (01:52:01):

But I like pretty much everyone else. I like the performances. I think for a first time, for people who are directing their first movie, they nail it. And I think they nailed it with Josie and the Pussycats too. And I think that it sucks that they didn’t get to keep directing. They kept writing scripts, but I think they’re probably better directors than they are writing. This is a tough thing to pull off this assembly of people, of so many characters and every single one of them pops. Three and a half stars.

Laci (01:52:26):

Oh, ouch.

Matt (01:52:28):

Yeah, only because the main story just lacks the juice of, I think the … I’d say the A story is Preston and Amanda and the B story is Kenny and Denise, but Kenny and Denise has so much more juice.

Laci (01:52:40):

Yeah.

Matt (01:52:41):

Okay.

Laci (01:52:42):

Now you’re right. I’m between a 3.5 and a four. Four seems too high for a movie like this, but it’s very rewatchable and that’s important to me. I care about that. There’s so much to like.

Matt (01:52:56):

Yeah. I mean, I think 10 Things I Hate About and She’s All That they’re kind of all equally good movies.

Laci (01:53:02):

I disagree. I think this one is better than all those. Clueless and this one are just a … They are one rung above. I don’t think there’s enough to bite into for she’s all that. And Tim Things I hate about you, I’ve always hated. Julie Styles. Julia Styles’ performance. I liked it the most the last time we watched it and I still start

Matt (01:53:23):

And no one has ever been meaner to you on the internet than you saying that.

Laci (01:53:28):

People love her. I just don’t … I’m sorry. I get it and it’s not for me. He’s

Matt (01:53:35):

Ledger in that movie though. All right. Coming up next on Sex Week, Hell Raiser. Lazy’s never seen any helpers.

Laci (01:53:43):

I’m excited for this. I didn’t know this was a sex movie.

Matt (01:53:46):

Oh yeah. So the premise of these movies is like people who have … They’ve had all the kinds of sex you can have. They’re seeking something even more intense.

Laci (01:53:55):

Okay.

Matt (01:53:55):

And it invites the hell raisers.

Laci (01:53:57):

Christian Gray. He walks out. This is the

Matt (01:53:59):

Actual.

Laci (01:54:00):

I’ve got a feather duster. I’m going to tickle your asshole.

Matt (01:54:05):

I find you hadn’t seen it. So Hell Razor. Love Hell Razor one. I mean, I like this series. The first one’s the best. Don’t know if Laci’s going to like it, but- I have

Laci (01:54:13):

No idea.

Matt (01:54:14):

But our horror movies do really … Our horror episodes do really … But our horror episodes do really …

Laci (01:54:20):

I am looking forward to this sentence more than anything.

Matt (01:54:23):

Well.

Laci (01:54:24):

Oh, okay.

Matt (01:54:25):

Check out Laci’s coloring videos on YouTube, linking the description. Check out us on TikTok, YouTube, Instagram, Blue Sky, Twitter, Facebook. My band is rural route nine. We do the music for the show. We have an album called The Joy of Averages.

Laci (01:54:39):

That’s other podcasts are …

Matt (01:54:41):

The sign post up ahead of a Twilight Zone podcast and Pod Jabba James Bond podcast links to those in the description and we’ll see you next week in the bedroom.

Laci (01:54:50):

Okay. I love you. Goodbye. No, it’s my horny noise.